Need to tell something that really weighs on my mind but dont want a pasting

[UnlikelyAmazonian]

I posted this is Lone Parents but feel this is sort of home so will ask here too. gaaah

And remember that when savings eventually do run out you won't end up in debtors' prison :) but will be entitled to all the benefitd you can't currently claim - you'll be OK. And I suspect your DS is just going through a phase where he's trying to figure out how he's the same as and different from other kids and the dad thing is an obvious one to latch onto. Don't let it phase you too much.

UA - my Mum and I left my Dad when I was about 2 ish. When I was 4-7 probably I did ask lots of questions about him, and this may have hurt her, as I was too young to know the truth. I never did have a really frank conversation with her about why we left (she died in my mid-twenties, while I was still busy being self-absorbed). However from things she did say over time, I know she had very good reasons.
Your DS is curious, however he will soon see he's not the only child without a Dad around (and its far more common than when I was little). He will also see friends relationships break up as he grows up.

Come up with an answer to his questions, and you can let him know it is really his Dads problem not yours or DS's.
Do encourage good strong male role-models into his life, but you will also be his good role model.
Don't feel guilty, you have yourself and your son to look after, and I doubt his father is feeling guilty for any of it.

Hi UA,
I remember your story, too and have name changed (I keep the TMSB frame: TooManyStuffedBears, TeachMySelfBalance...)

I am glad you are doing so much better. You really had a hard hard time.

Please don't feel guilty about benefiting from what that turd left behind. It is yours now and not associated with him any more.

It will be hard when your dear little boy talks about his father. I know you never want to hear about him again, but the little one will need to voice his feelings about it to let his brain process it, iyswim. Create a few stock answers and keep to those for your own stability. Try not to be too negative as this may influence the little one in creating his identity: dad was bad, so that is why I am, etc. Stepping away from the negativity isn't defending him (IMPOSSIBLE!), it is more to preserve your own hard fought tranquility.

I don't do well with my past. When the nasty emotional gremlins pop into my head I have to remember that and consciously shift to living in the present.

Also, please, you do deserve peace of mind. It may be a habit to have crap circumstances plaguing you-are you subconsciously looking for, justifying it? Just guessing, but if you do/are in counselling, it might be something to look in to. You are worth a peaceful life, UA. You do deserve it.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

I think, although you recognise intellectually that you're entitled to financial help from your son's father - which the self-centred bastard tried to get out of, only he couldn't pack up the house and take it with him - you don't like being beholden to the tribe of sick feckers. You're not the sort of person who would revel in putting one over on them; you'd much prefer to be independent.

Well... you've sucked up a lot for the sake of your precious little boy and this is just one of those things. You'd rather have had a decent career and a decent night's sleep too, but you went without for him, as one does. (I hope you're already getting the night's sleep back these days and have no doubt, as others said above, that you will be getting a decent career back eventually too, because you ain't so thick.) There's only one thing you can't do, which is conjure up a daddy. Again, intellectually you know that DS is better off without that particular daddy and his peculiar little ways, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. I'd like to wave a magic wand and make the world all right and nice for my youngest too (and he's a decade older than yours!) but since there's no such thing, the next best we can do is give them the tools to handle what life throws at them. They can't always have what they want. You'd be doing him a disservice to bring him up believing he could. At least he has one parent who loves him wholeheartedly, which is sadly more than some of his school friends (or his cousins) will experience.

Er, rambling much. Heartfelt but cheesy as usual. Hope you catch wot I'm getting at.