Am I being really ungrateful about a present I received this Christmas?

[Chesting]

So have always "Gone on" to DP about Pandora bracelets. Only as a joke (which he knew) as I know full well he could never afford one and even if he did buy me one, I'd be frightened to wear it incase it got broken and could never afford the charms for it anyway. So whilst always saying silly stuff like "oh can't wait until I open my Pandora bracelet from you" I ALWAYS made it obvious I was joking and didn't really want one. He knew this.

Anyway this christmas came a surprise from him. A charm bracelet. Not a pandora one (as I said, I never really wanted a pandora one anyway and certainly wasn't expecting one) but a charm bracelet not the less. Now, he tried making out that this bracelet cost him quite a bit of money and that he put a lot of time and effort into choosing the beads for it and making it perfect etc. I did appreciate this and wore it New Years Eve. In a way i've been feeling a bit guilty about it as I'm unsure I want to continue the relationship much further and felt bad that he'd spent money and time on this gift.

However! he's accidently left his email on his laptop and I've seen that the bracelet itself cost him 99p off ebay. The charms were bought in bulk for £2.50 and the "extra special one" he claims to have chosen just for me was actually in a set of random mixed charms for £3.20. All of it from ebay.

Now I don't generally care about cost of stuff but this isn't what he was making out is it? He led me to believe this was a massive deal cost/money wise but it wasn't really, was it? Plus I noticed the charms were listed as "children's charms" which isn't exactly flattering either.

So am I being ungrateful or would this have you raise an eyebrow too?

But a gift is a gift, who cares that the flowers cost 99p and were about to be thrown out? He brought you flowers still, didn't he? My DP travels a lot for work and sometimes brings me home gifts - my favourite one being a pen that has a duck on the end (a duck being part of an in joke we have together)...it can't have cost more than £1 but I love it and love that he saw it and thought of me.

I agree with the previous poster that said that if you were truly into him, none of this would matter.

I don't know, it's hard to explain. It really isn't the price of stuff. It's the fact that something has to be no good to anyone else before he'll consider buying me it. Like the dying Orchid he bought me. Especially when he'll then go and buy a massive take-away for himself and a load of lottery tickets and sweets and chocolates and drink etc. He's not skint. It's REALLY hard to explain and I know I'm coming across as a spoilt brat now but I just don't know how to explain it. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm really not worth that much to him. And I know a person's worth isn't reflected in what they own.

Put it this way - if he'd bought the whole bracelet for 99p BUT chose each bead individually for ME like he made out he had - I would feel differently.

Thank you Ruby!! exactly.

When's his birthday? Buy him this and see if you can keep a straight face while you explain that it's not an iphone but close enough, and you took a lot of time and effort to source something that would do the job just as well.

The thing that would bother me about this, is that he has tricked you into thinking the bracelet is worth more than it is. I love a bargain myself, and love finding stuff in the sales or charity shops, but would hate it if I was tricked into thinking something was valuable when it wasn't. Some of the fake pandora bracelets look quite good though. I bought a bracelet in a debenhams outlet store just because I liked the look of it, a bit like a fake sweetie bracelet.

journoem - you hit the nail on the head when you said the pen meant something because ducks are an in joke between the two of you. He saw something and it reminded him of you. My DP is incapable of that. I only get something if it's about to be thrown out - doesn't matter if it's "me" or whatever.

Can I just point out that to some blokes going on ebay, searching, buying, bidding, rejecting 4 out of the 5 charms as useless and using one of them as meaningful, is TO THEM, THOUGHTFUL.

It's only to a lot of women (more consumer savvy, more used to constant shopping) is it not.

Stand down BloodyMoFo. The OP's not actually bothered about the cost and he's not skint. It's the fact that she thought he'd put a lot of thought and effort into something and it was actually a job lot from ebay.

She thought he had tried really hard and probably started to wonder if she'd judged him too harshly. She hadn't. She probably feels foolish and a bit embarrassed.

And yes of course it's nice that he buys me things randomly but then believe me - I constantly get it thrown back at me "Hmm I bought you those flowers and you won't even iron a shirt for me" etc.
Same with the bracelet. He wanted me to buy him some expensive aftershave and mentioned the bracelet a couple of times (not sure if it was intentional but the cynic in me says it was!). I genuinely can't afford the aftershave and felt guilty because I thought he'd spent loads on the bracelet!!

Wow - your last post - right - he's a manipulative, really quite conniving and nasty little grasper. Dump him, and if he wants to know why - send him this thread! Your last post should make his cheeks burn - but probably won't.

What a horrid little turd!

And if he never got you any 'stuff', how would you feel then?

How do you measure 'effort'?

Forget it, what Hassled said. Just dump him.

drip drip drip

Delightful as always

For a man, it probably did take a lot of thought to get the bits off ebay, even as a job lot. My DH got me a book (from the book people, who visit his office!) called "Can't be arsed". I doubt it cost any more than your charm bracelet ensemble, and it took far less thought and effort.
If you go off at him, he's going to get the message "don't bother to get me presents, I only appreciate the cost", and he'll know you've been snooping on his computer. Let it go, enjoy the present in the spirit it was given, and learn not to look at DHs ebay history when he's just got you a gift.

'For a man'

Sexist rubbish. Men are just as capable of buying lovely, thoughtful gifts.

The two of you sound about as materialistic as each other.

You with going on about pandora bracelets, him with wanting to save money rather than spend. I know which one I find more sensible to be honest.

You got what you deserve. If I was a man, and my girlfriend a materialistic cow who kept angling for presents, I would also only deem her worthy of a cut price bunch of flowers.

Well, it's clear that this relationship isn't working - if it was, then this really wouldn't be that big a deal. But if it feels like the last straw because of lots of other things, then call an end to it. Neither of you should be counting up costs or using effort/cost against each other as leverage in other arguments. It's not healthy and doesn't bode well for this relationship having legs.

Chesting,

Men can and do buy thier wives/other halves nice gifts; you're with a tight arse and I can imagine that he is not great either in other areas of your relationship as well.

Your man was not thoughtless; this was deliberate and calculated thinking on his part. He basically thinks you are not worth it and that is why he went onto Ebay and bought you some cheap trinkets to palm off on you.

What do you get out of this relationship now bearing in mind too that you seem unsure as to whether you want to continue with this relationship at all?.

I used to get gifts that had no thought attached from xh, so I get where you are coming from. I wonder if you have been waiting for him to do something different for a while, and this made you stop and wonder whether - for once - he had done something thoughtful. He hasn't though, has he? I think you've picked up perfectly on the undertones.

I am with Puffin on this. It wouldnt be the cost that would be the issue, it would be the lying, and the expectations that a gift comes with some sort of payback (ie the shirt ironing).

Men are more than capable of being imaginative with gifts if they put the effort into it, although I do think that many men happily expect their partners to do it for them. If the woman is ok with that, then fine, that is their business.