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Original poster

DP will not let me use a vibrator during sex

72 replies

KissMyA · 09/12/2011 13:08

Sorry about this but it is friday!

Been together 3 years. I used a vibrator (a little bullet type one, not a big willy shaped one) a couple of times to help me along and he didn't like it even though it was his idea!

To quote him, he said 'how am I supposed to compete with that' well, it's not really about competing but it helps me as I cannot orgasm through penetration alone. He was completely when I told him this.

He doesn't really want me to use it alone either as he said I'll get used to it and won't enjoy sex with him as much.

I've told him I really couldn't give two hoots if he doesn't like it, I'm using it on my own. I want to bring it back into the bedroom as he doesn't spend much time on me.

Any advice? I'm thinking of buying him 'She Comes First' for Christmas.

OP posts:

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 09/12/2011 20:57

He would be completely reasonable if he spent the time on you to help you along, as he doesn't he is being unreasonable. HappyHubbie makes good points. Large cock or not he may very well see it as a threat. An ex said to me very clearly that a sex toy threatened him.

QueenCess · 09/12/2011 21:00

Genius Molly!

I think I'd have sex and stop before he comes and just get off letting him know it wasn't working for me. Several times.

Taste of his own medicine is due after all actions speak louder.......

thunderboltsandlightning · 09/12/2011 21:03

Dump him.

sprinkles77 · 09/12/2011 21:12

I disagree about the going down thing. He shouldn't have to do sex things he doesn't want to. Imagine if we were berating a woman for not giving blow jobs. However he should make sure you have as much fun as he does, whether it's with his fingers or yours or toys. The fact that he can be attentive when reminded is not such a bad thing. My DH is wonderful and considerate though still gets regular instructions!

SolidGoldVampireBat · 09/12/2011 21:55

It's true that no one should have to engage in sexual activities they don't like and don't want to do. But that doesn't mean it's OK to conduct your sexual relationship in such a way that you are the only one actually getting off on it, and anything your partner asks for is too much hassle or 'wrong'.

fuzzynavel · 09/12/2011 23:05

OP, he's selfish, not only is he selfish his attitude to women stinks, living with him will not help the situation.

LancsDad · 09/12/2011 23:22

Hopefully not tmi.

I [we] love using vibrators. I've bought my DW quite a few of varying shapes and sizes and they really do the job. I love watching her using one or using one with her. She works away a lot and usually takes her favourite with her and then Skype comes into its own. :-)

We also have a slim rabbit style one that I can slip in alongside whilst she controls it - that's an unbelievable sensation for me and apparently for her, too.

confidence · 09/12/2011 23:23

Been together 3 years. I used a vibrator (a little bullet type one, not a big willy shaped one) a couple of times to help me along and he didn't like it even though it was his idea! To quote him, he said 'how am I supposed to compete with that' well, it's not really about competing but it helps me as I cannot orgasm through penetration alone. He was completely when I told him this. He doesn't really want me to use it alone either as he said I'll get used to it and won't enjoy sex with him as much.

LOL. Reverse genders and substitute "porn" for "vibrator", and you have the lament of half the threads on here.

His problem with the fact that you can't orgasm through penetration alone seems like the key issue. A lot of men are very ignorant about just how common that is, and regard it as a failing or as reflecting on their sexual prowess. It really would help if men were better educated about such things.

lubeybaublely · 09/12/2011 23:27

oh god I couldn't be doing with that. Either he goes down on your/or concentrates on you in other ways/whatever you like 99% of the time (allowing 1% for frantic quickies ) or he 'lets' you use the vibe.

lubeybaublely · 09/12/2011 23:28

I have never met a man that believes a woman orgasms through penetration alone. I'm either very lucky or Op's chap needs some serious educating. Or both.

Mumcentreplus · 09/12/2011 23:35

ok..so he's freaked out by the bullet vibe...intially my DH was like wtf??...sex toy?? what's wrong with me..blah blah blah..has he ever seen you come from using it?...now my DH is why have you not brought batteries for your bullet lady!!!

BluddyMoFo · 09/12/2011 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buzzswellington · 09/12/2011 23:53

You makes oi laugh, bluddy.

BluddyMoFo · 10/12/2011 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 00:05

Barreal · 10/12/2011 02:31

Cor. I love giving blow jobs. Indeed, I love my boyfriend's cock so much that I go to bed sucking on it. I fall asleep and go into these amazing deep dream states. He loves it.
Sorry about that. Just had to share. I've often heard that many women don't really like the BJ aspect of sex. I never did before this guy. I guess you have to really love them and they have to have a really nice willy, nice and clean and lovely.
:)
I can't wait. It's been too long.
Bring on the 22nd.
Bring on the free booze on the plane.
Bring it all on Santa!
Oops, sorry.

ageperfect · 10/12/2011 07:44

Would you mind him using blow up doll or fake vagina during your intimate moments? Sorry for very direct question...I really do think you would mind.If that's (v) something that bothers him ,talk to him again about how you feel...and maybe show him directly what makes you "happy" so to say..give him another chance...He shouldn't be selfish, in a long term it can bring distance between people,because you wont be happy and he wont be happy....
He should put more effort,it's not excuse,but i think man tend to get intimidated by sex toys. They don't see them as a help,they see them as a replacement and from your post,that's how your dp is seeing it. Talk to him,show him again what works for you cause on the end of the day you want to be happy bunny too....

ageperfect · 10/12/2011 07:46

ps. not all man but most yes

molly3478 · 10/12/2011 08:48

ageperfect - my dh has used fleshlight before and I couldnt care less. I think if a man is intimidated by sex toys then he is an idiot.

janetbb · 10/12/2011 11:17

OP - could you make the vib more of a mutual thing? My DP likes to use it, especially a bullet, when he's inside me. It's nice to have something to contract around, but also he's fully part of the proceedings, and gets a bit of stimulation himself.

BluddyMoFo · 10/12/2011 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ageperfect · 10/12/2011 12:04

Molly3478 i do agree with you but i think op dp looks intimidated ...or i might be wrong...On the end of the day,if one is unhappy most likely other one will be too. I hope they will work things out.....

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