Dh and I are not physically or verbally affectionate with each other and do not have a close communicative relationship. We also sleep separately. However I have come to the conclusion that he is not capable of relating in the way I would like nor does he have any desire to do so....
He is quite negative and cynical about stuff and prone to moaning and groaning (though more lighthearted where the kids are concerned) and being quite critical. For years this really upset me but somehow I have separated myself off from it and when he goes on like that I think about something else and it doesn't have the same impact on me. I really don't know why it seems to have ceased to have an impact on me. At other times we talk about what might be on TV or about the kids. It somehow seems ok.
There are stored resentments on both sides but after years of wishing he would be more affectionate and like and accept me more I have come to the conclusion that though I know what the good things about him are, in general I am not that interested in him any more.... I know every moany groany cynical and bossy reaction he is going to have and I am bored. Of course it is totally possible he feels the same way about me.
On the one hand I feel sad for both of us that we are not with people who really appreciate us (don't know how dh feels) but on the other hand we have a family life which is very important to both of us. So though I am sad that the kids do not have an affectionate relationship modelled for them, I can certainly work at it being civil and accepting....
I really would like a relationship where I can be emotionally open and where there is lots to talk about as well as physical affection but feel that it may be that after 16 years together (almost) maybe a lot of couples are like dh and I?
Maybe I can channel all that unused energy into something else??
Don't know what I am asking really but and wondering if anybody can relate?