Can't go on

[Prforone]

I'm at a complete loss and sometimes feel like ending all this misery once and for all :o(

I have no-one in my life, save for my gorgeous daughter who I honestly believe would be better off with her dad. My dad took his own life two years ago, a month later my mum discovered she had terminal cancer and passed away within four months of her diagnosis. I have a sister but we are not at all close. Our only involvement in each other's lives is to swap presents for the kids at Christmas and Easter.

And now, to top it all, I found out on New Year's Eve that my partner had cheated on me with his ex-wife. When I tackled him about it, he just grabbed his stuff and left.

I feel so alone and don't think I can handle this any more :o(

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

I think you should go to the doctor first thing tomorrow and tell him what's on your mind. You need urgent treatment.

Believe me, your daughter will not be better off with her father. For one thing, he sounds really awful - do you really think she'd prefer to live with him, knowing he caused so much unhappiness that her mum killed herself? Do you really want your daughter to live with his ex wife? Really?

Secondly, though and most importantly, you are everything to your daughter. She loves you. Absolutely loves you. If you kill yourself, her whole life will be destroyed.

Think of all the times you've saved her from harm, right from when she could crawl. Think how you would never forgive someone who harmed her. Think how devastated she would be for the rest of her life if you did that. She'd never forgive you.

Please, go to see a doctor. Ring the Samaritans. Never leave your daughter.

oh Prforone, I'm so sorry to read this - what a terrible sequence of events, especially the loss of your parents so close together :(

You must be reeling from it all. I think, though, that you deserve better than a partner who can treat you that badly. He sounds like an irresponsible shit, tbh.

Now's the time to care for yourself and your DD. Have you got friends close by (or far away) who are giving you some love and support to get through all this?

I'm not sure why you're laughing sweetie ( got the wrong emoticon?) but you've had one hell of a ride the past few year. My heart goes out to you. Please get along to your GP to get some support and a referral for bereavement counselling at least - you can't do this on your own, this is just too much for one person to take alone.

I also have a cold (also vicious) family and it can make your feel much more lonely than you really are. What is your social setup?

You are not alone. You have us and your DD.

You've had a really terrible time so I can understand why you feel so low. Reach out to people in real life, when the shit hits the fan it's amazing who comes through for you. Tell people you are not coping. Someone wills step up.

Go to your GP. You may need ADs or anti anxiety meds to help you through this. Oh and get out the house, go for a walk. The outside world is huge and helps you put your life into perspective.

You have experienced the worst that any of us go through - double bereavement and a cheating partner who walked out. You are overwhelmed with grief - anyone would be in these circs. I agree you should go to your GP and explain what has happened to you. How old is DD? Can you take her to a toddler group where she can play and you can meet other mothers ? Are there any local playgroups? If she is at school, are there any other mothers you could have a coffee with? Just keep going - get some help and keep MNing - there are people posting 24/7.

Sorry, should have explained - my daughter's dad is my exH, not the partner who's cheated on me. And yes, I got my emoticons mixed up

My daughter's school age but the mums I know from the playground have heard enough of my grief following my parents' deaths, not to mention other "dramas" in my life, ie., when my last boyfriend left me, when I was burgled last year and all my mum's jewellery was stolen.

I just feel like the past few years have been a catalogue of disasters and, having now been alerted of my partner's infidelity, I've reached the end of the line

Please arrange counselling asap Prforone. I have also had some very deep things go wrong in my life and your average joe isn't qualified to support effectively. People do care but they dont know what to do. Have you been to see your GP through any of this? I hope you realise that seeing a counsellor isn't a sign of weaknes -- on the contrary, imo it is a sign of strength and common sense re if you had a back injury you'd see a back specialist etc.

Do you have a good relationship with exH?

and while I'm here, I'd just like to send you a

ah sweet you need to see psychiatrist as SD's suggest...you may have the same depression your dad have and if so you at more at risk of suicide....but even without this factor your 'life experiences' have not been a walk in a rosy garden!

You need to try and build RL support around you...usually their are MIND organisations not far that run depression/anxiety groups etc that you can self refer...or support groups for loss...try google CRUISE also for counselling...your local Community Mental Health Team will know of other support groups you can joing in your area...ask GP to refer you. Unless you feel violently suicidal then I suggest phoning GP and their may be a crisis team than can visit you at home to offer support and medication to get you through this rough time...it appears last straw sent you over edge and what you have been through you have coped very very well.

Hello op, some really good advice on here. Can I just say that I was a child without a mother and its not what you want for yours. I can guarantee your beautiful child will adore you always and what a shame to deprive het of having her wonderful mother. You sound like you've had such a lit to bear. Please go to your to. You don't have to suffer, there is help and support for you. There's also lots of people who care about you, including me and others on here. Lots of warm wishes to you.

Great advice from seaofyou but I'm not sure it's a psychiatrist you need to see - as, these days, psychiatrists deal predominantly with medication and are no longer a talking therapy. I hope you get some good leads through the orgs sea has suggested but definitely make an appt with your GP asap. Like, Monday

But keep talking if you need to. We're here.

