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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DW always drunk when we get jiggy

66 replies

DependencyInjection · 24/12/2011 10:09

I'm really pissed off the DW is always drunk to have a shag with me.

I can't remember the last time we got busy with out her being drunk. If she sober its a no (standard reason why "it hurts too much", if she's drunk she wants me inside her.

Only silver lining is she's drunk 3-4 times a week (but its really poor quality no foreplay and pretty vanilla).

Its a bit discouraging when she wakes up in the morning and the only way she can only remeber is cos of the state of her bits.

She either has to face up to her alcohol problem or face up to her relationship problem.

Either way I'm aggrieved

OP posts:
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/12/2011 23:06

I have to have at least a few drinks to have 'jiggy' (god that word is awful) with my DH but that's because he regularly rants at me about how horrible I am and rarely shows affection. He then wonders why I don't want to do it!! Weare currently separating as I deserve better.
As does your wife...

jasper · 27/12/2011 23:06

Op I inferred
You are sad she only wants ( demands) sex when drunk.
You are sad she is not interested in sex when she is sober. You feel pressurised into sex in these ( drunk) circumstances, .

Have you spoken to her about this?

jasper · 27/12/2011 23:11

You said she sulks if she says no.
How does this make you feel.?

You do know that you are entitled to say no and
Mean it?

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/12/2011 23:14

Where is OP?

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 27/12/2011 23:18

You are raping her. Of course she doesn't want to have sex with you. And having to live with someone who is raping you several times every week would turn lots of people to drink/drugs.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 27/12/2011 23:27

Have read your other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1367987-time-to-give-up

And the pieces are falling into place.

You are a loathsome human being.

jasper · 27/12/2011 23:41

Have read the other thread and don't think you are remotely loathe some.
Do think your wife has a drink problem

fatcaaah · 27/12/2011 23:53

I don't see that you are loathsome from the other or this thread.

I also don't believe what is being described is rape.

I do think that you need some support, op.

If you're still reading, can you go and see your gp? Explain the difficulties you are having and your concerns for your dw. The gp is usually first point for further referrals.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 28/12/2011 00:24

The law says that having sex with someone who is so drunk that they can't remember the next day is rape. That is quite clear, regardless of individual posters opinions of what they think the law should be.

From the other thread he admits shouting at dw and calling her names, thinks its ok for him to go out and get pissed but not her and then complains that she doesn't listen to him ( subtext doesn't obey). Did you read the same thread?

jasper · 28/12/2011 02:37

Yes , same thread. I've been so drunk I don't remember having sex . In my younger days. I'm a rapist?
In my older days I've been so TIRED I don't remember. Would you care to invoke the law?

dreamingbohemian · 28/12/2011 08:25

From reading the other thread, I think the OP has a classic case of 'it's everyone else in the world that has a problem and not me'

His DW does have a drink problem though. Normally I would say he should take the kids out of that environment, but with his own MH issues I'm not sure that's a good idea either.

This family is crying out for some professional help. Not just 'happy pills', OP, but some serious counseling and family assistance.

solidgoldbrass · 28/12/2011 09:27

I agree with dreamingbohemian: outside help is needed. OP, you are not going to get anywhere by whining, blaming everyone else in the world and continuing to have sex on your messed-up wife. Look into some counselling for yourself; your priorities ought to be getting well so you can take care of your DC if your wife's drinking gets worse, which it may well do.
Though the relationship sounds so toxic that ending it may make both you and her better and happier.

Turkeyfanjo · 28/12/2011 13:15

OP, you have mental health issues with a previous suicide attempt, these issues don't appear to have been resolved, ie. have you had any counselling? are you on medication? I don't believe any GP or MH professional would sign off a suicide attempt from your DD's swing as 'you're fine', 'no danger to yourself'. The evidence speaks for itself, you are not ok, you need to go back to your GP.

Your sex life is the least of your problems IMO. Good sex is the cherry on the cake... sorry to say it but you have no cake! What I'm saying is you need to work on the basic foundations of your relationship.

You grew up with drunks and it sounds like you've married one, this must be bringing up all sorts of bad memories. You need to sort out your own head to get the strength to deal with your wife.

Only she can stop herself drinking but at least you can guide her in the right direction. Even if you don't stay together, you both need professional help because you're parents and your DD's don't deserve this, you both brought them into the world so you both need to be responsible and raise them properly.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/12/2011 18:28

I wonder if threads like this are in anyway indicative of why men don't report/leave abusive relationships.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 28/12/2011 19:18

Omg-boney- are you actually insinuating that this rapist is the victim here?! Wtf!

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/12/2011 19:39

stuffed you may want to quantify that post with IMO.

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