So we are lying on the bed, just messing about..

[Fuckedupagain]

and I say to Dh.. "would you like me to give you a little suck?"

"no you are alright"

So I ask him why he never gives me any oral sex...

"nothing really in it for me is there" said in a joking way

Our sex life is a shambles. He has impotence problems that he has been to the doctor for but have not been resolved. You'd think he would be keen to try other things but he's not and never has been.

So fucking angry.

well the advice for a woman who doesnt fancy doing it and has no desire to is you have every right to feel that way and should never feel you have to do it to please the other person - after all this isnt the 1950s

so i guess he has every right not to want to have sex with you and shouldnt be doing it just to please you - after all this isnt the 1950s

Am quite at some of the replies on here. Really, the OP should put up with no sexual or emotional intimacy for the rest of her life because her DH can't be arsed? No.

I would say the same if the sexes were reversed. Of course a person shouldn't feel they have to have sex if they're not in the mood, but if they're literally never in the mood for decades then I don't think that's fair for their partner. If you choose to put up with that, fine, but I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to.

It's clear the OP has issues not so much with the impotence, but with the way her DH is handling it. He sounds really selfish.

But OP, are you sure everything would be okay even if he can have sex again? Let's say you can have sex, but he's still not emotionally intimate or affectionate, doesn't compliment you, etc. Would just the sex itself make you feel loved and wanted? I'm not sure.

I guess I'm saying the impotence may be a bit of a red herring, if he's sort of emotionally unavailable anyway.

'well the advice for a woman who doesnt fancy doing it and has no desire to is you have every right to feel that way and should never feel you have to do it to please the other person'

Actually, the advice would be to go to the GP, therapy, whatever, to get to the bottom of why there is no desire for sex. Yes, in the meantime, people shouldn't feel pressured to have sex, but that's sort of conditioned on the idea they are doing everything they can to solve the problem and to reassure their partner in the meantime.

There is a huge difference between not having sex for short periods for obvious reasons like medical issues, pregnancy and simply deciding you're never going to have sex again and expecting your partner to put up with it.