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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DW always drunk when we get jiggy

66 replies

DependencyInjection · 24/12/2011 10:09

I'm really pissed off the DW is always drunk to have a shag with me.

I can't remember the last time we got busy with out her being drunk. If she sober its a no (standard reason why "it hurts too much", if she's drunk she wants me inside her.

Only silver lining is she's drunk 3-4 times a week (but its really poor quality no foreplay and pretty vanilla).

Its a bit discouraging when she wakes up in the morning and the only way she can only remeber is cos of the state of her bits.

She either has to face up to her alcohol problem or face up to her relationship problem.

Either way I'm aggrieved

OP posts:
YuleingFanjo · 25/12/2011 14:57

"No man I would like to know would have sex with me if he knew it would hurt me"

quite.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 25/12/2011 15:50

ah, I see, MrsPles

and if she does have gynae issues, her husband should be supporting her in getting them seen to...not shagging her when she's drunk because she doesn't complain then Xmas Hmm

Helltotheno · 25/12/2011 18:34

Just doing some inferences from the original post, I doubt if it's gynae issues. It's more likely that sober she's not 'wet' for the reasons I mentioned above therefore sex hurts, which it kinda does if you're not ready for it. Drunk, one doesn't notice these things BUT she probably hurts the morning after (from friction or whatever), hence op's comment about her 'bits'.
Am assuming lots but that's how I read it.

I don't see a reason to vilify the op just yet btw.

In other news, wot a gr8 xmas day it's been slurps more wine

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 25/12/2011 18:57

But if it were a simple lubrication issue;

(1) The dw or the OP would surely have suggested additional lube?

(2) There'd be no need for the dw to be getting so drunk that the only way that she knows she has had sex is through the "state" she's in the morning after. There's a big difference between having a couple of drinks to loosen up and forgetting an evening.

I don't usually post on relationships, but I read and took the OP in the same manner as AF and Yuleing did, and I don't think it's useful to make such massive assumptions (thereby almost validating OPs behaviour) without further info.

MostlyFine · 25/12/2011 20:27

My friend had this problem and she felt very bad about it. She loved her DP and wanted to have sex with him but physically did find it painful but was able to ignore the pain (or felt it less) when drunk. She was scared to go to GP.

Eventually she did though because he started to feel like OP and was getting fed up with her always being drunk when they had sex because he also loved her and was worried about her (and she would indeed put on a MAJOR strop if he said no in order to spare her the pain)

Turned out she had a massive systemic yeast infection which caused fissures around her opening and a week long course of fluconazole sorted it.

... am not saying this is whats going on OP as it does sound as though your DP has a proper drinking problem as I'm sure I've seen other posts from you about it but i just wanted to add this in as I think many of your responses are focusing on your attempt at levity and forgetting that there may be another underlying issue with your DP.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 25/12/2011 20:46

where has op gone?

state of her bits ? Farkin hell, that's just foul. I feel like downing a full bottle of amaretto at the thought of just talking to you let alone the other stuff.

If her bits are in a state does that mean you have shagged her til she is red raw or something? Covered in your goo which you haven't helped clean up?
Are your bits in a state the next morning too or do you smell of roses?
God almighty just go away you knob.

Helltotheno · 25/12/2011 20:58

and I don't think it's useful to make such massive assumptions

Indeed.

Headagainstwall · 25/12/2011 21:15

When I was younger I was in an abusive relationship & had to be drunk to sleep with my ex because I was no longer attracted to him. And if I did it sober, it hurt, for the same reason.

I'm not suggesting you're abusive, though "state of her bits" needs explaining. Basically: what the fuck do you mean by that?

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/12/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 · 25/12/2011 21:27

The fact that you call it 'getting jiggy' and 'getting busy' would be enough to put me off sex with you for life.
Are you a grown man? If so grow up and call it sex.
You also might want to look at why your wife has an alcohol problem rather than thinking about your dick!

Helltotheno · 25/12/2011 21:33

In the absence of any explanations from the op, you're all rushing to conclusions. I often use phrases and much worse like 'getting jiggy' and I'm a woman... are you all going to judge me the same way because of that??!

Bottom line, too little info has been given here to be coming down like a ton of bricks on the op. That's not to say I wouldn't given further incriminating info....

UnlikelyAmazonian · 25/12/2011 22:04

but hell, state of her bits ? don't need much more info. that says it all. No doubt OP is a troll however.

ColdTruth · 25/12/2011 23:59

With any luck the op has gone to a more neutral place for relationship advice. Not sure what to say with the information provided but I suspect that his tone is slightly tongue in cheek.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2011 16:18

Shame that this thread appears to be ending.

I only need one more for bingo

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2011 16:25

Good grief, I would have to be completely drunk to sleep with you if you were my DH.

And I don't think it's her relationship problem. Hmm

The poor woman.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 26/12/2011 23:00

Man up boney, and just say what you mean.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2011 23:11

boney what bingo is that then ?

"abusive male" bingo ?

or "poor misunderstood man" bingo ?

it's important you clarify

BoneyBackJefferson · 27/12/2011 12:08

I was going for "fucked up thread" bingo
or
"When threads get misunderstood" bingo
or
"stop taking half of the information" bingo

dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2011 14:37

Well if the OP cares to come back and clarify things, I'm happy to revise my opinion. Honestly.

But based on what he's said so far, I think he's behaving appalingly.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2011 14:48

ah, Boney, I will stand by my second option then

thanks for clarifying

jasper · 27/12/2011 15:02

"state of her bits" I assumed simply meant she had sperm in her vag. I am not sure why anyone would infer any sort of damage.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 27/12/2011 15:10

OP: There are obviously big problems in your relationship. Continuing to have sex on your DW's body is not going to make them better.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 27/12/2011 15:58

tbh, jasper, that's what I thought too, but that along with the rest of the content is objectionable, IMO

and Op has bogged off anyway, so we will never know as he didn't even attempt to explain what he did mean

2rebecca · 27/12/2011 16:20

If my husband only wanted sex with me when he was too drunk to remember it the next day and got that drunk 4 times a week he would be an exhusband. I have a low threshold for living with an alcoholic or someone who doesn't fancy me when sober.

jasper · 27/12/2011 23:00

Op what did you mean.?

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