Asked DH to leave 2.5 months ago after years of emotional and verbal occasionally physical abuse to me and 4 DCs (all primary school age). His controlling and angry behaviour escalated so have reduced contact to Saturdays only currently (informally with his consent). DCs love and hate him in equal measure.
Part of abuse to DCs has involved his angry outbursts and control around choices they make including (and especially) instruments that they are learning. Daughters have "managed him" but son has fewer skills in this way and is also picked on much more. In the end DS's first choice instrument got so involved in the shouting and his emotions that he has not been able to contemplate touching it even now that his father is out of the house.
DS has now voluntarily chosen a different instrument, one that his father does not play, through school and with the music teacher's approval and support. I have told him it is his choice and that we will support him but that he knows that he will have to practise regularly etc etc.
Mentioned this to DH before Christmas, he said "isn't a "proper" instrument" "very limiting" he thinks it's a bad choice...I left the discussion open.
Today (DC3's birthday) special pancake breakfast with Dh and GPs present before he takes them out for his regular contact. DCs talking about what they are doing and DC1 mentions the alternative instrument: cue fireworks for 40 minutes in front of GPs, me DCs and all. No holding back, lots of personal stuff and accusations about my character, wifely duties etc. He has forbidden DS to play the instrument and I am not to make decisions that are his to make. I did not (apparently) talk to him first and Dc IS NOT ALLOWED to give up his first instrument...never mind whether he is actually able to play it or not.
He is their parent, he has parental responsibility, BUT he is damaging them.....WWYD?????? I can't protect my darling children, I don't know what to do.