Oh god feel so guilty :-(

[WhoDrankAllThePepsi]

Lovely guy, treats me well but I'm no longer happy in the relationship.
It's nothing he's done, it's just a combination of a lot of things, the main one being that he never wants to get married and doesn't want us to live together for at least 10 years (and I suspect this is financially motivated as his income drops quite rapidly in 10 years and I earn more than him). I feel like there is no future for us and I don't want to spend the next 10 years stuck in this suspended state. I want to move on. I want to marry. I want to drink wine on a gondola in Venice with my OH, I want to argue about Christmas decorations with my OH, I want to snuggle down with a movie and a cup of hot chocolate after a full day spent shopping in the rain - I want a normal relationship.
I feel so, so guilty though. I planned to tell him today, he came to pick me up and we went bird spotting. Before you laugh - this is his hobby, not mine. I love all animals but in a "awww init cute!" kinda way, personally I would rather have spent the day eating fish and chips on the seaside front freezing our arses off but anyway - I planned to tell him. But he started talking about all the stuff he has planned in his head for the next 2 years and it ALL relies on me . The cottage retreat in Scotland he has his heart set on relies on me going with him. The forest walks in summer rely on me going with him. The bird spotting at the break of dawn which he has planned relies in me going with him - his whole life relies on me being there to do stuff with him He has no friends. He goes to work, comes home and anything inbetween he relies on me for.
If I break it off with him I have this vision of him sat at home thinking about the cottage in Scotland etc I know it's not my responsibilty for him to be happy but why, why, why do I feel so guilty and sad?

you dont have to back him into a corner at all. You just have to explain what YOU want out of your life- you have needs too.

If he isnt happy to help you meet those needs, you move on. You are young, and you will certainly one day find someone who is happy to.

Imagine this scenario: you squander spend the next 10 years of your life freezing your arse off in assorted muddy fields twitcher haunts waiting to make good the shortfall in his HB after his dc have flown the nest.

The day before you are due to move in together he wins the lottery, dumps you without a backward glance, buys himself a medallion and a toupee, and takes himself off to watch the 'birds' flocking to his luxury yacht in the Med.

Who'll be sicker than a parrot?

Dump the twat twitcher, honey, and start cosmic ordering.

Ok. I saw him today, he came around, put up a curtain rail for me, had lunch here and then dropped me off at work. I'm getting to the point were I just need to tell him. Maybe he knows something is up because he's REALLY pushing these plans for the spring/summer as if he's expecting to be say "actually ... about that - "
Oh god well I'm supposed to be going to his house saturday night for movie/takeaway. My plan is to arrive there, tell him I need commitment and a normal relationship and am not prepared to wait around for it. Likelyhood is I'll be home within the hour, movieless and takeawayless but at least the deed will be done and I can start looking to the future.
Then again, he's really looking forward to that night, is it kinder to tell him BEFORE the proposed "cosy night in"?

I would do it before then. I had to break it off with a similar sort of partner once. Similarly to your situation, I thought he was lovely but it just wasn't working, we wanted different things.. he had few friends and low social skills and I felt guilty about "leaving him alone" so to speak, but I am SO much happier now and he's fine really.

His happiness is not your responsibility, you need someone with a similar outlook to you.

Why didn't you tell him today, OP?

How did you get together in the first place?.

That feeling of guilt again re not ending it with him today?.

Guilt in such cases is a useless emotion. You are your own worst enemy and you are stopping you from meeting someone else rather than this cocklodger.

Why are you seemingly so dependent on this man that you put him about your own self?. Your self esteem must really be at an all time low to accept this.

Does he feel guilty about the way he treats you - hell no. He is getting what he wants from this one sided arrangment you have i.e in you he has someone complaint, undemanding and uncomplaining. You really do not want to spend the next ten years like this; you;ve wasted enough time on him already.

He is also not your project to try and rescue and or save from himself because acting as either within a relationship never works out well.

he's taking the piss. He's using you. And stringing you along.

And you know it but you're too naice to dump him.

But until you dump him you won't find anyone else who can give you everything you need and want.

You know you need to get rid of him.

Tell him before the weekend. It would be cruel to let him expect a lovely weekend and then drop that on him as it starts.

O yes, he's knows something's up alright. They always do and the clue is he's gone into 'helpful mode' coupled with mournful eyes and is pushing you to commit to something you seriously don't want to do, but may well find yourself doing anyway because you can't bear to hurt him.

The irony is that he has a hide thicker than a rhinocerous and know exactly what buttons to press to get the response he wants.

Despite your assertion that he's 'friendless', he's been here before with other women, honey, and he's learned nothing from his previous experiences because his twitching - should that be twitchery? - is merely a little light relief from his all-consuming main interest which is himself.

Your choice - go with his plan or find yourself a man who'll shower you with love and will be only too happy to take you for a romantic trip in a gondala. Even if it's only a ride at a nearby fairground rather than the canals of Venice, think how much fun you'll have cudding up on the sofa with hot steamy sex chocolate afterwards.

Don't waste petrol/cab money delivering the coup de grace on Saturday - do it now by phone or text and get on with the serious business of creating the life you want with the partner you want.

The saying has it that when one door closes another one opens and you can 'open sesame' once you've divested yourself of this loser and user. Why wait when the future is nearer than you think?

By text. Really?

Surely no-one deserves that?

I had a friend who couldn't leave her boyfriend for two years because she thought he'd have no friends, relied on her so much, was lost without her, and so on. Eventually, she was so unhappy, she left, feeling guilty and bad all the time. Of course, the joke was he moved on quite quickly, started going out with the guys, and got a new girlfriend (of whom she was jealous) pretty soon too. Of course this guy doesn't have to work at his social life, you are his social life. If you take it away, he'll find another lady friend who will put up with his twitching and lack of commitment, or he'll hang out more with his birdy friends.

Your responsibility is to your own happiness, not to his. And anyway, how is it helping him in life for him to have a partner who doesn't really like him or want to be with him? Set him free, not just yourself.

Your other thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1380170-Is-it-really-bad-of-me-to-take-the-cowards-way-out-here

This is the problem with having 2 threads going simultaneously - it's not easy to see that one is linked to the other.

lol your other million threads more like, what a waste of time posting on here the same thing for 2 years.