So Christmas is the time everything gets worse, yes?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

I don't know if I can take much more of this.

I took control of the savings. These are the savings we use to buy presents with apparently, except we never have any other year. I have been expected to buy everything and have been moaned and whined at for not having enough money to get everything and so we have used credit.

I have enough money this year. I am still 'determined' to ruin Christmas. Each year we fight about how our children get too much and I go ott. I am 'determined to drive us into the ground with debt' (yet we can afford to book holidays after Christmas each year ). This year I have relented and they haven't got as much. Just a few key things they really want and no credit in sight. You think this would make him happy? No, not really because this year I am 'determined to make sure they don't get anything and ruin Christmas for them' . I should learn that nothing will ever please this man.

Apparently I don't know my kids. He watches TV with them and they show him the adverts (lucky him having time to sit down with them, eh?). The thing is I do know they want everything they see on TV. Dd2 excitedly told me only yesterday "Mam I just want everything in this shop (Argos)" The thing is because I don't watch TV with them they tell me about the things they remember and actually really want.

Dd2 has asked me for:
A TV (being delivered to my parents house today)
A Monster High Doll (in the wardrobe upstairs)
A fairy bath bomb (in the wardrobe upstairs)
A ride on race car (she is aware Santa is not bringing this until her birthday because he can only fit one big present on his sledge and she asked for the TV first)

She will also be getting a selection of books, sweets and Once Upon A Monster for the Kinnect. I think this is ample from us.

Dd1 has asked for:
A remote control helicopter (which is upstairs already).
A Bratz doll (the only one she wants is out of stock everywhere but she has birthday money she has saved to buy it when it comes into stock)
A moshi monsters game (My mum has bought her)

She will also be getting Just Dance 3 (kinnect), a JLS or Justin what's his face album, sweets and a pair of mini hair straighteners she begs for everytime we go to Tesco and the same bath bomb dd2 has. Again this is ample imo.

Honestly is the above enough? Bearing in mind they each have at least two dozen relatives who also buy for them. I think it is more then enough, so why am I questioning myself because of his ranting?

On the brightside, it has cemented in my mind the fact that I need to leave and will be doing so after Christmas. I have a meeting with dd1's support worker at school who is going to put me in touch with TAP (team around the parent) and a housing association, who will help me make plans to leave and support me afterwards along with helping advise on benefits and work and supporting the children.

Right now I just want Christmas over. Luckily I am working most nights so don't have to see him much.

Dooin, you had it right when you said "nothing will ever please this man"

I've been seeing your posts about him since this summer. He is a controlling, emotionally abusive knob, that much is abundantly clear. And he's not about to change.

Please consider freeing your dogs, your children, and yourself from his twattishness. You all deserve better.

Dooin I didn't realise this was you until I saw the last post, so sorry you are having this stress :( and that my last post was quite flippant,

That's alright Stealth, making fun of it all is what keeps me going. I like light hearted flippancy

Ohnotanotherone, I think it's unfair of you to judge my children as 'grasping and materialistic' from just one post. Yes, they've asked for things, they're children and it's christmas of course they've asked for things. They are more than aware it's just 'stuff' and that there are far more important things in life than 'stuff'.

Dd2 would be grateful if we gave her an empty box and told her it was her present. She is a very grateful child. Dd1 is spoilt and would not be happy with an empty box, she is also charitable and generous with others and regularly helps with charity dog shows and gives old toys and clothes to cancer charities and the local hospice.

I just didn't think the above was relevent to my post. It is not the children and their reactions I am concerned with. It's Dh and the possibility he will carry this sulk onto Christmas day.

If not this, he'll keep finding other reasons to sulk (and demean). His griping about gifts is not the issue here, is it?

I'm feeling a bit better now.

My sister asked if she 'was allowed to ask' my dc to sleep over at hers on NYE. She wasn't sure if I want them to as then DH would want us to go out and she knows that I don't like going out with him. Apparently this has been arranged for a while. My mum has bought me (under guidance from sisters) some new jeans, my other sister has an old top for me (all my clothes are too big now) and both sisters have pitched in to get me some new foundation and other bits.

They think I should either go out with my friend (the last one I have left, DH saw to that) or if that would cause too much of a fight and ruin Newyears day (a big event in our family) then I should go to DH's local with him because my youngest sis is working that night and there is a big party full of her friends and co-workers, who I all know (they want me to go and work with them) and then back to my mums with my sister for a house party.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my family?

Also the butcher has saved xmas for the dogs having just informed me he has 'at least' three big meaty bones in the freezer for my dogs, because lots of people have ordered boned joints and my dogs are his best canine customers

Your husband sounds horrid. Don't dance to his tune

Your family sounds great. Looks like you have plenty of support for when you give that man the heave.

I apologise, I didn't know the back story and a didn't clearly read the post properly but then did, hence the post about the husband but didn't really have time to post more as people arrived. I grew up without many presents, my family were cash poor and although at the time I may have felt a bit envious of my peers who had more I'm pretty pleased with the way that my parents brought me up. I know that my children will feel the same, they are not deprived at all. I am always amazed by the people I meet who are on benefits, low income etc who buy their children ALOT and then spend ages paying it off or are stressed because they are in debt. My sister works for CAB and she has horror stories of people in mountains of debt. The children in school with me who had lots and were spoilt have a much poorer standard of living than me as they had no understanding of the cost of living and therefore a poorer work ethic. At the end of the day christmas is about family not about plastic toys!

bravo for apologising ohand! tbh I think we can all go a bit nutty at christmas. I certainly have!

