Need to tell something that really weighs on my mind but dont want a pasting

[UnlikelyAmazonian]

I posted this is Lone Parents but feel this is sort of home so will ask here too. gaaah

thankyou. Feeling not so crap now. Mumsnet is a lifeline still.
Its Christmas coming up and all the old mixed emotions.

I know people think it makes things easier to have some savings but as someone who has had to use them to top up income for a while now, it makes it harder in a lot of ways, as you don't know how long you can make it last for, so have to live like a church mouse (with occasional small splash or you would go mad).

And if you have to replace something, you have to decide whether to go for cheap or quality - I know we are lucky to have the choice, but spending £100 more now means running out of funds that bit further down the line.

running out of funds that bit earlier further down the line.

I remember what happened. Please don't ever feel guilty, ever. Your ex and his family - well, with what you have told us, I am extremely grateful for your sake that they are all out of your lives.

I hope your house sells well and you move somewhere a bit more lively. And, of course, have a lovely Xmas.

So you are using a lump sum of money from your son's grandparents to pay day to day living expenses for your son, rather than receiving a monthly contribution from your son's father? That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

I hope all is well for his new wife. There's a horrendous amount of exploitation of young Burmese women in Thailand.

yes yes and yes. am, so glad i've been understood. especially by those recalling the backstory. very kind. thankyou

and rudolph that's it - using the money they 'left' to top us up all the goddam time. It is being lucky but also damned as I wish he had stayed and gone through an ordinary divorce and still my son had a father blah blah.

But not him obviously. this is just ruminating on what could or might have been.

And yay! we also know all the charity shops inside out and I have made a hundred bargain finds and we also go to jumble sales (love them) and do enjoy making ends meet, but yes with bills and now shopping so gone up it goes much much less further.

gaah. Little Mix will so win X factor surely. Its good to be able to say these things on here.

Thumbs up for YOU & Little Mix:-)

Little Mix will win

have no fear

Can I have a mince pie to celebrate A/F. Go Little Mix!!!!

see ?

Listen to Auntie Fucker

I agree with everyone else that you don't need to feel guilty about the money.

I benefitted financially from my ex (though he tried every trick in the book to prevent it) as I own the house I live in. He also emptied the Bank Accounts and took Tax Credit money that was mistakenly paid, which they then demanded back.

I just look at the house as 'compensation'. Also, ex doesn't give maintenance either.

Arsewipe is the one missing out, UA. You have your son and you are a talented person. I am so confident that you will find something you want to do and succeed at it. It will become easier when ds is in school.

Btw, what is going on in x factor? No tv here :(

Little Mix won

Ooh. Dd will be chuffed :)

ua you have nothing to feel guilty about and a lot to feel proud of
it's tough not having any financial help and worrying about the responsibility of dwindling savings. Agree living in a town sounds positive, you need people around you and the employment possibilities are better. I think you will surprise yourself by the time ds is ready for school. When I became a lone parent I was incredibly fearful of the future, about money etc. I am teacher training now and things are finally looking up. I do find this time of year v v hard though, it's not surprising that worries surface. Look forwards, not backwards, there are better times ahead.

wtf is little mix?

you don't watch X Factor, ninah ?

I don't blame you

no i don't have tv
actually that started when I was skint lone p, the old set I had broke and then I couldn't afford to renew the licence anyway .. i just never bothered to replace it

you ain't missing much

No tv here either. Ex had a massive one that dominated the living room. I got rid and never had one since (9 years). We watch things sporadically at friends' houses tho, as dds like x factor.

I really like being without it mosp! I watch dvds, or like you tv at friends' - we saw a show called 'The Cube' tonight
but if I was on my own I'd watch any old shite every evening
instead I have had fun writing a series of unpublishable novels, passed my maths gcse and now i'm on this course I am working most eves anyway

UA - are you claiming tax credits? I have a feeling that savings don't prevent these from being claimed?

If anyone else knows more info on this perhaps they'll post on here.

Stay strong.

I vaguely remember your story. I think financially you are probably in the same sort of boat as a lot of lone parents with pre-school children. As ds gets older and is in school, the you will be in a better position to find a better job if you want to. My ds will start school next year, and I will be retraining then. Untill then, I won't have much money. It sounds to me like you deserve any money that you have managed to salvage from the relationship. I know what you mean about everything going up, I seemed to have much more money to spend last year than I do now. I need to start meal-planning!
Have you checked you are getting everything you are entitled to?

Yes you can claim tax credits, we had CTC and WTC (and since the kids got to adulthood, WTC). You have to declare any unearned income from your savings and it is added to your income for the calc. Eventually if your savings get low enough you can claim Income support.

My DM makes a few extra quid from her savings by rotating 2K in 1K batches each month between 2 savings accounts.

If your savings are in a bank you can register as a non-tax payer (if you are) and get the tax back - or you used to.

OP don't know your employment situation so the above geared to unemployed.

Have had help on the LP thread for this too. So thank you so much everyone. Feeling better.

I get so low about it still at times, especially as my son has now started to ask a lot about his dad. All the mums and dads went to the nativity at nursery, plus they are making xmas cards for mummy and daddy etc. so it's not surprising but his solemn face kills me.

Yes I get tax credits which are a lifeline. I declare all cash earnings as I am 99% paid in cash for cleaning. I can't get benefits because of the savings but it's not about being able to claim anything.

Yes I am glad he is not here or anywhere near us, but at the same time, well, bleurgh a million things really.
Well done Little Mix.