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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H has posted about his "new wife" on FB?

54 replies

amitooangry · 30/12/2011 16:53

Ok - so we separated in Oct following realisations that he was passive aggressive and emotionally abusive - thanks MN.

Since then, some short contact visits with DS and mostly smooth. Over Xmas I noticed that another woman has posted a photo of the two of them and commented about her "darling husband" - lots of darlings between the two of them.

I'm not surprised he was cheating, lots of staying out late and evasive behaviour but a bit Shock that she is already "wife".

Very tempted to do/say something, but part of me thinks best left well alone - any thoughts?

OP posts:
DancesWithWolves · 30/12/2011 16:55

That is awful. Were you married?

Probably best to leave well alone if visits are going smoothly. But I would no doubt wade in after a glass too many.

Facbook can be very damaging.

louderthanbombs · 30/12/2011 16:56

I think you should delete him as a friend on facebook, you'll feel much better not having to see what he's up to.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 30/12/2011 16:58

That is seriously weird and inappropriate as he is married to you and not her (unless he has married her as well Hmm), but I would really, really try not to respond to it. You poor thing, how horrible.

tribpot · 30/12/2011 16:58

Very weird. I know someone who refers to his GF of the moment (to me, who doesn't know her) as 'the current Mrs [his surname]' but that's mainly to avoid being a guy in his late forties having to come up with a name for a lady friend who isn't long term enough to be called partner! He would never do so publicly.

Sounds like she's pretty passive aggressive as well, hopefully they will stay together for the sake of the planet Wink

StuckUpTheFarawayTree · 30/12/2011 16:58

I'm with louder. Leave well alone. It will bite you on the bum otherwise. I'm speaking from bitter experience.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 16:58

Yes, married 6 years. Still are, no divorce in progress although I don't want him back!

I know, it is just too easy to say something isn't it - that's kind of why I am here as a distraction.

Just had an awful pick up with DS, H was an hour late - DS in tears before they went, I am crying now and I want to spite him for making us both so miserable.

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LoveInASnowyClimate · 30/12/2011 16:58

Oh yes, louder's suggestion is good, if you can bring yourself to do so.

PurpleDogSlippers · 30/12/2011 17:01

He wants you to react. If you don't even bat an eyelid it will do his head in, so don't give him the satisfaction.
I wouldn't even delete him on fb just hide his profile and then he can play his games and you don't have to know.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 17:02

Well he comes from a polygamous culture, so theoretically it could actually be true! Although presumably not legally in the UK.

When I am feeling calm I am happier they are together as it means he won't come back hassling me - not jealous, just angry with him.

Plus as my doubts have been confirmed and I won't ever get the truth from him, I should probably get an STI test, right?

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Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 17:03

So if I block him, will he know about it?

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dontletthebellsend · 30/12/2011 17:04

Odd. I used to work with a woman who referred to her DP as her DH all the time to the extent that she would phone his work and say "can I speak to my husband please" then have to explain who she was and who her 'husband' was rather than do the easy thing and ask for him by name. I think it was down to her insecurity because he was a giant cheating cock.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 30/12/2011 17:04

Sadly, you're probably right about being tested Sad. Sorry you're going through this - I hope 2012 is a better year for you.

RedBlanket · 30/12/2011 17:06

Delete him from FB, then you won't be able to react in a moment of drunkeness weakness.

StuckUpTheFarawayTree · 30/12/2011 17:08

If you block someone they can't tell. But You won't even come up on searches for them.

smokinaces · 30/12/2011 17:09

My ex husband (2.5 years separated not yet divorced) has a girlfriend of 1.5 years who is constantly referring to herself on fb as wife and him as hubby. It's insecurity, and trying to rile you. Ignore.

Set up a new fb account and add positive friends, blocking him. Keep the other one for arguments sake. And ignore him.

Thinking of you, separation is shit especially with children and infidelity. Definitely get tested

UnlikelyAmazonian · 30/12/2011 17:11

I will go against the grain here.

I'd put a straight message on your/ your husband's FB page under comment, saying along lines of 'I am sad for my son that my husband has chosen to announce his marriage on this networking site. There really was no need. XXH and I are still legally married according to UK law. He is not setting much of an example to our son on this matter. XXH is from a polygamous culture so I am sure that in his and his new wife's minds there is no malice intended. I wish them every happiness.'

Then set fire to any of his pants left in the house.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 17:17

Amazonian -good idea, but much too measured for me. I am sarky at the best of times, and this isn't the best of times!

Just before I block/delete him, my only reservation is that it might be useful/incriminating in case I want to divorce him?

Anyone know if I can get the sti test at the gp or do I have to go to a special clinic? I have no symptoms, but we were supposed to be trying to another baby Sad

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LoveInASnowyClimate · 30/12/2011 17:23

Oooh, Amazonian's idea does appeal...

OP, I think you can get tested at your GP but the proper clinics are very good and very welcoming. Then you won't think of the whole sorry saga every time you go to your GP for something unrelated...

tribpot · 30/12/2011 17:23

If you block him, you can unblock him. But I'm confused by your comment 'in case I want to divorce him'? Why wouldn't you?

HoudiniHissy · 30/12/2011 17:25

Amitooangry - just cut and past UA's post love.... just do it!

He has no respect for YOU, for your DS or for this poor woman, let alone himself.

Do it and then delete him.

You can divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, you just give a reason and that is that. You don't have to PROVE he is an arse.

HoudiniHissy · 30/12/2011 17:26

WRT the STI thing, you can go to the local hospital, they'll have a clinic.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 17:33

I will divorce him, but up until this latest incident was just planning to go for 2 or 5 years separation rather than adultery.

Ok, I will block him. I can't trust myself not to put something vitriolic and then I just look like an idiot.

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Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 17:34

Ok he is blocked. I wish it was so easy in RL!

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scarletforya · 30/12/2011 17:49

Good OP. Don't react. You'll be giving him what he wants if you do. He is being pathetic showboating his new fake 'wife' on FaceBook. Leave him to it. He is making himself look a right asshole.

FabbyChic · 30/12/2011 17:54

Sorry but I would have to post something along the lines of, funny we are not divorced yet.