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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So Christmas is the time everything gets worse, yes?

42 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 22/12/2011 09:59

I don't know if I can take much more of this.

I took control of the savings. These are the savings we use to buy presents with apparently, except we never have any other year. I have been expected to buy everything and have been moaned and whined at for not having enough money to get everything and so we have used credit.

I have enough money this year. I am still 'determined' to ruin Christmas. Each year we fight about how our children get too much and I go ott. I am 'determined to drive us into the ground with debt' (yet we can afford to book holidays after Christmas each year ). This year I have relented and they haven't got as much. Just a few key things they really want and no credit in sight. You think this would make him happy? No, not really because this year I am 'determined to make sure they don't get anything and ruin Christmas for them' . I should learn that nothing will ever please this man.

Apparently I don't know my kids. He watches TV with them and they show him the adverts (lucky him having time to sit down with them, eh?). The thing is I do know they want everything they see on TV. Dd2 excitedly told me only yesterday "Mam I just want everything in this shop (Argos)" The thing is because I don't watch TV with them they tell me about the things they remember and actually really want.

Dd2 has asked me for:
A TV (being delivered to my parents house today)
A Monster High Doll (in the wardrobe upstairs)
A fairy bath bomb (in the wardrobe upstairs)
A ride on race car (she is aware Santa is not bringing this until her birthday because he can only fit one big present on his sledge and she asked for the TV first)

She will also be getting a selection of books, sweets and Once Upon A Monster for the Kinnect. I think this is ample from us.

Dd1 has asked for:
A remote control helicopter (which is upstairs already).
A Bratz doll (the only one she wants is out of stock everywhere but she has birthday money she has saved to buy it when it comes into stock)
A moshi monsters game (My mum has bought her)

She will also be getting Just Dance 3 (kinnect), a JLS or Justin what's his face album, sweets and a pair of mini hair straighteners she begs for everytime we go to Tesco and the same bath bomb dd2 has. Again this is ample imo.

Honestly is the above enough? Bearing in mind they each have at least two dozen relatives who also buy for them. I think it is more then enough, so why am I questioning myself because of his ranting?

On the brightside, it has cemented in my mind the fact that I need to leave and will be doing so after Christmas. I have a meeting with dd1's support worker at school who is going to put me in touch with TAP (team around the parent) and a housing association, who will help me make plans to leave and support me afterwards along with helping advise on benefits and work and supporting the children.

Right now I just want Christmas over. Luckily I am working most nights so don't have to see him much.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2011 10:04

there is a week in January where divorce applications are at their highest I believe! It's usually on news/media trotting out statistics.

Anyway, sounds like you have good plans in place already. Good luck! Oh, and Christmas pressure all sound fab to me!

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2011 10:04

Pressure?? Should read 'pressies'!!

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 10:07

As you say, you must remember that nothing will ever please your dh and so stop trying. The presents you have sound absolutely fine.

PostBellumBugsy · 22/12/2011 10:07

Haven't got much advice to give, but that is a very good selection of gifts for your children. I know it is going to sound a bit cheesy, but Christmas doesn't haven't to be all about the presents. I am very clear with my two, they will get what I can afford, simple as that. Mine aren't getting anything like the selection that yours are getting - so please don't worry that you are not giving your kids enough.
What mine will get, is me not being at work & spending time with them and other family members & friends, playing games, having a laugh & hopefully having fun.
As an adult I bet you can't remember all the presents you received for Christmas - but I'll bet you can remember the good times (or bad times) you had at Christmas. It's the memories that last a life time - not the presents.
Hope you get it all sorted.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 22/12/2011 10:09

Oh yes I forgot, my dogs will feel left out and I clearly do not love them because they don't have presents to open . They will ctaully be saddened by this and I will ruin Christmas for them also. He somehow managed to say this with a straight face.

Thank you, littlestlight. I think they have enough too. They have the things they want the most, imo.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2011 10:12

Lol at the dogs!!!

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 10:13

Blimey. Wrap up a dogline number and give them that to open

duvetdayplease · 22/12/2011 10:17

Hi, ours get very little really, we've been skint for the last few years and they just get what we can afford or find in charity shops. They get one 'main' pressie of around £30 tops. I usually manage to find something good at a car boot that looks big and exciting when it's wrapped. What you have bought seems generous.

