something weird on dhs phone

[Sarah67]

Last night dh went out for a drink with an old friend Mr H (who has never had a relationship in 45 years and still lives at home). Later on I picked up dhs phone to google something. Typed into google search box were the words "is my husband gay?". I asked dh what he had been googling that for and his first response was "I was wondering if Mr H was gay". I wasnt convinced and asked him why he had chosen the word "husband" in that case. His next response was "actually I was googling becasue I think you might be gay. We never have sex anymore etc etc etc..." . I was not particulalry convinced with this either, I am not gay and never have been. The words were "is my husband gay" not "is my wife gay". Why would he be searching that? It is just such an odd choice of words. Any ideas? I feel I dont know who the hell Im married to any more.

Anyway.

I would leave this well alone. I doubt your DH is gay. He just has a weird friend.

Even if he was gay, would that mean the end of your marriage? Couldn't you just carry on as you are once you'd got your head around it? (Sorry if that sounds blase - it's not meant to)

oops xposted Sarah, sorry yes of course you have to think of this can of worms....can you remain in a sexless marriage...without this google stuff? I mean even if this is innocent!?

A can of worms opens in the end anyhow....the longer down the line the harder it is.

Cant get to his phone but he will have wiped anything incriminating im sure.

This reminds me of my first marriage. I once found a stack of porn and asked ex-dh why he had it. He looked me in the eye and said "Oh, Its not mine, I thought it was yours" . I didnt cate about the porn but i was upset that he lied to me. This is so much worse tho. The suspicion that dh is gay. Shit. I feel ill.

I get 'is my house suitable for solar panels'

Maybe he's questioning his sexuality, maybe he typed that into google to read recognizable signs - to see if you'd be questioning too.. It doesn't necessarily mean he's done anything.

If you are close and discuss everything, why haven't the two of you discussed how you feel about a lack of sex life, or how you both feel about it? i don't understand.

LynetteS, god I hope you are right that ds is unlikley to be gay. I would feel hugely betrayed by the lies. I love him dearly and like to think at some point when our children actually start sleeping through the night, we might get back to some sort of sex life. Last night, dh did suggest counselling to get our sex life back on track so maybe all is not lost.

I think I will go and ask him again about his googling tho. that is still weird and concerns me hugely.

Sarah...even if this 'gay' thing is a red herring...there is something wrong if you have had only had sex 3 times in 4 years!

Don't you think?

Was this today this phone incident....demand to look at his email account? It is your only chance incase he deletes (I am guessing he is aware of your 1st exh incident and will go straight to delete anything on emails).

I'm like Mutt hence good name! Need to dig to find the truth. Look in spam for gay date sites...and type 'gay' in search of email box to search faster.

Sorry this must be bloody dragging you apart Sarah....but you may miss the opportunity! One last question does he always hide his phone/emails from you or am I wrong?

Jellykat, you are right. We talk about everything else but not that. Its the proverbial elephant in the room. It is something we should have addressed years ago. I hope we still have something to hold on to.

Seaof you, he never hides his phone. In fact he knows i pick it up to browse on sometimes becasue it is better than my phone. Part of me hopes that there is an innocent esplanation bedcause he would have deleted anything incriminating on his phone before leaving it next to the bed where i oftem browse.

I get

Is my husband gay
Is my house haunted
Is my house owned by fannie mae ??wtf

Seriously though, it does seem like that google search has struck a chord with you? When you saw it did you, on some level, feel that it was confirmation that he is gay?

is my honda chain an o ring or not

is my house haunted.

is you dh just having a laugh with his responce, a responce I may have if I had been asked such a thing.

an exp told me his db was a very succesfull buisnessman in NZ, not sure why but I googled his name.

the exp used my computer and seen I had googled his db name and asked why. I just responded. I wanted to make sure he was not a serial killer he was a bit not sure why I sai that to him.

Prehaps he's telling the truth that he wondered whether Mr H was gay.

And he then moved on from these thoughts to wonder whether his meeting up with him regularly might look suspicious to you, so googled "is my huband gay" to see whether it would suggest that his meeting up would look suspicious.

I don't think it tells you anything about whether he is gay or not, just that he as reason to think you might be suspicious of him.

The search itself wouldn't worry me - as others have said, it could so easily be an autofill question. It's his change of answer that I would be uncomfortable with. How was his body language/tone - was he joking, as festi suggest?

catsareevil, there was never any reason at all to think dh is gay. Nothing.

Thank you so much for giving me some advice. I am going to go and talk to dh now. I think ds is finally asleep.

purple no he changed the answer was Sarah gay....total caught out! Know if he thought Mr H was gay...wouldn't he type in 'is my friend gay?' I am thinking along the lines he is depressed hence no sexual drive....wheather it be his sexuality or another reason...then because of no libido he is starting to think he is gay...unless he is on sex chat lines via his email...so you full access to his emails too Sarah? If so red herring!

But this sexless issue is huge alarm bells either way! I never give advice as cr@p at it so I hope this 'mega huge gut' feeling I have is from eating to much over Xmas and I am talking bull...I really do!

If he was worried about his own sexuality he would type "am I gay". Definitley the excuses rather than the search that are more worrying.

But he wouldn't want to say "I thought you might think I was gay" would he? But that must be what he was thinking. But doesn't necessarily mean he is gay, just that he was aware his actions mightly make OP suspicious.

If he was actually wondering if he was gay, he'd have typed "Am I gay" wouldn't he?

I was about 11yrs old and day of my mum bestf wedding he left note the groom to be saying he was gay....everyone was shocked and no one had an idea! But when we looked back it made sense! He was lovely, handsome, would have been best friend and hubby perfect all round that is why I get jealous when I see gay men....hetrosexual men not a patch on them!
Sarah if it turns out he is having these feelings or thoughts then it doesnt mean the end....this can be worked out. I do hope you come back though and say I am talking cr@p as will be ok then

Catsareevil, I got the same as you!

purple...he might be trying to hide the signs from his wife? So wanted to check the signs....but yes he would have typed in 'Am I gay?' so again another twist.....it is a very unusual thing for a 'happily' married man to type into google though...and with no sex either...just doesn't add up...does it?

If you are close, affectionat and contented without having much sex then that's not wrong. Some people are not very interested in sex, some people are more - or less - interested in it at different stages in their lives. If you have never had any reason to mistrust him, there may be nothing to mistrust.