"I will break your fucking finger"

[Theala]

Something has gone very wrong in my relationship and we seem to have turned into "one of those" couples. The type that get pissed and shout at each other. So tonight I told him to fuck off, and he told me that if I didn't take my finger out of his face that he would break it. It's the third time he has threatened me. I told him after the last time that if he did again I would leave. So now I have to leave really, don't I?

The drugs will make him irrational. Sadly it's a losing battle

People think smoking dope is a harmless recreational thing.. I would so disagree with that, having seen the long term effects on so many of my friends, and so many fucked up relationships because of it.

I hate the stuff.

Yes you need to leave

Littlest, yes, that's how I took it also. I am in severe danger of a croydon facelift if my relationship continues as is.

Cats...yes, that's basically it. But I'm finding it unbelievably hard to just say "Oh actually, the relationship we have and the person you are isn't working for me anymore." Because it's me that's changed really and not him.Things that were not a dealbreaker for me before (smoking joints, for example) now are, and part of me feels really guilty that I've changed the goalposts like this. the other part of me feels that if you've just turned 45 that you should cop the fuck on and stop doing childish shit like smoking joints.

Is he smoking more now, or behaving differently now to how he has in the past?

If it was alcohol, you would feel the same, if his behaviour had changed due to the alcohol.

If something begins to be a problem, and the person refuses to do anything to sort that problem out, then you are left with few choices.

so, you grew up

and he didn't

time to move on

leave him behind

he will cop on, or he won't

but at least you won't have to stand by while he acts like an overgrown teenager

squeaky, no, we don't have kids.

Before he used to get angry and pissed off, but he would never threaten me. In about six months, he's been violent towards me three times. I can't help but think that it's only going to get worse.

violent 3 times ?

don't stick around for more...what are you waiting for ?

to be hospitalised ?

he has given you your look into the crystal ball...don't ignore it

Yes, it will get worse. I can absolutely guarantee that.

You really do need to leave. The violence is escalating, and no matter how much equality we want in the world, men will almost always be able to overpower a woman with violence.

Yes, it will get worse. He will become more violent and smoke more the rest of the time; you will resent his smoking more and become too afraid of his violence to say anything.

Go now.

violent three times?
you need to act fast and leave

This isn't going to end well if you stay with him. You have more than enough 'justification' for leaving him in the fact that you're simply not happy. But the fact that he's been violent towards you 3 times!? And don't be thinking that you somehow 'pushed his buttons' or whatever crap he's fed you. He allows himself to be violent towards you. He allows himself to make threats to hurt you. Things are escalating quickly, and will only get much worse.

You must be feeling so wretched. Can you imagine yourself a year from now still on this merry-go-round? How much better would you feel if you got rid of him and didn't have to worry about his smoking and his temper?

Please leave, he's violent and threatens more violent. He has turned you into someone you don't like. You need to be safe and not to live like this. Is there anyone in real-life you can contact/leave and go and stay with? This is serious, I wouldn't hang around for a repeat performance.

I concur. Violent 3 times? You need to consider your own safety.

Theala, how are you?

It sounds like a really, really horrible relationship. Why are you still with him? He's been violent towards you, you are aggressive towards him. For god's sake, just leave and spend some time on your own for a while. Don't race into another relationship until you've had some counselling to help you deal with your anger.

There is no other outcome other than both of you going your own ways. That is the truth. Dont delude yourself in thinking he will get better.

Yes, you know its the best thing, but it takes a lot of courage to do so and of course you still believe it'll all be alright. Never drink again when you are together?

First off get out. Don't think, don't justify, don't regret. GTFO and then think very hard indeed. You can only do that from a distance, if you have the faintest hope that somehow things could change only way that will happen is if you are not both in each others faces and the only way he has the impetus to look at himself and his dope-smoking twattishness is without you being there for him.

Theala - how are you? :)