Best of luck OP. I wish you all the best with your plans in the coming year.

Yes thank you ohanothreone.

I've always bought the presents Kyte, but every other year I have not had access to the tax credits/savings and have had to use only my part time wages for the presents, dog food, school things etc. Needless to say there was never enough. We would end up ordering off interest free credit at the last minute, usually with him in a sulk about it, which, imo, is idiotic as there was always enough tax credits in the savings account to cover christmas without using credit and we use the savings account to pay the bill in the end anyway, so why not just skip the middle man and use them in the first instance?

Yes, he is always like this. No matter what it's about. Like another poster said he'll never be satisfied, if it's not presents, it's the dogs, if it's not the dogs it's the dc's behaviour, if not that it's house keeping. I am always doing something to upset him. Evil woman that I am. I honestly don't know why he puts up with me. I wouldn't put up with me. I'd pack my bags and leave me. That'll learn me. I might suggest that to him

Atm I am left wondering what I have done to deserve such deafening silent treatment. It would be handy to know so as to repeat everytime I fancy some peace not to do it again. It's either because I had a go at him for sending 8yo dd1 out on her own at 8:30pm during party season, when there's drunks wandering about or it's because my Dad has went behind our backs and ordered dd2 the ride on car she was supposed to have to wait for her birthday to get.

I'm still in a better mood and back to not letting him to get me. My children and myself have amazing family around us. We'll do just fine on our own. We don't need or deserve him. It's only a few weeks now and we can start again on our own. I'm biting my tongue and keeping sweet to make christmas special for the children. I have no doubt I will make more terrible mistakes in a deliberate attempt to ruin the day, but I'm just going to let it fly. The children want to buy him a present, so I have to go out shopping for him today, which is irksome to say the least, but it's what the children want and imo christmas is about children and not fancy gifts or getting pissed on booze I haven't bought yet.

Dooin, my love I feel for you.

This time last year, for me was dismal. I knew I hated him, for everything he'd done to me, said top me and tried to hurt me with; but I knew he was leaving, he'd handed his notice in at work, and the ticket got booked.

I felt sick. Physically sick. Fearful and terrified of this monster leaving me, terrified to be on my own. As the time went on, I had that hard painful lump of a billion uncried tears practically choking me.

This year I have none of that. I am alone, I am lonely. BUT! I don't have some nasty mean minded humbug trying to piss everyone and every thing off around him.

I have the HOPE of perhaps this time next year being curled up on a sofa with someone I'm falling in love with, who loves me for everything that I am, and who desires the very best for me and my boy. There is a real chance that could happen now. I never dreamed that to be possible, but it is.

I've come a long way in such a short space of time, I know I have far to go yet, but at least now I can make that journey. I am free!

You are a wonderful mother and have bought such lovely thoughtful gifts. You are balancing the 'books' well, you are doing everything and more that is being demanded of you. YOU ROCK!

Tell yourself that this is the last time you will have to put up with it all, that this year will be the year that you get rid of him.

Oh, do you have plans in place to leave him after Christmas then, Dooin? Yay!

This time last year I was also reluctantly buying my last ever Gift for the abusive H I knew I had to leave. Irksome and surreal, yes. Hold on to the thoughts of the better future you're soon going to give as a gift to yourself.

Yes I have plans to leave him, although I am abandoning those plans for a quicker plan. I was going to do as dd1's support worker advised and get on the HA list. she told me our list isn't too long so it shouldn't take more than a couple of months to get somewhere, however, I now feel that a couple of months is a couple of months too long. He has upped his game now and has obliterated any small shred of respect or fondness I had left for him. I physically hate him now. My children and the thought of what it would teach them are the only things that is stopping me from knocking the nasty, vindictive little cunt into next week.

I will be using cash to get a private rental, while I was for a HA house. I should enough by the end of Jan/mid Feb. I'll get on the HA list asap.

Right now I am seriously considering packing up the kids things and taking them to stay at my mums on Christmas eve. It'll be a squash but she'd have us there. I am trying to stop myself and force myself to try and make the most of christmas here, since it will be the last one we spend in the same house together.

If it's a choice of happy and squashed with your dm or room to roam with a nasty, vindictive little cunt putting the mockers on what should be a joyous time for the dc, there's no contest is there?

Why not start as you mean to go on by taking the dc to a house where you can enjoy yourselves without let or hindrance?

Have you told the diminutive gobshite that unless he zips it over the next couple of days you're off? And have you taken legal advice to get him out of the marital home instead of you bearing all of the cost and hassle of moving?

It's my understanding that here in London, unless they've been created to meet special needs, housing associations will only accept applications from families/individuals who are registered on their borough councils' housing waiting lists.

It may be that different rules apply in your area but do check the criteria first before you pin your hopes on a speedy move to social housing.

Whatever way you decide to make your escape, DOoin, know that getting away from the miserable twunt will be one of the best things you''ve ever done and you'll never regret it.

If you're the one that ups sticks, make sure you hire a big enough van to enable you to strip the house bare while the fucker's at work .

Here's to you and yours and a richly rewarding 2012 for you all

So happy to hear of you plans, Dooin! I'll drink to that.

Glad you're planning your escape, sounds like it's not a moment too soon. He sounds vile.