Am I being really ungrateful about a present I received this Christmas?

[Chesting]

So have always "Gone on" to DP about Pandora bracelets. Only as a joke (which he knew) as I know full well he could never afford one and even if he did buy me one, I'd be frightened to wear it incase it got broken and could never afford the charms for it anyway. So whilst always saying silly stuff like "oh can't wait until I open my Pandora bracelet from you" I ALWAYS made it obvious I was joking and didn't really want one. He knew this.

Anyway this christmas came a surprise from him. A charm bracelet. Not a pandora one (as I said, I never really wanted a pandora one anyway and certainly wasn't expecting one) but a charm bracelet not the less. Now, he tried making out that this bracelet cost him quite a bit of money and that he put a lot of time and effort into choosing the beads for it and making it perfect etc. I did appreciate this and wore it New Years Eve. In a way i've been feeling a bit guilty about it as I'm unsure I want to continue the relationship much further and felt bad that he'd spent money and time on this gift.

However! he's accidently left his email on his laptop and I've seen that the bracelet itself cost him 99p off ebay. The charms were bought in bulk for £2.50 and the "extra special one" he claims to have chosen just for me was actually in a set of random mixed charms for £3.20. All of it from ebay.

Now I don't generally care about cost of stuff but this isn't what he was making out is it? He led me to believe this was a massive deal cost/money wise but it wasn't really, was it? Plus I noticed the charms were listed as "children's charms" which isn't exactly flattering either.

So am I being ungrateful or would this have you raise an eyebrow too?

With my DH it usually works like 'thoughtful and cheap' or 'don't have a clue and expensive'. The first would be my 2 euro sparkly nail polish that I'm wearing right now :) . The latter would be the 120 euro pandora bead that I never wear :( .

I think if your DP had bought that bracelet and not gone on about it or used it to garner gifts for himself then I would have thought it brilliant and sweet. He seems to have a shitty attitude though so I'd be saying my bye-byes.

Why is everyone going on about the thought behind the gifts etc.??!!

If this is true:

'And yes of course it's nice that he buys me things randomly but then believe me - I constantly get it thrown back at me "Hmm I bought you those flowers and you won't even iron a shirt for me" etc.
Same with the bracelet. He wanted me to buy him some expensive aftershave and mentioned the bracelet a couple of times (not sure if it was intentional but the cynic in me says it was!). I genuinely can't afford the aftershave and felt guilty because I thought he'd spent loads on the bracelet!!'

• then he is HORRIBLE. Deliberately using cheap-as-possible gifts to angle for services/gifts for himself? How calculating and nasty. It's not about gifts or the lack of thought therein at all, it's about a nasty little man trying to manipulate someone into doing stuff for him at the least possible cost to himself, be it getting a pricey aftershave or getting his shirts ironed. Yuk.

How completely horrid. It's not about paying pennies for the bracelet, it's about NOT ONLY lying to the OP about that, but actually trying to use the lie for gain - getting her to feel guilty so that she'd buy something expensive that he wanted. What a little fraudster.

DUMP.

Because some of us don't read all the other posts

Chesting if you mean that you dislike the fact that he tries to pass things off as stuff they are not, the u totally get that and its pissed me off in the past too.

For example if I had been given the flowers and led to believe he had gone to the effort of buying me an expensive bunch of flowers when they obviously weren't them I would be miffed. If I had been given the flowers and told oh they were going to be thrown but I thought you might like them then I would have been chuffed at the thought. Its about honesty for me.

But maybe he feels embarrassed that he can't afford to buy you expensive stuff so tries to cover it up ...

same as puffin

I didn't read the manipulation bit, so obviously my idea that he may be embarrassed that he can't afford stuff is way off the mark.

I still get what you mean though OP

Sorry for shouting

He actually did put thought into the present. He knew you liked Pandora bracelets so he bought you a cheaper similar one.

However LYING about it makes him a twat.

Why would anyone do that over a present and if he lies about that what else does he lie about?

Dump him.

Oh just dump him. I do get what you mean but it all just sounds a bit fucked up and like hard work.

Just chuck him. You clearly don't like him very much (and from what you've written here I don't blame you).

You don't need permission. You are allowed to finish a relationship with a man for any reason or no reason. You don't NEED a partner and you don't owe this chap anything.

They're not actually gifts, they're (very stingy) payment for services he wants you to render. He sounds horrible, between that and the lying.

Quintessential, he's not saving though, is he? He's treating himself when he wants to.

I think he sounds horrible, OP. Really horrible. It's insulting that he's trying to pass off dirt cheap children's jewellery as jewellery he's struggled to buy and then tell you to iron his frigging shirts because he bought you some tat!

Chuck him out and give his bracelet to the nearest child.

This is like your third or fourth thread about how tight your DP is. You seem as obsessed with the cost of things as he is, only you are at opposite ends of the scale.

Just dump him and then you won't have to obsess any more about how much the flowers and chocolates and bracelets he keeps buying you costs.

Tooeasily tempted it is very easy for simple tighwaddery to become financial abuse. There is a very fine line between the two.
I once dated a guy whose car was broken into and he didnt want to spend ANY money on a cab even though i offered to go halves. He wanted to brush the glass off the seats and drive us around in it with a broken window with possibly miniscule shards of glass everywhere. No police report means no crime number.
He refused to go out and replace toilet paper when it ran out one weekend while i was staying at his and i popped some Imodium just in case. Lovely thing to put your girlfriend through when she suffers from IBS. There were many other incidents but it would take to long to list them.
So what should the OP do? Wait til she has a child with him and he comes home with a car baby seat that was an absolute "bargain" and watch him be really chuffed that hes put money before his childs safety!!!
I have read many posts on here where the poster has ended up with no money of her own and is only in receipt of the Child Benefit/tax credits etc,sometimes not even that.
Perhaps if more of us opened our eyes a little and recognised the signs. Perhaps if we were a bit more supportive of each other in these kind of situations instead of immediately assuming that the person complaining about it must be a materialistic gold digger then
A. Less women would end up in financially abusive situations.
B. And perhaps more women would speak up about it when they DO find themselves in a financially abusive relationship/situation,instead of keeping quiet about it for fear of being labelled a gold digger.

that kind of "joke" stops being a joke if it goes on and on too long and becomes a passive agressive dig!

you deserved it for that!

it sounds like he kind of taught you a lesson LOL

I did learn a lesson from what happened to me. I learnt that expecting certain standards in a relationship does not make you greedy or a gold digger.