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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I believe him? Re : dating bloody websites

60 replies

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 10:40

Me and OH met on a daring website 3 years ago.
Recently it came to light he had another email address from years ago, he didn't tell me as he no longer uses it.
Well I log into it ( he knows I'm doing this although he seems nervous ) and there are lots of "updates" from a dating site. Not the one we met on, zoosk which is part of Facebook.
Now, we had broken up for a month in may and all the emails were after may to date, none had been opened. He says he used it one when we were broken up, mainly out of boredom. Well this doesn't sound good as I'm sure he's been bored whilst we've been together at times!
I go off to work, still banging on about it to be honest. When exactly did you use it when we were broken up, how many times etc etc.
Yesterday it came to me that his log in details to that are probably the same as Facebook so I log in.
Nothing really there, no messages sent or received as he's not a paying member however he has "won" coins for logging in on the 12th may ( we was broken
Up) and 3rd December ( the day we were arguing about it all day )
I ask him again and again I'd he's ever used it whilst weve been together, no no no.
Until he finally admitted he logged in on the 3rd december merely to look for the date that he's gone on whilst we was broken up as I was questioning him so much.
Really? Why would you go onto a dating site whilst we are arguing about it??i
I can see he hasn't logged back in after the 3rd dec though so maybe he is telling the truth?
I'm just convinced that he's looked on it when we've been together.

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 23/12/2011 19:49

Ah. Your other thread is about him 'cheating' on you by using porn. In that case, I strongly advise you to think about whether this relationship will ever make you happy. I don't know whether this is how you are in all of your relationships, or just this one, but it's not good, not healthy imo.

I wasn't really offended, btw. I'm not a robot or anything - I've just been around the block a few times & learned by my mistakes.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2011 20:58

I hope you are ok, 999

I know you are new to MN and the other night you were saying how you loved the straight talking here (as opposed to NM)

well, you have had the straight talking in spades, but you did ask

take care x

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 21:42

Thank you for all of your replies.
I agree with you and if I was an outsider I know I'd be saying the same.
It's just hard not to think would he have told her about us if shed been up for it happening again or would he have still kept meeting her etc.
We'd had lots of arguments about me being in contact with an ex even when
We weren't together so it's a bit hypocritical of him to carry on calling her but he says that as she listened to him for 5 months talk about me that he was just telling her how happy he was things had worked out and didn't understand why she was acting weird hence why he kept calling her.

OP posts:
999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 21:47

Anyfucker :
I absolutely do need the straight talking.
I am so black and white when it comes to other people and am very opinionated so it's odd for me to feel confused and unble to make sense I things in my head.
I guess im hurt. I know he didn't cheat. I know he told her we got back together.
I'm just shocked surprised and disappointed that all the while he was planning a holiday to try and work things out, driving me to work showing me brochures, he had condoms in his wallet ready to screw someone else the same night

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2011 21:50

has this thread (and your others) helped at all ?

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 21:52

Yes they really have.
Although I do feel slightly like a now.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2011 21:53

like a what ? Xmas Smile

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 21:54

A nutter.
I thought I wrote thy but maybe not.
Seeing as I'm a nutter I can't remember :-)

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2011 22:01

I don't think that you are a nutter

I think that you are struggling with the idea that your partner is maybe not such a good man, certainly not by your own standards

that can be a difficult thing to face

I would be seriously unimpressed if my H had done some of the things your partner has

added together, they look pretty shit...and I don't like his threats towards you ie. STFU or I'm off

this is your decision though, isn't it ?

crunch time

accept that you have to STFU, or possibly push him away

me ? I wouldn't STFU, but some of what he has done are deal breakers for me anyway

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 24/12/2011 09:27

Thanks for all your replies,
Obviously they vary a lot, almost like my head and heart have replied to my own thread

OP posts:
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