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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H has posted about his "new wife" on FB?

54 replies

amitooangry · 30/12/2011 16:53

Ok - so we separated in Oct following realisations that he was passive aggressive and emotionally abusive - thanks MN.

Since then, some short contact visits with DS and mostly smooth. Over Xmas I noticed that another woman has posted a photo of the two of them and commented about her "darling husband" - lots of darlings between the two of them.

I'm not surprised he was cheating, lots of staying out late and evasive behaviour but a bit Shock that she is already "wife".

Very tempted to do/say something, but part of me thinks best left well alone - any thoughts?

OP posts:
stuffthenonsense · 30/12/2011 18:06

Oh goodness, my teenage children and their friends refer to each other as husbands/wives/siblings etc....to them it is a teenage fashion to be 'married' to classmates etc....your 'H' and his girlfriend are coming across to me as very immature and silly......i am glad you have blocked, it is better for your own piece of mind with such silly behaviour from them.

BertieBotts · 30/12/2011 18:09

My XP used to refer to me as his "wife" and complained when things came in the post to me addressed to "Miss B Botts" because he insisted I should apply for things using his name. Shock WTAF? He was a loon.

Agree block him! :)

izzywhizzysmincepies · 30/12/2011 18:11

That's all the evidence you need to divorce him for adultery now.

If you intend to wait for a divorce with consent based on 2 years separation, you're best advised to get a deed of separation drawn up as he could deny that you've lived apart for that length of time.

You also need to be aware that he may not give his consent which will mean you having to wait 5 years until you can divorce him regardless.

Why put yourself through all the hassle? Get your marriage ended legally asap and look forward to a brighter future without him in your life.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 30/12/2011 18:20

Oh well. After a couple of tizers you will probably unblock him. Much too tempting not to see what other rubbish he is bleating on about.

But I totally agree with the others who have said get thee to solicitor first thing on monday, get divorce petition drawn up on grounds of adultery and unreasonable behaviour and name the new wife OW.

She presumably knows he's still legally married in this country so maybe she is polygamous too. Bless. Is there a local pub they all go to shag meet up and share their religious crap beliefs?

Can you get him deported?

thunderboltsandlightning · 30/12/2011 18:23

In your OP you said he was passive aggressive, this is just more of the same.

I wouldn't block him - nothing wrong with keeping an eye when you've got divorce proceedings on the cards.

Youllbewaiting · 30/12/2011 18:39

I don't think you can divorce someone for adultery from a facebook post.

He'd have to admit to adultery or you'd have to have hard evidence.

HoudiniHissy · 30/12/2011 18:42

Unreasonable behaviour, cite his verbal abuse of you, controlling or serial infidelity, or that his dick smells funny... nobody will be able to disprove it.

Block him and keep him blocked, he will drag you down, and you don't need that.

SarahStratton · 30/12/2011 18:44

I think you should just block and delete him. You are better than them, don't lower yourself with a comment, however tempting it is.

Actively block anyone who is linked to him, so he can't see your status on their FB if he borrows it.

DitaVonCheese · 30/12/2011 19:02

He can contest a divorce whether based on adultery, unreasonable behaviour or 2 years' separation, but will be advised not to as all it will do is drag things out and cost money - he can't stop you getting divorced.

You don't need hard evidence of adultery (not sure what that would entail).

Two years' separation is least contentious but agree you might as well get shot of him (unless you want to piss the OW off). I would go for behaviour but include the adultery - you can mention FB and name the OW if you want to (your solicitor will advise) but you won't need evidence as such.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/12/2011 19:10

i'd have to post oh well i guess you'll be filing for divorce now that you're publicly declaring yourself an adulterer? i'll be expecting to hear from your solicitor. maybe you would also like to explain to your child how you have a new wife when still married to his mother - confusing enough for the average adult to comprehend.

i think i'd stop myself but then again....

mouldyironingboard · 30/12/2011 19:21

I wouldn't bother to reply - you're well rid by the sounds of it. Block both of them from fb and file for divorce. Concentrate on being a great mum to your DS because that's all that matters here. Your ex isn't worthy of getting your attention in this way, because he sounds like a total loser.

nailak · 30/12/2011 19:25

It wouldn't be illegal if he was religiously but not civily married. She could be his.wife. I wonder if she knows about you? Or is using him for a passport.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 19:26

So now he is late bringing DS back from contact visit - again to wind me up. Honestly you would think he had better things to do.

OP posts:
SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/12/2011 19:28

wouldn't be illegal but would be adultery.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 19:34

She wouldn't get far using him for a passport if they aren't legally married. No I am sure it is lurve.

OP posts:
Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 19:34

Nailak - I would think our wedding pictures on his fb profile might be a give away!

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/12/2011 19:36

Right, so your wedding photos are still on his profile and yet he's calling someone else 'wife'? Classy.

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 20:05

Unfortunately I didn't manage to keep it buttoned when he dropped DS off (nearly an hour late).

He made every excuse in the book - its just a nickname, in-joke in their culture. I am being so ridiculous, how could I think such a thing. Plus he's had such a hard time since I kicked him out, money troubles blah blah.

It's not just the photos, its so bloody obvious he has got someone else - even the beautifully wrapped presents for DS Xmas were just such a clue.

God, I am so pissed off with myself, but he really knows how to push the buttons and is a class A emotional manipulator. I really, really wish he would just fuck off.

Plus DS (2) is being so sweet with me.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 20:50

I vote for taking him off there totally. Saying absolutely anything at all would show that there is still some sort of interest. Manipulative nutters like him don't care what reaction they get as long as they get one.

So what if the stupid arse has 50 wives, you're well shot of him. Pity the poor cow that's going along with him.

And, yes, get yourself along to the solicitors pronto.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 30/12/2011 20:57

Out of curiosity, what 'culture' does he come from, and why is he living here?

Original poster
amitooangry · 30/12/2011 21:02

He is a muslim and he originally came here as a student more than 10 years ago.

OP posts:
HoudiniHissy · 30/12/2011 23:40

Erm, what in-joke is this? I lived in that shit life for best part of 10 years. For one, sense of humour? Uh-ah! Null points!

For two, a man and woman in that 'culture' IME would not joke about such things, it'd be damaging to her reputation, as it would be signalling that he'd fucked her!

Delete your FB, open a new one and sever all connections to him. Let him do what he wants, stay well out of it! He's just compounding ALL the reasons why you dumped his sorry cheating arse!

solidgoldbrass · 30/12/2011 23:54

You are no longer in a couple-relationship with him so his sex life is not, actually, your business. Don't get embroiled in who he is dating, seeing or shagging. Be civil but completely uninterested, and concentrate on his attitude towards the DC, tell him off about the late pick-ups etc, but don't engage with stuff about who he is seeing.
This will have the advantage of driving him batshit with rage as he clearly wants a reaction and attention from you. The only way to deal with nasty XPs that you have DC with is civil, calm indifference to their behaviour.

Noellina · 30/12/2011 23:58

I would also delete him from my fb... And not react!

FrigidHare · 31/12/2011 00:34

Divorce him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I think you have to list 5 things, but no matter how long ago they happened, they count ifkwim.