Last night I saw the 'man' who tried to rape me

[maristella]

It was the first time I'd seen him since. He came running over and tried to hug me "Hi how are you? I haven't seen you in sooo long, it's so good to see you" I just said "I'm fine thanks" and turned to my friends and said "That's the guy who tried to rape me". We hate him.

This guy and I have such a good friend in common, and I have been avoiding him since this happened, because I didn't want to put him in a difficult situation. But last night I went and met this friend because I miss him (which is why I saw the rapey bastard). I told my friend why I had avoided him; he went very quiet, then said that I am the 5th woman who has told him exactly the same story. This guy has tried to rape another 4 women - I'm so fucking angry. I've told my friend that if any of them want to report this guy I will be by their side. I'm going to report him myself, I know nothing will come of it, but I know I have to put it on record that he did this.

I was so ill 2 weeks after it happened that I went and had HIV tests (6 weeks after the event, this dragged on and on for me), I was so unwell that nothing worked. Lucky for me it was only stress. He's going to do this again isn't he?

I wrote a thread about it when it happened and had so much support on here. You guys are amazing xxx

well done.

just remember, what ever happens next, you have done the right thing, you have brought him to the polices attention, you have been the first of 5 to report him, you have helped the next woman.

you should be proud of yourself.

I can only repeat Vicar's comment. Today you have done a very good thing. Well done for getting through the day.

(also sorry for going on about your friend - not what you needed today maristella - one thing at a time)

Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight - or at least better than last night's.

You've nothing to apologise for :) and you're right, my friend is protecting a rapist in order to protect himself.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. When making the statement I got asked lots of awkward graphic questions, and answering them leaves me with no doubt whatsoever that I have done the right thing. Because I was woken up by him lifting my leg and trying to shove his cock inside me, and because he cannot have had any doubt that I did not want sex, and because I was scared he was going to tear me. And because unless his sorry self drops dead in the very near future he is going to do this again.

I am so ashamed to say that I did not tell you the whole truth last time, I saw him again and had consensual sex with him. That tore me right up, it took a long time to understand why I did that. I now understand that I was in total shock, and that he put in concrete the plans that we had made. I felt so fucking ashamed that I allowed myself to be degraded by him, and I could not tell you the truth in the last thread because I was so bloody ashamed, I felt I had totally discredited myself. The copper said this happens more often than you would think. I spent an entire week in complete shock after what he did, I was hectic and agitated. When I saw him again I slept with him, then it was as if the autopilot maristella had gone. I could not be near him, and did not see or speak to him again (apart from confirming that I do not want a relationship with him via facebook 6 weeks after it all ended) until Saturday. I hate that his actions fogged my thinking to the point where I doubted myself so much.

Thank you all for listening. You believed me, even when I could not give you all the truth xxxx

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you have just described is something I have read about on MN before - you are in no way alone in the events that followed. I have no expertise in this area but I'm sure others will be along soon to confirm that this does happen - a way of normalising what happened to you I think.

Thanks aleene I felt like the biggest fool going, and I literally could not relate his actions to the person I thought he was. I'm pretty straightforward, I know how to stand up for myself, and I didn't ever think I would be in this position.

Maristella, you are so brave. Well done for today.
I also had consensual sex with a man after he raped me. Up until I read your post I thought I was alone in this, so thank you verymuch for posting that.

maristella, I remember your original thread. Well done for going to the police.

I also wanted to say what aleene said about the sex-after-rape. I've read that same scenario on here before and can understand how desperately anyone might want to 'undo' rape.

You were really brave giving that statement. Do you know any of the 4 other women?

It's very brave what you did Maristella. I hope this bastard gets the justice he deserves.

The reason why rapists try to reinitiate contact is to a) fuck with their victim's head, so she thinks maybe she's been mistaken and that the rape didn't happen (therefore the victim will be less likely to report them to the police) and b) to give themselves an alibi because they can then point that their victim saw them/dated them/slept with them again after they'd been raped. You weren't targeted once, you were targeted twice.

He knows what he did. He just doesn't want you to know or for anybody else to know and therefore punish him.

