I don't know how I feel anymore

[Machasma]

I am unhappy... Most of the time actually.
I have a year old son. A nice house. We are comfortable. But OH isnt what I want in a partner. He is unaffectionate, uncaring about my feelings and childish.

For Christmas I chose all my presents and told him as very sure he wouldn't have bothered. He does nothing to show he cares.

I ask him for a hug or a kiss and he tells me I'm 'fishing' for affection. I ask him why I have to ask to even get a hug and he says I should just know he cares and not have to keep showing it.

He is older than me but so childish. Today he isn't talking to me because I didn't walk the gig early enough. We are home not talking with awful atmosphere all because of a dog.

We will only make up when I go and apologise. I end up doing it all the time.

He will start arguments if we are due to go out or have family plans or if it's just something he doesn't want to do.

He isn't abusive and he is a fantastic dad. He is just a rubbish partner. Am I selfish to want more. Can I justify splitting up our family for my own sake?

So miserable and unloved.

Some avenues to consider. His gp is the first port of call. If he is serious about change, you need him to involve outsiders.

I asked him what happens if he doesn't stop and he is adamant that he will do it. I hope to god he does. He is a very determined, hardworking and sporty person, but very worried that willpower alone is just not enough.

My original issue has now turned into an alcoholic issue!

Worst bit is he has to want to do this. I am a bit helpless / useless.

Yes i suppose he is an alcoholic it's just not nice to admit.

It's all part of the same parcel, OP - he is cold to you because he loves alcohol and weed more.

Yes we've looked into it before :-( I used to scream and cry and stay at my parents when he drank. It didn't nothing just pissed me off. so in the end I suppose I got used to it and I have the occasional complain about it. It sounds mad but as it doesn't affect everyday life (apart from us maybe) he's never violent or misses work he gets up with the baby etc.

Thank you for that link. He said he will go to his gp but really not keen on meetings. He has a friend who has been clean for 6 years who goes to meetings 4 nights a week and is convinced that if he misses even one the next day he will be drunk! And that's 6 years on. Oh thinks that's crap as do I but think that's AA

Also, if he can create an unhappy relationship, he has another excuse to drink

Yes, but his friend has been clean for 6 years. That's not as crap as needing to drink to sleep and being an arsehole to your wife on a daily basis.

Both very valid points :-(
I don't drink at all
Never done drugs

Its hard not understanding him and wanting to change something I have absolutely no control over

AA (or any sort of accountability program) only seems extreme to someone who hasn't grasped the absolute chaos and insanity that's resulted from their drinking.

A few meetings a week is worth sanity and the health of your intimate relationships and your own body. If he had kidney disease and needed dialysis three times a week, that would just become part of your lives right? Since you wouldn't want him to die? Alcoholism is the same. It's a disease that needs to be managed assertively. Otherwise it kills you - no two ways about it. First it kills your relationships and poisons your children, then it weakens your body until you drop dead from it.

If he doesn't see that, and if you don't see that either, then both of you are in trouble.