i found a secret facebook account and a 'dirty' text conversation on his phone...

[messybedhead]

But the funny thing is, is that this was in October and I didn't feel hurt or cheated, I just made fun of him.

I also found lots of 'naughty' photos of women on his phone. The most sickening thing I found was a video of him pleasuring himself with all the sound effects. It was obviously made during the day when I was at work which meant my DS would have been in the house.

In the text conversation he had told this girl that I was his sister and that he'd beaten up my boyfriend for me- sorry even writing all this down makes me cringe.

His secret facebook account was linked to a page searching for this girl- I mean it is really soooooooooo pathetic I am dying just writing this down. There is lots more but its all stuff you've read a million times on here about nasty, cheating pigs.

Anyway, I just wanted opinions really. Obviously I should LEAVE HIM (did I mention he's useless around the house and doesn't have a job, nor has he managed to successfully keep one), but I need him to look after the DC. I have just started a job after years of training which requires me to leave at 7 and get home at half past 6. I don't drive. I have looked EVERYWHERE including various adverts on that other parenting website, but there is not available and affordable childcare local that can have my children from half past 6 until half past 6. I don't think I can use a nanny as I would need tax credits to help with the cost. My job doesn't pay that well. But hopefully it will one day.

We do not have any family locally (it was his brilliant idea to move to this area away from everyone) or local friends as we only moved 2 years ago and I don't really know any of the mums at DD's school as we moved here in Year One.

I go to work and make fun of him and everyone says that I should leave him, and if I had my mum living around the corner to help me with childcare I would have left him oooh maybe 2 years ago. And I know childcare is a really stupid excuse , but I have worked so hard to get where I am and I need to complete this one year in order to be qualified properly ( can you guess what I do??).

Sorry I'm rambling, blame the wine. I don't even know what I'm asking really- just want to talk about it without putting on a brave face like I normally do.

He sounds awful. Starting out as a teacher is tough enough without having to deal with all this crap.

If you have a permanent contract in a school where you enjoy teaching, then I agree that you should try to hold on to that . Can you keep pestering the local schools that you would like your children to attend in case places come up ? Are your children actually on their waiting lists? I was told that schools can reset their waiting lists after each annual round of admissions, not sure whether that's true.

Intensive driving lessons in summer hols?

How do the finances work ? Have you got an account of your own to save for a getaway fund ? Are all credits/ child benefit etc in your name?

Have you kept evidence or a diary of your H's infidelities and abuse? Is it possible for you to speak to your local DV police unit if you feel threatened by his abuse? It is probably worth making your children's school aware of the home situation so that they can speak to an appropriate adult if they are upset by their father's actions.