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Original poster

Stag weekend for 3 nights in BlackPool - would you let him go??

54 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 20:26

Dh has never stayed away from home before and im worried he may have seperation anxiety, get lost, feel homesick, not be ablke to sleep at night through worrying about me...im not sure hs really ready for an adventure like this!

And now the truth..

DH has been invited on his brothers Stag weekend, for three nights in Blackpool. Coincidently it falls on his days off in June so in theory he will be able to go... but Im not sure I want to be left on my own for 3 days whilst hes off boozing and having fun (I know thats selfish)

Im not worried about him being unfaithful as I trust him but I am worried they will go to strip clubs etc. In theory I wouldnt mind but in reality i would be very jealous and would probably be very upset (ridiculas reaction?)

Would you let your DH go? I know if i asked him not to go then he would stay at home but im not sure its very fair of me to ask him.

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 20:32

Dh has just said that it is likely that his brother and mates will go to a strip club and how did I feel about it. I said I had to think it over. But its hardly fair of me to ask him to be the one sat alone in the hotel whilst everyone else went out is it? But i hate the thought of him leering over strippers

OP posts:
QE2 · 13/01/2006 20:38

Yes I would let my dh go. Turn it the other way round - what would he feel if it were you going off for a hen weekend and part of it was watching Dreamboys or Adonis in a strip show? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, after all it's just harmless fun. You wouldn't want to miss out if you had the chance would you?

Could you arrange to do something with the kids on the nights he is away with family or friends? That way you won't be sitting dwelling on what he (isn't) up to.

Flossam · 13/01/2006 20:38

DP is supposed to be going to one in some european country later this year. But he has a lot of debt. We are hoping to get a mortgage (applying now, fingers crossed), and have not a hope in hell of having any kind of holiday at all together this year. He is now resigned to the fact that he is not going. However, if it was just a stag weekend and none of these issues were a problem, I'd be pretty unreasonable to tell him he couldn't, tbh.

Blondeinlondon · 13/01/2006 20:39

Yes, my DH is on a stag do this weekend
Lapdancers are on the schedule
Not thrilled about it but told him he is not allowed to shag any!!

QE2 · 13/01/2006 20:40

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

I once went to a lapdancing club with dh in London one weekend and loved every minute of it!

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 20:41

I have been to see strippers and dh didnt mind a bit, even had my photo taken with one of them. I dont know why i feel that for me to go is fun but for him to go is sexual - maybe cause men are more visual than women? I know Im over analysing and being jealous and I feel bad for feeling this way.

I suppose its because im insecure about the way I look etc - the usual excuses.

Dh is so good and has said if im not comfotable he wont go - and im not confortable but cant bring myself to be so controlling and mean as to not let him go. His brother needs to know numbers so a desicion has to be made.

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 20:56

Dh has just made me laugh - He just asked whether MN had said he could go yet

OP posts:
notasheep · 13/01/2006 21:07

I think you should let him go-we all need our free time,then you can have a girly weekend away somewhere.

My dp went away when dd was 3months old and i had severe PND-he went for 3 nights too,to get stoned in Amsterdam.Some things you never forget

northerner · 13/01/2006 21:08

Yep let him go.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 21:09

I dont mind him going. He could really use the break and something to look forward to as we had a tough year in 2005.

Its just the stripper thing....

My Dh oggling other womens boobs (real ones as opposed to magazines) lap dances, fivers in g-strings etc... I just find it distastful.

I wont stop him from going but i think I need to deal with the issues i obviously have about him seeing strippers iyswim.

OP posts:
notasheep · 13/01/2006 21:11

Does your dh want to go and see all these ladies?

shades1 · 13/01/2006 21:11

Yes let him go, have done this with DH for a number of years now, he always comes home and tells me how much the last day/hours dragged (depending on how long he's been away) he is now much more selective about the time he is away without any pressure from me and the added avantage is it's now very useful ammunition now friend/family are now turning 40 and i'm wanting to go on girls weekends away !

shades1 · 13/01/2006 21:13

p.s. don't even think about the strippers etc they are just doing a job - sort of like plucking chickens - Don't wory about it

madmarchhare · 13/01/2006 21:14

You may go Mr Tamba.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 21:15

Hes not desperate to go and see the strippers but he has never been to one before and he would like to go to his brothers stag night (as he should) and as seeing strippers is part of the stag night then he would like to go and see them too. He says he wont go if I am bothered and we have laughed and joked about it but deep down I am bothered and I know i shouldnt be. He never goes out, I never have to post and say 'dh is down the pub again' etc. He does a hell of alot more than his share of childcare and supports us all by working hard. He deserves time away to relax and I wont be selfish enough to deprive him of it.

So how can I deal with my insecurities? without it being obvious to dh - because if he is worried about my reaction he wont enjoy himself iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 21:17

I have to add, I went away and stayed with a friend for 4 nights a few months ago and have been away for 6 nights (six times each being a night away) in the last few months. So I have absolutly no reason to stop him going.

Other than I am worried about my reaction to the strippers.

OP posts:
bubblerock · 13/01/2006 21:22

Hey Tamba - book him in to my hotel and I can keep an eye on him

notasheep · 13/01/2006 21:22

Are you worried he may have a shag?

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 21:27

lol bubblerock - I have already thought about it although I wasnt sure whether you would want 8 or 9 probably drunk by the end of the evening men staying in your lovely hotel! Although DH is a nice drunk - He just giggles, farts and falls asleep

I dont think im worried he will shag someone because I trust him and also because i dont think he would have the confidence but I do worry alittle because I was his first girlfriend/kiss/shag so he has never really had an opportunity to experiment etc. But he loves me and it would kill him afterwards.

Its just the thought of him maybe w*nking over these women or thinking about them or being turned on by them - how pathetic is that! It would be my own parania and insecurites that would cause problems not his behaviour as he is the quiet and shy type.

OP posts:
QE2 · 13/01/2006 21:29

Tambe - let me tell you that these strippers might look like they have fantastic bodies and can dance brilliantly round a pole or table, but they are rough as hell when you get up close.

It's just a job to them and they look at the blokes in the audience as sad old gits getting a few cheap kicks. Well, cheap if they don't stick fivers in their bras to dance for them. If it was me I would have no qualms at all about him going, the only stipulation would be not to waste money on personal dances.

QE2 · 13/01/2006 21:32

Tamba - not going to a lapdance club isn't going to stop him w*nking over some attractive woman - he might get his kicks from someone on the till at Tesco for all you know or someone he passes in the street. We all do it. I'm sure there are dozens of women on MN who have fantasised about shagging Robbie whilst in bed with our dh's - it's human nature and doesn't mean he is going to shag or run off with them.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/01/2006 22:02

I know

Its just my insecurities talking.

Personal Dances???????

OP posts:
grammaticus · 13/01/2006 22:17

Yes, let him go. Then book your own weekend off!

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spacedonkey · 13/01/2006 23:25

If he wants to go, and there's no practical reason why he shouldn't go, then you should let him go.

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