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Original poster

advice my SO and I have conflicting thoughts on the pregnancy?

27 replies

justme187 · 30/12/2011 18:54

well my SO and I at the start of this had different beliefs on abortion. Like I thought because I got pregnant I had to ctt even though it wasn't the right time. My bf said he thought it was best for me to abort. I said would keep it. Well a week ago I changed my mind about everything after seeing the ultrasound I just didn't like it really I wanted the dr. to tell me it was going to end on its own or something. But it's healthy. I have had bad dreams about it growing up and hurting others. I have only like bad feelings about the baby and I can't shake it it's just there I don't feel love I just feel something I know I shouldn't it's my baby for goodness sakes. My bf has changed slightly in the other direction he told his family on christmas. His family is excited and he has even picked out names to consider. I did that back before I had these odd feelings. I actually wanted kids with him someday just not really now. And I hate the whole m/s deal. I'm in school only 19 and have my whole life ahead of me my family would freak if they knew. My bf is older is a dermatologist focused in cosmetology. His family thought it was about time later might be too late for him. Plus he's getting a vasectomy he doesn't want this to ever happen again it's his body and his prerogative I really only have this chance to have a child with him and I want a family with him. But I really don't think or feel positive about any of this. Idk advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:01

I'm not I mentioned this. But I'm 7 weeks pregnanr.

OP posts:
oflip · 30/12/2011 19:01

sorry, what is SO?

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 19:02

significant other? will now read OP Smile

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:04

yea it's significant other. Sorry I see that or OH a lot so I just decided to use it usually I don't. I'll keep it simple next time.

OP posts:
kodachrome · 30/12/2011 19:04

How far long are you?

How old is your bloke?

It's not unusual to have mixed feelings about a pregnancy especially when it's unplanned. But you do have options.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 19:06

Firstly - regarding the feeling that may be anti natal depression, it could be shock or it could just be hormones. I felt v odd when fist pg with dd1 although do have a history of depression and anxiety

Secondly - you need to decide what you want without pressure from others, including bf or his family, or indeed your family

Thirdly - your bf having the snip seems overly dramatic for a man who wants this baby. Is he trying to force you into keeping the baby?

kodachrome · 30/12/2011 19:09

x-posted. Seven weeks - you have a bit of time to think things through. Can you talk through your options with someone independent, like your gp or a counsellor?

I don't understand what you mean by the "m/s deal" either, sorry.

Nor why his family think it was going to be too late for him ?

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:24

he's in his 40's reason my family doesn't know anything about it. I understand if I waited longer it would easily be too late. When I told him I was pregnant he said he thought it was best I abort and that he'd never put me in this situation that he'd get permanent bc. Anyway that was 3 weeks ago. I didn't start feeling not positive about until last friday. He told his family sunday. And has in these 3 weeks come to terms with it and in a way I feel he's already starting to bond and has planned for it. I don't think he wants more kids it's just he's settling with what is.

OP posts:
Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:25

he hasn't pressured me though

m/s meant morning sickness
and what's anti-natal depression?

OP posts:
Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 30/12/2011 19:27

Sounds like an extremely controlling man

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 19:30

warning netmums Smile

Apologies I meant antenatal - I wasn't concentrating

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:33

how? He hasn't told me how to make my decision just his opinion but it's up to me. Our relationship in general is good I forgot to mention about our relationship but we're very close and try to understand each other. So ya........

OP posts:
ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 19:34

Do you want the baby?

kodachrome · 30/12/2011 19:34

That's a big age gap.

When you think about the future, what do you want for yourself? Do you see yourself married to him, raising an only child? Will he support you or will you be able to be independent?

Or will you be a single parent?

Did you want to go to uni or travelling? (You still study if you have the baby, but obviously it will have its challenges).

kodachrome · 30/12/2011 19:35

can

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 19:47

he says he will support us as a family if I chose that.we have talked about marriage and getting engaged for 3 months. His family kind of wants that. I wouldn't mind having more than kid with him it's just right now I don't want to. I never did want to I just felt I had to it's just gotten stronger where I didn't want to keep it really. I don't want it. I know that but thanks for the link I'm certainly going to bring that up to my ob. Thanks a million for the link....

OP posts:
JennyPiccolo · 30/12/2011 19:49

I really think you should tell your family or at least a very close friend. You need some support here. Your family might be a bit shocked, but they will be more concerned about you.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 19:53

Agree with Jenny

How long have you been together?

kodachrome · 30/12/2011 19:56

If you are sure that you don't want this pregnancy, it is alright. No-one knows how she will feel when it comes right down to it in the situation, so your previous views of "oh I'd never have an abortion" etc don't matter.

If it is not the right time, not the right circumstances, you don't have to go through with it. This is your one and only life. You're allowed to change your mind.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 30/12/2011 20:01

Agree also with Koda

You need to think what you want, not what anyone else wants. I think talking it over in RL even if a doctor rather than friend, would help you.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 30/12/2011 20:04

Are you in the U.S?

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 20:26

I live here yea.

we've been together 11 months
they're recovering from a crisis I do plan to tell them about everything soon though.
I don't want it but I want to have us to have a family and a kid together to me it's now or never.

I'm surely going to have a long talk with my ob though.

OP posts:
kodachrome · 30/12/2011 20:35

I think you should have a talk with your man again. So he seems to have come around to the idea of you having his baby - yet he intends to get a vasectomy so there won't be any more? If it all worked out well and you stay together as a couple with the baby, as far as he is concerned, there won't be any brothers or sisters? Is this really the family you envisage?

If he can now see a life with a child as not being such a bad thing, why does it have to be now or never and all on his terms?

Original poster
justme187 · 30/12/2011 20:55

yea I think maybe like I said in general it's not ideal but since this is how it is he's accepting it. But I never asked him recently and that would be a good idea to do I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
justme187 · 01/01/2012 18:43

well I guess I got my answer we got engaged on new years eve and he said he was glad I didn't get an abortion today. We had a wonderful night though js...

OP posts: