he did it again...

[hediditagain]

test

I was just testing name change...
I just need to talk to someone or i will explode...We have been together for more than 11yrs. He was always jealous type and we had ups and downs,but stayed together. I am not from here,don't have anyone, people at work or in my DC school who wanted to befriend me,i would always find excuses because,he wasn't happy and it would escalate in another big argument,which i was always trying to avoid.So basically i am alone,within million of people,i am alone.......
Recently,i had to have ST because of my health problems,and since then he is non stop telling me that i was cheating on him and always leads to arguments for no reason. Tonight again,he went to sleep and woke up 1h ago,grumpy and basically looking for argument...Bringing back again that i got pregnant because of f...... around (when???? ) and i am bitch...I dared to answer back and he threw a bottle of water at me---it hurts like hell....He did,literally beat me up in October,it started with small thing and ended being slapped,pinned on the floor,kicked....was two days off from work....I really hate the thought of sex,but if i don't do it,it's another shit for me.
Can't leave him because of very very very complicated reason which i am hoping will be solved 2012...No one in my family doesn't know,i have few friends from my country that we send e-mails to each other about very light general things....
Don't know what to do....i am very tired..Sometimes i wonder what have i done to deserve someone to treat me so badly? Am i such a bad person? What's the point in living my life,there is nothing to it except my 2DC???????
LONELY LOST SOUL !!!! How can be someone alone within so many living souls......tonight i am so sad and it's a very difficult night for me...
Thank you for listening.........

Hi. I am not sure I have any advice for you that you cannot give yourself but I did not want you to be sitting there waiting for a reply.

Firstly, it is nothing that you do - you DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. You are NOT a bad person. This is all about him and the choices he makes to treat you this way.

I really hope that, whatever the reason you have for not leaving him, it is resolved early in the new year. However, can you not contact Women's Aid or a local refuge?

Sorry I have no words to help but I wish you well.

I don't really to say but you don't deserve this, ring 0808 2000 247, they will help x

hediditagain, where are you from - originally, and now? Maybe a fellow countrywoman or a local MNnetter could befriend you.

You dont deserve to be hurt. Please speak to someone - womens aid or police DV specialist. EVen if your visa is dependant on your spouse, the courts will take a dim view of physical and sexual abuse of this kind.

Thank you all for reading and replaying...It was really hard to put everything down...and so many other things which i wanted to forget,came up....I am in UK, London and i just need to put myself together and i will have to do something about it...Can't do this any more..i am drained....It actually feels good to take this out of me....but the emptiness and sadness no one can remove it.
I feel like my life is finished. Instead planing future i am sitting here ,with tears and looking from the balcony all the fireworks and people are wishing each other all the best and it's so nice...They should cherish all the happy moments with family and friends... It's so hard to be lonely...So hard.
Do you know,i don't remember when was the last time someone just gave me a hug...simple thing like that lots of people take it for granted...i do have my two little angels,but they are still small and i am trying to protect them as much as i can.
I miss having a friend,to talk about silly things ....fashion,gossip....I talk with my colleagues ,but because i refused to meet them for a drink or for a coffee after work they are not even trying any more.I come here on MN and i run away from my life like that.....
Do you know,i don't go to the shop without at least confirming with him(if he is in good mood) or asking him,and 90% of time when i come back,he makes a big deal out of it....
Why did i let this to happen????It's my fault....it didn't happen over the night...now when i look back,it was just building up over period of time....

kept refusing them (correction)

Hi, phone that number posted upthread.

You do NOT deserve this. It creeps up so slowly and then suddenly there you are having to ask if you can go out to get milk. There are a lot of people on MN who have been where you are now. It's not your fault (did I mention that?). It's the bastard's fault.

You need RL help as well as online support. You'll get loads of the latter here on MN, but as your family are not nearby, and you have been isolated from normal social interaction, you need to phone that number. In case you can't find the post, the number is 0808 2000 247.

Make a plan. Start photocopying important documents, hide the passports - yours and the childrens - in a safe place where you can grab them quickly if you need to get out fast. If there's somewhere you can stash a bag with overnight stuff where he really really won't find it, then do it.

