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Original poster

Opinions please..I could throttle him!!!!!

33 replies

liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 21:26

Am I being an arse?
Just came bk up from a relatives funeral down south, my kids are very unwell when I get bk, high fevers, being sick, coughs etc,, know I haven't slept in two nights since I came bk home due to them both being ill,my DH has slept in our bed and I said I would sleep in the spare room so he can get a good sleep for work,,I end up on the floor in my youngest, then on my eldests floor and bk and forth all night,both nights,I'm jacketed and my back is killing me. then I find out that we are getting visitors staying with us by my mil, for the weekend, the house is upside down, both kids are sick,I'm exhausted, and I was only told this late this afternoon, am I being an arse by asking him to help me with his family to entertain them? It's ended into a massive argument,as I feel I'm just expected to just get on with it!! I'm so fucking angry and upset with him not telling me but he says he didn't know much about it either, but he does this all the time, not telling me things then I'm left running around like an idiot,I've lost my temper coz im tired and mostly because the kids are ill and i don't have the energy to entertain let alone get this whole house and shopping done before tomorrow, but his words were‘ well why didn't I get the house done today, I mean why didn't you? I could of decked him,obviously I won't, am I being an arse? N over reacting?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/12/2011 21:29

Id tell the visitors it is not convenient as the kids are sick.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 15/12/2011 21:32

He's being an arse.
There's no reason why you should have to do all the cleaning, shopping, etc.
Especially as its his family that's coming.
You shouldn't have to "ask him to help." He should be doing his fair share and more, since you're so tired and the DCs are ill.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 15/12/2011 21:33

Tell them you're all tired and ill and it's just not convenient to have visitors.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 15/12/2011 21:35

Tell him to phone his mother and cancel the visit as the children are ill. This is not a remotely unreasonable thing to do. If his mother has an ounce of sense or consideration, she will not want to come to a house full of puking feverish children unless she is the sort of woman who is lovely enough to say 'Oh poor DC, let me help you out, you have a bath and I'll mop up the current load of sick' or something like that.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 15/12/2011 21:36

No, you're not being an arse - no way.
The only defence I can think of for your -H is that he's ill too. Cold in the head, perhaps, H's brain gridlocked?

joanofarchitrave · 15/12/2011 21:36

YANBU. Ring your MIL and explain that there's no way you can host anyone at the moment.

And then have it out with him. Don't sit on lots of resentment.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 21:37

He wouldn't say, I'm so angry that he didn't consider any of us, and even give me notice,Angry he's going to bed when he comes in?

OP posts:
pollyblue · 15/12/2011 21:38

How could he not know much about people that are coming to stay with you? And he didn't even mention it to you? Did they just invite themselves......?

I'd cancel the visit, absolutely. If they know the children are ill surely they won't want to come anyway.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 15/12/2011 21:44

He's going to bed when he comes in?

Too right he is! He's going to sleep in the spare room and get up for his dc in the night if necessary because you will be back in your own bed getting a good night's sleep and quite possibly staying in it all day tomorrow and the entire weekend if you don't feel any better.

He can run around shopping, cleaning, cooking for and entertaining any guests/visitors that he has 'forgotten' to tell you about because you are far too unwell to do the necessary.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 21:47

It's not his mil that will be staying it's his half sis her fella and his dad n her wife! I found out as his mil told me after I phoned her to ask if she could watch the kids whilst I finish their Christmas shopping.
I was told ‘well I'm sure they can stay here with you till I finish work' fuck sake it's not hard you've only gotta tak to them, I can't take anymore time of work, that I must be thick not to know that!! Angry

OP posts:
CailinDana · 15/12/2011 21:57

He sounds like a bastard.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 22:00

My mil sorry guys, he keeps coming in the l-room asking were things r sorry I'm all over the place,,
His mum told me, she says she had seen it on I told him last week to double check if they were coming he obviously didn't , after asking his mum if she could watch them she told me she didn't know as she thinks she's doing something that day but didn't know what!!! Aarraggghhhh, fucking fuming and about to loose my rag,I've told him to go to his mums coz I need peace from him,I was told this was his house he ain't going anywhere,if I wanted peace for me to fuck off,, I'm fucking tempted!! They did invite themselves I really don't mind,it's not them it's just I'm tired n the kids r tired,I told him they were my priorities not entreating his family, I'm not ill just exhausted and he's fine too...

OP posts:
randommoment · 15/12/2011 22:03

Put your foot down OP. Do you have numbers for the half-sis etc, so you can put them off directly rather than going via MIL or DH? If you do, can you manage to do it without being horrid to them, as they may have no idea you weren't consulted, and you're in a (quite understandable) flaming temper right now?

