Are we ready for a baby ?

[GillyMac93]

Hey all wasnt sure where to post this . Me and my fiance have always wanted kids but recently we talked about having a TTC in june. Im almost 19 very mature for my age DP is 26 with a well paid job , we have a house we are decorating with no mortgage should be done in a few months, we thought then we mite try for a baby, we have been together for 3 years and hav been through a lo together . Iam doing a distance course howver there have been other new mums on th course whose needs have been accomodated .What does everyone think ?xxx

Don't do it yet. How many people can say they are still with the same person they were with when they were 19? I know I'm not, thank god!

I'm 20 and have the most wonderful 4mo ds, I'm in a crappy job, haven't travelled much but that baby was do wanted! Who says you can't do the fun things with a child as well. If you feel ready and want a baby just do it, a good job and holidays doesn't make you a better parent

From someone with a DH working away don't have kids because you're lonely because you will feel 10x more so when you have a tiny baby and no DP around.

I would wait, really I would. Get your NQT year done, get a job that you could maybe negotiate a PT return to post-DC1, put money by for a rainy day.

I had DS at 24, mid-twenties physically is good timing but the world loves to judge you for it and it changes everything from a career perspective. I got off the starting block and now I'm running with extra weight compared to everyone else, we'd like another soonish so that's double the extra weight. The only advantage I can see is that I'll be ahead in my thirties when everyone else takes ML but sod's law dictates we'll get a bonus baby then

I think if you want to then go for it. We married at 19 and 20 and had our irst at 23. I like having kids younger as you can fit more in with gaps to enjoy them

A good job and holidays certainly does not make you a better parent.

But there is more to a woman's life than being a parent. If there are career goals, places you want to go, things you want to achieve etc, your early to mid twenties are the ideal time to do those things.

Also I did a degree with a baby and pregnant and still got a 2:1 even though I had a baby in the middle of year and only had 2 weeks off it really isnt that hard.

If you are doing teaching it even better as they are so supportive 3 of mycours had babies in middle of year and 2 are now working as teachers and Im a nursery nurse (who gets paid to look after my own children).

AwayWithTheBabies, I think you will find that a 4 month old is really not stopping you from having fun, at 4 months old you are still on the baby honeymoon, and can take your portable little bundle of joy pretty much everywhere!

Especially if you have no other ambition than to just be and enjoy that.

No it does not get even better if you are teaching. It isn't really comparable to being a nursery nurse.

In your first year you can expect to put in 12 hour working days. That's a fact. Even if you are very efficient and organised, the planning and marking and all that is relentless. You can also expect to spend some of your weekend and a fair amount of your school holidays getting school work done.

Of course, it is possible and I take my hat off to people who do their NQT year with a baby or small child. But I wouldn't advise it personally.

Katandkit - 2 of my friends had babies in middle of year and became teachers. One it was her 4th child and she is only 27. Loads of people did it at my uni and that was just my year alone. Its the most common degree to have a baby in middle of course according to my ex uni.

That is a pretty useless statistic, Molly, it only tells us that people who study to become teachers or nursery nurses really love children and would like some of their own without any concern as to how it impacts on their degree, not whether from a educational perspective it is a sound choice to combine the two!

I will add it might be harder for you as all my friends got free childcare through uni to do the degree and pgce but you might not if you have a husband who earns a lot.

As I say, it is possible.

If the OP really wants to have a baby at 19 then of course it won't automatically prevent her from achieving other goals in life.

I personally just think 19 is too young and she should enjoy at least 2 or 3 more years of being able to focus on herself, finish growing up, get her career started, have a bit of fun, make sure her relationship has a chance of going the distance (she got together with her partner very very young after all) before adding a baby into the mix. Even if she waits three years 22 is considered young to be a parent these days.

Anyway it is up to her, not a bunch of women on the internet. I can tell you though that when I started teaching it was physically and emotionally very hard going at first and I am glad I didn't have the added pressure of taking care of a small child.

Also, what about the (unpaid) teaching placements during the course? You have to do teaching practise, you can't train to be a teacher all via distance learning. Placements would obviously require the OP to be able to fund childcare, which can be expensive if you are a student and your household is being run with one income.

I only teach 15 hours a week and it's basically the same class so minimal prep but it is hard. DS was 4mo when I went back to work, finding childcare to start early in the morning was a nightmare, I can only mark once he's in bed. Thank goodness I don't need to do all the additional paperwork that comes with Early Years because I don't know when I'd fit it in.

I think a high % of people here are getting caught up on the age. I did this, I did that. Great no one is judging.

Have most of you learnt nothing from relationships? Op is talking about putting her career on hold to become financially kept by her oh at 19.

No no and no. Wait op for a few years, get your career sorted. Get earning so you aren't in the precarious position of giving up your best years, relying on a man to keep you.

I agree with bubble. I know you feel really solid and happy with your oh, OP, but all sorts can go wrong and having a baby actually puts massive strain on a relationship raher than cementing it. You would be in a better position to handle the worst if you had your career sorted and a good qualification to fall back on.

Making yourself wholly dependent on him is not a good move and although you're his fiancee I didn't pick up on a date set to marry? If you're unmarried and it all went wrong, you'd have no claim on the house or assets (assuming it's his in name, rather than joint?) There's no legal comeback as a common-law wife, although child support would be expected - but there's no guarantee of actually getting that out of an errant parent. I know all this probably seems irrelevant and doomy because you're so happy together, but - shit happens.

I really think you'd be best getting your career off the ground and actually marrying before you ttc.

I've sent you a pm