I'm not an expert in this, but there aren't so many people around tonight. There are people who've been exactly where you are now, and they'll turn up later or tomorrow. Meanwhile, keep telling yourself that you deserve better (because you do) and that it's not your fault (because it isn't).

The first step was starting this thread. The next is that phone call.

Hope things get better for you. Take care. X

Thank you Jux and everyone for your time. Somehow,over the years,i was always reading that this things were/are happening to other people and then few years in line,and look at me...not even realising,even though i should have known it....I guess,it's easier to suppress negative things and hope it's one off then to admit that there is something wrong.
I will use that phone number..i will wait for my DC to go back to school (i am back to work on 9th) then i will sit and see what is the first thing to do....
Thank you ....just acknowledging my post it means a world to me,realy it does.
Why would he do this????Why???He is supposed to be my friend,someone to live my life with...Sometimes,when we watch news and someone is being bitten or anything similar,he always comments how people can do that.they should be restricted and put in prison, and i am sitting here with cold compress on my arm from the hit....he even went to take a belt but stopped him self or i believe ,my angels protected me....
just reread all this...it's surreal ,like it's not me ....i am ranting,sorry,but i am in such a state that i don't even know what i am doing....

Go to women's aid, they can help you. He sounds deranged. You need support, help and advice to get out. Many of us here can help you. Sadly, we have been where you are

Hi hediditagain/ageperfect....You are the same???Well ,it doesn't really matter,what it matters is for you to look for a help-Womens aid,
What he is doing is WRONG and no matter what,you need to get out with your dd's. They are small,but they can feel everything....we are all here for you...

You poor thing. You sound so alone. He has done this to you. He has deliberately isolated you and made it impossible for you to make friends, so that you have no support when he does these other awful things to you.

It is not your fault. It is no reflection on you.

I've been in a similar situation: abroad, in an abusive relationship, feeling like I was imprisoned, all alone, and wondering how I can get me an my children out. It is possible, you can escape, and you can be so much happier, feel free and not oppressed and fearful all the time. Start by calling WA, also the police. Getting an official record of the assault will be important and useful further down the line in keeping yourself safe and sorting out practicalities to do with your children/home.

Have a look at this thread too.

Try to phone before 9th, though. Keep your chin up and hang onto your pride in yourself. Do not let him drag you down. You are a wonderful strong woman with two beautiful children. That is who you are.

Oh dear, this is just awful for you - and what you are describing is my life many years ago. You sound like a wonderfully strong woman, and you need to know that you can decide to leave, if that's what you want. Jux gives some good practical advice.

Please remember that you're not alone here - so many of us have escaped similar abuse and can give you the support you need. I wish Mumsnet was around years ago - I'd have recognised Ex-H's abuse far sooner.

Keep posting my love xx

do you have citizenship or is this what will be resolved soon?

much love to you - keep posting and reaching out. once you're free of this you will make friends - obviously you are likable as those colleagues etc were asking you to meet up before they gave up right? so they must have liked you and wanted to spend time with you

keep thinking of the light at the tunnel and maybe share with us what the obstacles are so we can help you find ways round them. i don't want to shout 'leave him' till i understand what it is that makes you feel you can't.

There is NOTHING in your life that is 'too complicated' to mean that you cannot leave this man, ok? NOTHING. He has got you to a point where you think that, and he wants you to think that, because it makes it easier for him to rule by fear. He is going to beat you up again eventually, and probably quite soon by the sound of things - he clearly has no remorse and had not taken responsibity for what he did before.

Living in such a controlling and emotionally/mentally abusive relationship will turn you mad before very much longer. Look how much your self-confidence is already eroded. Just start making secret plans to get away as soon as you can - don't stop to think about whether you are strong enough to do it, or whether it is too 'complicated' as self-doubt will set in and you will be back where you started.

If you are married and own a house go to Citizen's Advice and/or see a lawyer asap.

Presumably you can have some time alone to plan all this when he is at work? Make sure you keep deleting your internet history and remember to log out of MN every time. I would also go to the police and put on record the two physical attacks so far, if you haven't done so already after the first time.