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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Scared him off?

32 replies

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 00:55

I have changed my name from last few posts, which were all to do with my now ex-H (well still married but the relationship is over thankfully). I thought that it would take me forever to even want to think about getting involved with someone but have met up a couple of times with a male friend who is also just out of a 'car crash' relationship. First time was a coffee and we talked about our exes and had a great laugh - really bonded (we've always got on like a house on fire - I thought he was gay, but recently seen him in a different light - he's not gay). He's been very keen back. Tonight we went to the pictures. Nothing happened except small kiss on cheek as we left but there is definitely chemistry. Several texts later we are both keen to meet up again. But then I think I pushed it a bit far my suggesting we meet this weekend but he is working this and next weekend. He's said let's do something in 2 weeks. I'm a bit worried that I've come on a bit too strong. Its maybe a bit pathetic but after 15 years in an emotionally unrewarding if not abusive relationship it's just so nice to hang out with a lovely guy who is sweet and just a little bit sexy too. I'm still sorting out financial arrangements with to be ex-H - it's definitely over though and I'm finding myself having surprisingly strong feelings (not just lust...but some of that too) for new guy! He's single, available and wants to meet a woman!! What to do??

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:06

If he said let's do something in two weeks just leave it as that. You asked and he's busy (its not wrong that you did that). Just wait now until you get another text to respond to.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:12

Do not text apologising for asking.

susiedaisy · 10/12/2011 01:18

Agree with fuzzy

Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:22

Is is sounding good or do you think I've scared him off a bit?

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:23

Saying this laughing as we have all been there. Put the phone away for now. We are all our own worst enemies where affairs of the hear are concerned ay susie

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:25

Its sounding fine dating but don't back track or ask "him" if its ok.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:27

Just go about your business, even if you don't have any business pretend you do.

Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:27

i know. lol. F'ing h. I feel like my 14 year old daughter. It's ridiculous. Really didn't think I'd even think about a guy for years!! And here I am wondering if I can fit in another baby or two for him! Bloody hell. I'm finding myself pathetic here!! I left the cinema and took the wrong way home cos I was so up in the air. Wish I'd jumped him though when I had the chance. Sure he wouldn't have turned me down. Had to get back for the kids though!! ;-)

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:31

Ok, well I would feel how you do but he'd be bloody frightened if you did. The only jumping you need to do at this precise moment in time is in your bed on your own.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:33

It's called relief that the other one is finally over and you have feelings for someone else. Yay! I feel it for you.

Laughing at the babies... are you wearing a wedding dress too?

AgnesBligg · 10/12/2011 01:34

I agree with Fuzzy. Try and act a bit cool even if that goes against the grain right now .

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:35

Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:36

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was working up the courage to propose this evening...!

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Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:38

Oh God yeah...on the kids front. And nice that ex-H was willing to take them until 8.30pm so I could drive home a 90mph in a hot flush as HE was going out (but only to drown sorrows with another guy who's also been dumped recently - ha ha)

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:39

See, you're getting off that cloud already. It's heady stuff. Tomorrow will be a bit different.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:40

Exactly!

Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:43

Yeah - thanks for your advice. I'll let him come after me...and we'll see if I'm still interested by then (???!!!! erm....!!!???? maybe!!) It's prob at least partly the euphoria at having packed up ex-H's clothes and shite this week and almost getting to a legal arrangement. And at getting to go out for a change. But nice to have a bit of a crush and who knows...might turn out to be the real deal! I'll spend the next two weeks with my kids and generally being fabulous I think!! Then we'll see what's next in this crazy life!!! Ha ha. Night ladies!! Sweet dreams all. (I haven't even been drinking btw!!)

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:46

Well done you.

Original poster

Datingafriend · 10/12/2011 01:52

Cheers!!!! The only booze I have in the house is a bottle of champagne and I'm saving that for when I see my name all on its own on the title deeds of MY HOUSE!!!! Have a good night!! I'm off for a cosy night in with my hot water bottle and my lovely KING SIZED BED which is ALL MINE. HOOOOORAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

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mumof4sons · 11/12/2011 12:33

Dating isn't it great to have these feelings? I've recently gotten back into the dating game after 20+ years of marriage. My advice would be to take everyday as it comes. A friend gave me a book called 'Why Men Love Bitches' by Sherry Argov when I first started dating that I can highly recommend for you. It is a very funny read, but also has some good advice.

BTW, I don't think you came on to strong. I have a been going out with a man for about 9 months now and we often go weeks at a time without seeing each other. We both have busy lives. I occasionally text him little messages like 'hope you are enjoying your time with your little boy' or 'hope your week is going ok'. Just a little message to let him know I'm thinking about him. Sometimes I get a message back, sometimes not. He does the same, and it always surprises me.

Enjoy this new chapter in your life - I know I am.

madonnawhore · 11/12/2011 12:55

Hahaha dating sucks. The anxiety, it's like torture! What's fun about it?

FWIW I think it sounds all good and you haven't scared him off. You suggested this weekend, he couldn't make it cos he's working. End of.

Try not to worry. And whatever you do, keep the crazy to yourself :)

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 18:00

Yep Madonna dating sucks. Will be back out there doing soon and always makes me laugh when people say, just go an enjoy. Enjoy what, talking to a complete stranger, you sizing him up, him doing the same. Will never like it

Original poster

Datingafriend · 12/12/2011 08:09

Thanks! This one isn't a total stranger, he's a friend/former colleague. I'm going to cool it and concentrate on my kids, friends and getting my separation sorted out. But make sure we get something in the diary soon as well for a bit of fun! Thanks everyone. Good luck Mumof4 - like your style! x

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Lovingfreedom · 18/12/2011 02:26

Its me Datingafriend with name changed again. Just a quick update. Have arranged a country walk and dinner back at mine in the New Year, with some other mutual friends. But the good bit is that he is going to be staying over so he can have a drink (and hopefully a kiss & cuddle!). I've told him that I have space and spare bedding, of course! Have played it slightly cooler - couple of emails but only gave him one option for the week he'd suggested and said I had to be up early the following day so not great anyway. After NY seemed better as will be relaxed and no school service to get to next day. Various emails have all included stuff like cute nicknames, BIG HUG and small squeeze - stuff like that. Very different from my ex's style. I like it!! Roll on 3rd Jan!

Lovingfreedom · 02/01/2012 23:34

Well...3rd Jan will be here tomorrow. My DCs will be around so nothing too heavy going to happen (I think this is a good thing). Also have various other friends coming, including with kids. Hopefully tomorrow will be a taster/teaser which can be followed up with a more 'adult' evening at the weekend (when my kids are away with STBXH). Hopefully the kids won't scare him off?! He seems pretty keen to come. Fingers crossed. I'm still feeling a bit nervous/almost shy around him which is pretty out of character...but I've been off the scene for 15 years! Any tips?

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