Are we ready for a baby ?

[GillyMac93]

Hey all wasnt sure where to post this . Me and my fiance have always wanted kids but recently we talked about having a TTC in june. Im almost 19 very mature for my age DP is 26 with a well paid job , we have a house we are decorating with no mortgage should be done in a few months, we thought then we mite try for a baby, we have been together for 3 years and hav been through a lo together . Iam doing a distance course howver there have been other new mums on th course whose needs have been accomodated .What does everyone think ?xxx

Do your course first, you have years ahead of you to have babies.

You sound very together for your age but 19 is young. If you are asking the question then perhaps you aren't quite ready.

Definitely do your course first, and then see how you feel. You might want to go on & do other courses?
I had DS when I was 19, and although I don't regret it one bit, I wouldn't recommend having a baby that young.

Finish your course and think about further education and/or establishing yourself in a career before you give any consideration to having dc.

In 5 or 6 years time you should be well set up with a lot of postiive memories in your relationship bank which will stand you in good stead for the shock of caring for a pfb and a host of subsequent siblings.

In the meantime, have fun, have weekends away, see the world on vacations, and stash some money under the mattress for your eventual dcs' education.

You are still so young. While you still have the choice, wait a while. Enjoy childfree holidays for a couple of years, the freedom of being able to go out when you like, have impromptu drinks, etc.

You have years and years ahead of you, so enjoy a bit of time to yourselves first.

Thanks everyone , I love my fiance dearly and cant think Iv anything Id love more than starting a family , we were planing to TTC after we move into out house which would make me 20 when I gave birth . My course is a degreee in primary education and im in my second year with only one more to go so it would be finished by the time dc came along . Iam not asking because im not sure myself but worry that i will be judged by friends family and my mum and dad. My mum admits herself she wasnt very maternal and she didnt have me til she was 28 , but she is a career woman , she puts that first and spends little time at home . I on the other hand would be delighted to be a mum once id finished my course have a year out and dp has saved enough money to be able to take a few years off work to care for dc. Then I could work on my career . Does that change anything or am I just being young and naive?

Look you have a plan for your life and to me, that's a very good thing. Personally I think some people are ready at a younger age to have kids and that's fine. But in your case, I would definitely get the course out of the way before thinking about getting pregnant. Just put your all into it and get a good result, with nothing to distract you, while you can still do that. It's only another year and half - that time will fly in!

Thanks

finish your degree and get your first job - work at least 12 months before getting pregnant because that way you get materinity leave and maternity pay and can better provide for your child(ren).

your fiance may be happy to provide for you but you never know in life what is round teh corner - you ahve chance to get good qualification and get good job so take it before having children

Thanks , I think I should work for a year but its so hard to get a teaching job around here I really doubt I will get maternity , as it will only be supply work or temporary jobs I will get . Dp works offshore so I thought it would be wise to leave the career until there are better job opportunities , his salary is more than enough for both of us and maybe one more! Iam a supervisor in a large supermarket part time and Im quite content in that , at least that would be guranteed maternity pay but if I leave it to focus on teaching I wont get a permanent posistion .....mmmm very very confused haha thanks all for the advice , it would be definately easier to sort career now and children later

hmmm, sorry to rain on your parade, but I dont think you sound very mature and together at all!

Do a little bit of living, and do a little bit of learning, and leave babies for later!

If teaching jobs are hard to come by now, imagine what it will be like if you have no work experience, and taken a few years out on maternity leave, before even starting to think about a job?

Also, these days primary teachers are expected to know how to spell.

Part time work in the supermarket is fine when you are a teenager (which incidentally you are), but not so much if you have a chance of a fulfilling teaching career.

Take a few years, establish your career, get married, then ttc.

I bet you would hate living in your dps house, relying on your dps salary, and then suddenly finding yourself a single mum with no home, and no career, and no means to support your baby if the relationship were to break down. DONT every just rely on a man to fund you and your life.

Are you studying with the OU?

If you want to go into primary education my advice would be to wait for the baby until you get into your chosen career. Teacher training is tough and it would be a much better idea to be able to focus on getting through your first year in the job without the pressure of a baby to look after. If you are still 18 that means you are only in your first year of the course and I don't think that is a great time to be planning a a baby.

Once you get into primary education and complete your first year, you will be that bit older, you will have your qualification, and you will have very good maternity pay. It can be hard to get a teaching job but there are hundreds of them available every year, especially for newly qualified teachers. There is no saying you will only get supply work. There is always going to be a demand for new teachers and plenty of people do get permanent positions. If you are committed to teaching then you should go for it properly and wait until you are 22/23 or so to be starting your family.

I would say that 19 is too young. Plenty of people do have babies at that age, but it isn't ideal. It is an ideal age to complete your education and training properly.

I'm going to step in right now and pee all over everyone's parade.

Yes it's lovely, yes it's all wonderful. You are 19. You are going to change so much before you are even 29. Only a decade away before you are even 30.