I have seen your other posts and I think when you say 'why am I questioning myself because of his ranting' you have hit the nail on the head.

Christmas is really, really not about the amount of presents. At least I hope it isn't because if it is, my two are going to have a really crap time!

izzywhizzysmincepies · 22/12/2011 10:20

My feline friend will have to catch his own Christmas present and now I'm worried that he may report me to Catline

duvetdayplease · 22/12/2011 10:21

I agree with him about the dogs though. They've been counting down the days in anticipation and you're going to break their little doggy hearts when they read the tags and realise none have their names on!

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 22/12/2011 10:21

They join my dogs and set up a support group for unloved pets, Izzy

OP posts:

PeppermintParsonsNose · 22/12/2011 10:26

Rest assured-nothing wrong with the presents. Your DDs will be over the moon. Put his christmas dinner in the kennel outside and sit the dogs at the table, then let them chew up open all his presents. Perhaps that will please him!

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 22/12/2011 10:26

No, duvet, they can't read, you silly billy , what they will do is watch everyone open their presents and then when they realise they haven't been given something to open they will be sad and feel left out and unloved

I had just assumed they'd be happy to have paper to rip to shreds, this is one of their favourite pasttimes, obviously I don't know my dogs very well either.

Poor mutts. I was planning on giving some roast lamb for lunch too, now I realise they'll probably be too sad to eat.

OP posts:

ohanotherone · 22/12/2011 10:40

Is this the OP a troll or just an extravagant chav....

My DS is getting an Xbox game and a selection box. He will also get presents from relatives....if I ask him what he wants he says "nothing". I know he will be pleased with the chocolate.

You have brought your children up to be grasping and materialistic and frankly it's pretty irresponsible of you to do so as how are they going to cope when they are older and times are harder.

ohanotherone · 22/12/2011 10:43

Your DH sounds an arse though...good luck with your new life in the new year!

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 10:46

Well whilst we're being so forthright Ohanotherone what a moronic, thoughtless post that was. If you had any wit about you you would surely see that the Op's self esteem is so worn down by her dp she can't see the wood from the trees.

BertieBotts · 22/12/2011 10:47

It sounds like they have loads, definitely enough :) I don't know what your H's problem is at all!

Were you going to leave at some point or am I confusing you with another poster?

LadyBeckenham · 22/12/2011 10:48

ohanotherone Are you always this vile, or just at Xmas?

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2011 10:52

ohanotherone are you for real?

OP I shall watch for a charity ad featuring your dogs - "Little Spot won't be getting anything this Christmas other than a good meal, paper to rip to shreds, a good walk and a spot by the fire to snooze": cue big soulful eyes

PostBellumBugsy · 22/12/2011 10:59

ohanotherone - the OP is planning on leaving her partner, worried about making Christmas good for her children & you hurl abuse at her. Mumsnet is about being supportive!

izzywhizzysmincepies · 22/12/2011 11:04

My feline pal is currently in the garden conferring with the tabby from next door -

I have a sneaky feeling that they're planning to set up 'petsnet' and I suspect that I'm going to be the first to be named and shamed for ruining

izzywhizzysmincepies · 22/12/2011 11:04

ruining his Christmas...

BandOMothers · 22/12/2011 11:23

My DH also kicks off about my penchant for buying up the contents of Argos at Christmas...I have reigned it in too but can't help making plans to go out tomorrow and buy extra small crap in order to gve the DDs a big pile

DH is in hospital though....and will not be out till' Christmas eve...so I am hoping he will be so entrenched in Christmas spirit that he wont care about the enormous piles! Your list sounds fab...great pressies and well thought out....plenty there.

BandOMothers · 22/12/2011 11:24

Oh and I have failed to get the cats a gift...I must find them a squeky mouse each or their Christmas will also be ruined. [

izzywhizzysmincepies · 22/12/2011 11:28

It seems to me that your name is ideally suited to a troll, ohanotherone.

You may hold the opinon that DOoin is an' extravagant chav' but at least she knows how to keep Christmas which is more than can be said for your parsimonious view of the patron saint of children.

As it seems that your meanmindedness extends to the future, I can only hope that your ds grows up to be unaffected by your prophecy of hard times ahead for him.

I suspect that your ds is biding his time until he can lavish sackfuls of the gifts he didn't receive in his childhood on his own dc

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