Brilliantly handled, maristella.

And I understand why you didn't post on your original thread about what happened afterward - I seem to remember that wasn't a particularly safe place for you to do so. Lots of us understand why you (and he) did it, though. And I'm delighted that the police understood too.

Hope you get a peaceful night's sleep.

well done, mari

it is well documented on here that I continued to socialise with my date-rapist, back in the day

I understand

it's ok, really

and like the copper said, really quite common...it's an attempt to normalise the situation, a way to fool yourself that everything is fine and your world really hasn't just been turned on its fucking head (for me, that is how it was)

you have done a good thing...it is out of your hands now

whatever happens, remember that

Aye the rape apologists were already having a bit of a field day weren't they? I also could not disclose my response in the following week because I could not understand it myself so how could I expect anyone else to? Underestimated you lot.
AF I think you understand my actions better than i do; I was trying to normalise and even reverse the situation.
thunderbolts he is very calculating indeed, and knows exactly how to discredit his victims. While I found understanding that I did not expect here, I do not expect any judge in the land to understand why I saw him again, but I sure as hell hope to educate them in the coming months.
AKiss :( forgiving myself for going back there has been possibly the biggest challenge in all of this x

Thank you so much for understanding xxxxxxx

maristella I, too, had consensual sex with my rapist after the rape. I, too, felt like the biggest fool in the world. It seems to be quite a common response.

well done for making a statemnet though, I am so full of admiration for you. Wish I had the guts to do it!

Kveta :( I can't believe I'm so far from alone in all this. Honestly until I said on this thread that I had seen him again, I had no idea I wouldn't be alone in my response. I'm generally quite feisty; I'd like to think that I would have screamed in his face and called him a rapey bastard, but I just didn't. What he did put me in a place I haven't been before, both physically and emotionally, and while I did not like my response I now understand that it was borne out of shock and horror, and he put me there. Can I ask, was it recent? You don't have to answer x

Still no word from the police

I have just caught up with the rest of your thread.
Well done you, you are very strong!!!

maristella you are definitely not alone in this, I also continued to have sex with both men who raped me. The first I went on to marry, with the second (25 ish later) I just wanted it to be ok.

I read another thread on here about a woman who had also gone on to have sex with her rapist, I then finally acknowledged what happened and recognised my reaction. I'm also feisty, bright, independent and I totally understand your reaction. You should feel proud that you have posted that on here, and that you have had the bravery to report it all.

I remember your original thread, maristella - you're right, it brought some massive apologists out of the woodwork.

I'm really proud of you. What happened to you was a while ago, but you've actually made a stand and, even if nothing comes of it (which I hope ISN'T the case, btw) at least you know you've done your best.

I went through a sort of similar thing to you. I never slept with my rapist except when he raped me - I was staying in the guest bed on a different floor from him, and because I was a bit drunk he thought it was fine to do the same thing to me that he did to you (leg up to get in - unfortunately he was successful and I couldn't get him off me )

However, he came to someone's leaving do that I was at and when he walked in I genuinely started shaking and chain smoking and I must have looked like a ghost because my mates were asking me what was wrong.

The rapist did the same as yours - walked straight up to me and asked how I was, so nice to see you, etc... He sat down with me and said, "I hope things aren't too weird with us after, you know..."

I literally had to leave the building.

I never had the courage to report him because I was drunk and a tiny bit stoned and it was obviously all my fault because I was in no fit state to fight him off, etc, etc.

I WISH I'd done something different, but you can never get that time back.

Well done, you. You're very brave, and you've done the right thing.

Well done on reporting this. Will anything be done, do you think?

A few months after I was raped the man sent me an email wishing me a happy Christmas and inviting me to stay with him. I replied saying no thanks since the last time I saw him I woke up to find him having sex with me. (I'm pretty sure he drugged my drink.) he actually replied saying he'd make sure I was awake next time and like a twat I deleted it. I've often wondered if I went to the police, could they trace the email and use it as evidence? It was 8 years ago now and I'm still so pissed off with myself that I never reported it so well done you for doing it. X

Hi OP how long will it take for sergeant to make his decision ?