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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"I will break your fucking finger"

46 replies

Theala · 11/12/2011 22:18

Something has gone very wrong in my relationship and we seem to have turned into "one of those" couples. The type that get pissed and shout at each other. So tonight I told him to fuck off, and he told me that if I didn't take my finger out of his face that he would break it. It's the third time he has threatened me. I told him after the last time that if he did again I would leave. So now I have to leave really, don't I?

OP posts:
pickgo · 11/12/2011 22:22

Yes.
Sounds like you both need time to recover yourselves and think about what you want to do.

yellowraincoat · 11/12/2011 22:23

Yes, you need to leave. It sounds so horrible.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 22:24

yes, you have to leave

how do you plan to do it ?

Imnotaslimjim · 11/12/2011 22:25

Yes, even if just for a few days so you can both get some perspective. If all you both do is shout with no-one listening, then you're not going to get anywhere. Have you a friend you can crash with for a few days so you can get some breathing space? If so, do that, then maybe meet in a few days, in a neutral place (I find out in public, in a pub or cafe or similar best so you can't shout) and try and talk it out

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 22:26

just for a few days isn't enough

it won't change the destructive pattern

fortyplus · 11/12/2011 22:26

To be honest if you told him to fuck off whilst jabbing your finger in his face then his remark - whilst extreme - at least showed enough self restraint that he was using horrible hurtful words rather than grabbing hold of you.

Sounds as though you both need help with anger management before you embark upon another relationship. But don't stay in this one for both your sakes.

Kayano · 11/12/2011 22:31

Sound just as bad as each other! Telling him to fuck off while jabbing a finger right in his face is not good. Neither is what he said in return but it may have just been heat of the moment.

Sounds like a crap relationship all round

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 11/12/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoudiniHissy · 11/12/2011 22:36

Get out, the fuck out and STAY out.

ShirleyKnot · 11/12/2011 22:40

If someone jabbed their finger in my face I would call that threatening behaviour.

If someone threatened to break one of my bones I would call that threatening behaviour.

I would say that this relationship is fucked. Fucked. And I would GTFO.

Catsdontcare · 11/12/2011 22:45

Yes time to leave, this relationship is bringing out the worst on BOTH of you. He was way out of line but nor is it ok to shout and point in soneone's face, whilst telling them to fuvk off. Is that who you want to be?

Fabnewme2011 · 11/12/2011 22:48

Get your passport, savings books, birth certificate, keys, clothes and get out of there.

Sadly it's a slippery slope. My ex was the same, but when he started shoving past me and even head butted me it all became my fault. By this time there was a child in the house. Get out honey. It'll hurt like hell and be bloody hard, but you can do it. You deserve better.

:)

jasper · 11/12/2011 22:48

what happened that made you jab your finger in his face and tell him to fuck off?

Original poster
Theala · 11/12/2011 22:49

No. I hate being this person and I can't quite believe that this is my life. This is not me, this is not us...I'm so so ashamed.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:51

It is you. But you have a choice...

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:51

Or you will end up in a tracksuit with a Croydon facelift on the Jeremy Kyle show!

Catsdontcare · 11/12/2011 22:57

This is your life right now but it does not have to stay this way.

Original poster
Theala · 11/12/2011 22:58

what happened that made you jab your finger in his face and tell him to fuck off?

God, I started explaining exactly why, but it was a "he said, then she said" mess. Basically, I hate him smoking joints so much that I have more or less lost all respect for him and I am really really angry with him.
I'm angry and resentful and pissed off, but I wouldn't treat anyone else the way I treat him and I know that that's very wrong.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:59

Joints?

makeyerowndamndinner · 11/12/2011 22:59

Littlest I barely ever criticise other peoples posts but that was an incredibly ignorant thing to say.

Domestic abuse isn't funny for a start, and it doesn't only happen to working class women, or women that aren't particularly bright.

For goodness sake...

Catsdontcare · 11/12/2011 23:09

So you have basically reached a stage in your relationship that is a deal breaker. He is making a life choice about smoking joints that you just cannot tolerate. That's fair enough, time to choose this life or a new one?

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 23:12

Makeyourown.... I have been there myself, no need to preach! Bit ignorant..

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 23:14

Oh, and if you read the post, op says she's afraid if being 'one if those couples' my Kyle remark was Tongue in cheek in response to that

Onemorning · 11/12/2011 23:21

Leave. It doesn't get any better.

I can't stand having a finger jabbed into my face, I find it incredibly threatening and would push it away.

squeakytoy · 11/12/2011 23:21

He is a dopehead, you arent. The relationship is doomed before you get to the arguing.

Get out now.

Hopefully no kids are involved.