DO NOT make the mistake at your age of giving up your hopes, dreams and career, to be a SAHM. As your man has got a house and a bucket loads of money. You should always, always be in the position where you can be financially independent from your man.

I had DS1 when I was 23. I absolutely love him to pieces and wouldn't change things but I do regret having him so early. We've gone on to have DS2 so as to provide a playmate for him, but now at 25 my childbearing days are well and truly over!
I too thought I was very mature at 19 and before I had DS1 I had this lovely little image of having my own little family. Boy was I unprepared for things when he came along! Parenthood is tough and I do feel OLD compared to my peers.
While I have an absolutely fantastic job, had I not had children and not taken two sets of maternity leave I would be doing a lot better than I am. There are so many opportunities for me in London but I cant justify either moving there or commuting, as i'd never see my boys.
Honestly, wait a few years, do your degree and see where it leads you, dont 'burden' yourself now with children, because as a woman, once they arrive you will feel like your wings are clipped! You have many many years ahead of you to still have children

Hi,

You do sound very sorted, and I really admire you for that.

However, does it occur to you that because you are so sorted at such a young age, that really it is almost a sense of boredom, a kind of 'what's next' that is making you think about having a child? Rather than a true desire to have a child.

At 19, I too was very mature, having dealt with an awful lot and also it being innate to my nature. Having said that, the thought of having a baby was not remotely on my horizon, I was thinking about all the other stuff I wanted to do beforehand at 19. I knew however that I definitely wanted children, just a little later on.

11 years have passed since I was 19 and I do not think I can fully arriculate how much I have changed as a woman. I thought I was grounded, mature and together. I was to some extent, but no where near as I am now. Your twenties are a defining decade, trust me!

my DS is 15 months, and I feel a young mum! But it totally feels like the right time. I feel like I have lived and really enjoyed my twenties.

Go on some fab holidays, have lots of lazy relaxed weekends with your hubby, finish your course, get your first job sorted, throw yourself in to. Give yourself 5 years. You will still be young, but you will have had a little more life experience.

I agree with all the others who've said to get your career started before you start a family.
My DD is nearly 22 and training to be a Maths teacher ( High school, that's where the jobs are ,not primary ) , she is also in a serious relationship, will be moving into his flat next year ( he was lucky enough to get a good job after getting his degree and has stayed where DD is at uni to be with her) , they fully intend to marry and start a family within the next 4/5 years.
You are 19, what is the rush? Live a little before you spend 16 - 20+years child rearing. Take advantage of cheap holidays before you are tied down to school holidays, have weekends away /whatever takes your
fancy, it all changes once you have babies.

I started reading thinking "ahh, she's so young." Then I realised that I started going out with DH when I was 19 and doing my teacher training! We then had over 10 years together before having children. Not all those were our choosing, but they were amazing years. We bought our house, had fabulous holidays, spent lots of time on hobbies and really got to know each other. It has meant that we have a stable roof over our heads, DH has an amazing career but most importantly we are a good team in that we know how to support each other in the rough times - and believe me the first few months of a babies life are rough.

I'd say wait a few years. Do all the things you've always wanted to do and have the babies as the icing on the cake afterwards.

yes, indeed. I met dh when I had just turned twenty. Moved in with him, did my degree, did a postgraduate degree, established my career, had fantastic holidays in far away places, for a good number of years before we got married, bought a house, had kids.

We got married at 18 and 19, we had 5 brilliant years before we decided to start a family , it was absolutely the right thing to do. You don't truly know someone until you've lived with them for a good couple of years.

I was actually more ready to have a baby at 19 than I am now at 34.

If your DP is working offshore and you had DC(s) before completing your qualifications and beginning your career, you'd end up doing your NQT year effectively as a single parent. That year is incredibly hard work; juggling it with a family and doing it alone..... Well, I know people have done it, but I don't know anyone who'd recommend it.

I'd think really carefully if I were you.

Ditto sardinejam. Parenthood takes your world by storm and there's no going back. I was always the dizzy, happy-go-lucky one - but now feel about 20 years older than friends my age!!

DD was a 'happy accident' at 24, and had DS a year later, all whilst working full time AND doing PT degree (actually full time when pregnant with DS and on mat leave with DD). Oh. My. God. it was hard.

I'm glad I did a good bit of 'living' pre-DD, and I don't regret it per se, but wish in a way I could have had a few more years like of freedom. I also feel on a complete back footer to my peers who got on with their careers. I worked so hard, and yet can't envisage a way forward career wise with such little ones, for a couple of years anyway, which is frustrating.

My advice would be to finish your course, get off the starting block at the very least career wise, enjoy your youth (trying not to sound like a condescending twat here, honest!) - you still have so much time.

Thanks Everyone , KitandKat I started my degree when I was 17 . All your advice has made me think a bit more about the practicalities of it all , thanks everyone again