solost

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas]

Does anybody remember the threads by this poster? Does anybody know if she's OK?

Yes, I remember Solost and often wonder what happened to her. She just stopped posting. I hope she is doing well.

I remember her. Haven't seen anything in a while, but at last notice she was doing really well, about to take her first holiday alone with the kids and was very strong.

Hope she's continued in that vein!

Hi, im still here lurking from time to time. A lot has happened since the spring. A week before we went away, H left BB's and moved into a friends place, we went on holiday (and had a fantastic time - I was so proud of the DC's and the fact I DID IT ON MY OWN!!). When we got back H got back in touch and gradually over the summer we talked etc. went on 'dates' and got to know each other again.

To cut a long story short, he move back home in the Autumn.

He is doing all the right things re: openness with phones/email etc. He has cut contact completely with BB and although there were a few texts from her (which he showed me and did not reply to) he hasnt heard from her for a couple of months. He is attentive, pulls his weight round the house etc. but it is much harder than I thought it would be. The problem seems to be me. I have up and down days which I suppose is normal, but some days I think about what he did etc. and wonder if I am doing the right thing.

Anyway enough of my ramblings, thank you so much for thinking of me, you ladies were such a fantastic help and the one good thing that has come from this sorry mess is I am a much stronger person now - a lot of which is down to your wise advice.

Hope you are all well, and wishing you a happy xmas and peaceful new year. X

Hi Solost,

So nice to hear from you again! (I never posted on your thread, but was dealing with a husband leaving at around the same time as you, so your posts struck a chord with me).

I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come back and update when you and H decided to give it another go. I don't think anyone would have judged...I think it's understandable.

How did your kids react to him returning?

I knew that would be the outcome for you solost. He couldn't let go could he? He made a massive mistake.

I guess this was always going to be the hard part. As he did so much to you all.

Hi Mychild,

I wasnt that I felt I couldnt come back to update, its just that I didn't know whether I would take him back, there was so much to consider. I had just settled into my 'single' life and was moving on. I suppose I had to decide whether I could forgive him, although I knew I still loved him and even now I don't know whether I will be able to. He knows my position and fully understands.

The girls were ecstatic about him returning, my eldest son was a little more guarded although H has worked hard re-building their relationship.

I am sorry to hear about your H, its really shit isnt it? I couldn't believe at the time that things would get better but they really did. Hope you are in a better place now than this time last year. X

Hi Bubble,

You are right. He told me he realised this even before he left but once he had set himself down that path, he felt he had to continue with it. And once I found out he was sure I would kick him to the kerb anyway - I had always said I would.

The fact he was so weak surprises me still, I always thought he was such a strong person and he still struggles with why he did it - he can't explain.

solost glad to hear it all seems to be working out. I always thought he would come back to you, but I'm so glad that it was on your terms and not his!

I'm not surprised you still have moments on wondering about it, but at least you seem to be on the right path, as does your H.

So pleased you're feeling strong and happy.

OP, I was thinking about solost recently and wondered if she'd been back under another guise. Thanks for this thread.

Solost, yours was one of the first stories that 'hooked' me in when I first joined mn. Your writing was so eloquent and your character shone through - vulnerability, strength, humour.

I for one will be very very bloody angry if your dh hurts you again. I'm hoping he can't believe his luck and is doing everything he can to regain your trust.

Hi Solost

I am glad to hear you are well. I had thought about you occasionally, and recommended "your" thread to one or two other people because of the consistently brilliant advice you got, and the journey you went through

all the best x

Great news Solo - tough, isn't it. But you should now understand you are so much stronger than you thought .

I truly wish you, your husband and your family a happy Christmas - look forward to the new year and just take each day as it comes.

xx

Tallwivglasses: Thank you. He kniows that if anything like that ever happened again then it would be over - I would cut contact and only deal with him re: the DC's. I am in a much stronger place than I was back then.

Anyfucker: Only occasionally? You disappoint me!! You are one of my favorite posters and I still drop in to read your advice. You pull no punches but your advice is spot on and your kindness and concern shine through. I strive to be more like you.

Lifemoveson: It is so tough. And one of the reasons I stopped posting, my feelings about my situation change daily. I suppose i'm just riding the storm and hoping things eventually settle! Thank you for your kind wishes. X

Hi, I've been wondering how you were doing as well. I always suspected he would come back, though was keen for that to be on your terms rather than his.

It looks like this IS on your terms. Well done for being so strong!

I think the fact that you're still not sure how you feel is a good thing. It means that you are still processing this, which is healthy, but also that H knows he still has a lot of work to do before he's "safe". That is a good thing for him as well.

I remember WhenwillIfeelnormal saying it took her around 2 years to start to feel normal again. Maybe for you it will be a bit longer as your H actually left and moved in with OW for what was it, 8 months?

Go easy on yourself, don't feel pressurised to make any definite decisions until you're ready, and remember, you're a completely different person now. Whatever happens, you know you can do this on your own if you need to!

What a shame that a poster who made such an impression (WWIFN) no longer posts here

I like the fact that people still mention her though

Yes, WWIFN's posts helped me more than she will ever know, and I never got to thank her before she left.

Glad you are doing well Solost, and thanks for updating us.

Cenicienta: Yes, he was with her about 8 months and that is part of the problem for me, I think. I think about their time together and a part of his life where he was part of a couple with someone else, their shared history etc. I am hoping that this fades with time?

I am a stronger person now and will take my time making decisions. I am glad you think 'not being sure' is a good thing, it does bother me sometimes, that I got what I wanted and now I have it...... I don't know whether I really want it.

I am just going with the flow at the moment, and hopefully things will settle down in time.

WWIFN was a great help, what a shame she no longer posts. I think she helped many with her sound advice.

Takenforamug: Thanks

So glad to hear things are better, solost. I have followed your story under various guises (having been through, and still going through) something similar.

Well done for being so strong. I wouldn't be at all surprised if that was one of the factors that drew him back in the end.

WWIFN is still posting on Relationships threads, under a different name but her posts are shorter and more to the point .

Solo, how did he end things with the OW? How did she react?

hi solost I am pleased that things are working out for you. I also think it is good that you are taking your time about decisions and working things out yourself.

Just remember the choice you make for now doesnt have to be the choice you have to keep. You can change your mind at any time if it isnt working for you.

Good luck to you and your family, wishing you all a merry christmas.

Really, Marina ? < brightens >

I keep thinking I have "seen" her

< not a stalker, honest guv >

I sometimes got the impression she was still around from time to time. Hello if you are!

She is, but I don't want to 'out her'.

That's ok, I wouldn't expect you to

Another one here waving arms in the air saying < hurray > at the thought that WWIFN is still around. She's one of those gurus who'll go down in MN history.

Maybe if she IS around she can PM you Solost with some of her famously brilliant advice on how to navigate this particular part of the course.