I went to my GP before Christmas about not coping. I've been on AD's since my mum's diagnosis so he advised increasing the dose and organising some counselling. Having PMI, I had to make some calls about getting a referral and did this before Christmas, in readiness for my follow-up appointment with my GP this Friday. When I went, I didn't get to see him but a final year medical student so had to explain the whole situation again (plus the latest development regarding the cheating partner) and ended up in floods of tears. She went and spoke to my GP who gave me the name of a psychiatrist who I'll need to see for assessment before counselling can be agreed. But it's such a long drawn-out process and I don't know if I have the energy to see it through.

Everything is such a chore at the moment. Even simple things like getting out of bed seem impossibly hard as I don't want to face the world. I'm not eating or sleeping properly. Getting myself to work in the mornings is a struggle as I know I'm going into an office where everyone's life seems so much better than mine. I'm not naive enough to think my work colleagues don't have their fair share of troubles but I find myself jealous of things they have that they probably see as mundane, eg., parents and partners for support, social lives, etc. I face the same kind of feelings when doing the school run and dread it each day.

I have distant family overseas and had a call from them on New Year's Day, when all my emotions yet again came to the surface. They promised they'd call again in the week and I've not heard another thing from them I honestly don't believe anyone would miss me if I weren't here. My daughter truly is the one thing keeping me going but there's a part of me that believes she'd be better off with her well-balanced dad and all the support she'd have from his family. I have nothing to offer her.

Oh, and I have a chronic illness and struggle to take my medication each day as I no longer see the point

Op, you're doing lots of positive things. People do get caught up in their own lives and sometimes don't understand just how bad things can be. Please don't say your daughter would be better off, she won't be. No child should be without their parent and you sound such a lovely woman who has hit a very difficult time in life. Be kind to yourself, you re dealing with things none of us should have to deal with. I'm a big fan offt writing my thoughts down. It can be surprisingly therapeutic. My battery in phone about to go. I'll say hi later.

if ADs not working from mainstream gp (you need try to see if upping dose does work first) otherwise then psychiatrist will reassess and monitoring by CPN before being sent back to GP is next level....counselling good you need the meds first to help you with counselling iygim as takes a few weeks to change some ADs and to take effect

What depression did you dad have? If you have same you may need certain type of AD.

Oh, I'm so so sorry

What a truly awful time you are having

Your daughter needs you, that is for sure

Please follow though with any RL help and support you are offered

Could you afford to pay or some counselling ? It sounds urgent to me. If you still have a joint account with your H, you woud be justified in taking money out of that to pay for it

I would bet not all of your friends are "bored" of your traumas. Reach out to someone who would be happy to simply have a coffee and listen to you get everything off your chest.

Please take care of yourself x

Pro phone samartinans NOW please...also what long term contidion do you have? Is this causing added problems as not taking meds for it?

You are your baby's world.....she needs you and you only.....get lots of hugs from her but also RL too soon...again out of hours gp can refer you to crisis team tonight and nurse will come and see you at home.

are you ok, OP ?

com and tell us how you are feeling x

have you spoken to samartitans?

How are you now?

AF and I are worried about you...please let us know how you are

Hi there Prforone didn't want to read and run. Get yourself to your GP, ask him to refer you for counselling. Things do get better. I am proof of that.

Prforone I'm so sorry for everything that you are going through.

Things must feel incredibly bleak just now, but your DD would not be better off without you. There will never be anyone who can fill your place in her life.

Can you the GP to change or increase your ADs?

If you feel able to get private counselling you can have a look here. You should be able to see someone fairly quickly. NHS waiting times in my area for counselling are around 3 months after being assessed by a psychologist.

If it's any comfort, I've felt suicidal before now, but ADs and counselling have really helped. There is always hope.

Take care.

Hi op, how's things? I hope you ve managed a bit of peace tonight. It would be nice if you would let us know how you're doing.

Prforone I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time, but hopefully, when the help you've asked for starts, you'll be able to hold your head above water long enough to feel clearer about your situation. I also lost both parents within months of eachother and discovered my husbands affair inbetween. It took me a while to separate the different emotions of each loss and the AD's and counselling will help you to adjust. You must be an especially special Mummy to your daughter after all the recent loss she's been through, I hope you can take comfort in loving each-other now. Wishing you lots of cuddles.

Hi Prforone, really sorry you're finding things so hard.

i would be quite happy to listen to you if you posted all your worries and feelings here, lots of us would listen.

I am sure your daughter is gorgeous and she has become so whilst being looked after by you. She loves you more than anything else in her whole world.

Take care and let us know how you are.

Op; my mum died too of cancer and I am lucky in that I still have dad. If there is one thing that mum's death taught me is that life is precious and that we have to try and live it to the max. It is incredibly painful that your dp walked out (I am also single after being walked out on) but try to see it as he failed an important test; he didn't stand by you therefore he's not up to the job of being your dp. My bf couldn't handle my mum's death either. He wants me back now but it is far too late.

In the mean time;pPlease phone the samaritans, go to the doctor and get meds and live life as best you can for the sake of your parents. thye would want you to be happy. Life is too short to stay with weak men op; you are worth so much more.

Oh I'm really worried about u.

There are people here that will listen if u just want to type... I agree with toptramp your parents would want u to be happy and you deserve happiness, everybody does. Your little girl needs you and loves you- you are her world, every girl needs her mummy. It can't get any worse, right? It can only get better. Call the relatives u mentioned- tell them honestly how u feel; they may be able to help.

I dont know what else to say. If you're up to logging on, please let us know how you are x