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 22:27

He's know looking for the old iPhone so he can sell it tomorrow!! Dont know where he is?? Still no fucking help Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 22:35

They would still turn up but stay elsewhere, still need to do the house as it's our new home also,,
I'm know moping n cleaning and he's going over what we spent whilst away!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 22:50

He's now sitting watching eastenders, so much for him going to fucking bed, I'm going to screamAngry

OP posts:
SolidGoldStockingFilla · 15/12/2011 22:57

You've got bigger problems than the unexpected guests here, haven't you? You poor girl. Randommoment's idea is quite a good one - can you get hold of the relatives directly and just say, sorry, kids are ill, please don't come?' If they are nice people they will not be remotely offended, they will sympathise, offer you their best wishes and entertain themselves elsewhere.
If they are not nice people, it is perfectly reasonable to be firm with them and not worry about hurting their feelings. Would you think it was all right to insist on visiting someone who has ill children when that person has asked you politely to postpone your visit?

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/12/2011 23:17

Thanks for listening to my ranting,im sorry but ive no one else to talk to,,Me personally I would never visit anyone who's kids were ill,I'd wait till afterwards, we have only known them for a year after getting bk in touch after 21 years,, their bringing gifts for the kids for christmas, and so it's very like,, let's not make them feel uncomfy or unwanted,, he said to me earlier he'd wished he never had gotten in contact because of me making it difficult, I don't think he has once thought how tired I am or could be,? I'm just back from my cousins funeral, he was killed in afghan, with that and know the kids and being tired, if I'm honest I'd rather they didn't comE so I can leave certain things and spend time with my kids making them better for next week, I still think if I'd ask them not to come they would stay elsewhere but visit us which still does not change much,, I've told him to tell them not to come as the kids are not up it, he basically carried on with what he was doing so I've came upstairs, my son is shivering with a fever and im sitting with him or I'm going to blow up,,

OP posts:
flibbertywidget · 15/12/2011 23:54

OP: call the visitors, tell them the kids have something horrid and contagious that involves fever, puking etc.. no one in their right mind would want to get that before christmas and then tell him where to go.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 16/12/2011 00:38

Will do, that's him he says he's sleeping in the spare room, I think he should, my eight year old has a fever of 39.9 and my three year old 39.6 I've topped then up and put eldest into a cold bath know he's in his bed also, going to keep checking on them but they'll most likely be up again.. DH had the cheek to say give me a shout if I need him lol he never apologises anymore but he will this time.. Thank you all for your support I'd of been the one apologising otherwise, Smile

OP posts:
TardlyWhiptrack · 16/12/2011 08:10

He's not going anywhere because it's his house?

WELL IT'S HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO SEE THAT IT'S FUCKING CLEAN FOR HIS GUESTS THEN ISN'T IT!!!

He's a prick.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 16/12/2011 10:01

Been up all night again with the kids,he sarcastically asks if I minded if they came to visit the kids whilst they were here, I told no but he'll have to be here to give me a hand,(has his own business) he blows up, I tell him to fuck off he tells me he's staying here so I'm to fuck off, I asked him did he want me to leave and he says yes his life would be much easier, he then texts me to say that for me to stay here (so I'm here for them most likely) and he will get a two bedroom flat after the new year, I told him I'm moving into his mothers with the kids until I find somewhere..

OP posts:
SolidGoldStockingFilla · 16/12/2011 10:08

Can you give Women's Aid a ring for some legal advice? It sounds like you need to get rid of this man and it would be as well to be properly aware of your legal rights.

nailak · 16/12/2011 10:28

Whose moving in to his mothers with the kids?

Have you tried talking calmly? Will he listen? Maybe you could get a mediator, ie his sis, mum etc and sit down and tell him you feel unsupported and taken for granted. That his working does not absolve him of responsibility on the house, with the kids, and with guests. That you enable him to work and have the house by cleaning, looking after the kids, washing his clothes etc. And you deserve appreciation and recognition for this, just as he deserves it for working hard to enable your lifestyle.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 16/12/2011 12:25

Ok,so he came home to sort things out with me,, says he doesn't feel I understand that he can't just leave work,, I do,, but this time it's different,, it's his own business he needs to be there,, I understand that,, i explained this is why I stayed in the spare room,so that he would get a good nights sleep for work, he said the only reason why I did was because I was asked by my eldest!! Angry ?? He says I don't realise what his work consists of, that I have no concept of money or appreciates what the business does for us,as a family!! I don't show him support??
Hello!! I'd explained, how on earth could he say that when
Every night he comes in I ask how he is and how the business went, and give him hugs n tell him things will turn out ok we just need to stay positive, every night!! Without fail,, is this not caring, supporting?I don't know what goes on there because I'm here looking after our children,
He hasn't even asked how I was feeling after being up for the last three nights?

He soon went quiet it's like a light bulb went off in his head,
He said he doesn't want to argue and neither do I, were going to talk later,,

OP posts: