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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how to make a move...or not?

61 replies

wantanewname · 05/12/2011 21:15

Hi, would really appreciate your help on this. When I was a teenager, over 20 years ago, I had a friend who I really liked and who I think had a big crush on me but I didn't fancy him. We were friends for years and he never actually made a pass at me, he seemed very shy whereas I was at that time a bit of party animal (still am given a chance) although I remember being sure he did fancy me. I went off with someone 'more exciting' and I remember feeling really guilty. I then had years of relationships with unsuitable men and lost touch with him.

We recently have become friends again and we get on just as well as we always did. He is fairly recently divorced and has 3 children and lives near me and my daughter. So far we have been out a few times, sometimes at my instigation and sometimes his. I left something at his house and today he brought it round and stayed chatting for about 2 hours. Now, although I still don't actively fancy him (as in lust after him) I think he's really lovely. He's very kind and very intelligent. But I am starting to doubt whether he ever did fancy me as he never made a move either then or now. He suggested going out again and I said he could stay over and then he could drink hoping that was a hint but I'm not sure he took it that way.

I am thinking of saying something in a text, I want to find out if he did fancy me all those years ago or whether he wants something more than friends now but don't know what to say? (I know texting is crap but I can't seem to muster up courage face to face!)

OP posts:
pollyblue · 05/12/2011 22:42

x-posts with Casa.....

Gay40 · 05/12/2011 23:08

I'm sorry to say I have just choked with laughter at cross-stitiching the cushions with "least said soonest mended" Grin

wantanewname · 05/12/2011 23:13

no he lives about 45 minutes away. He came over today because he works near where I live. Theres no point in going for a drink halfway as I have to get a babysitter so it's easier near me and it would mean neither of us could drink. Then if he knew exactly what I meant but didn't take me up on it then he isn't interested then?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 05/12/2011 23:14

DROP IT, WOMAN!!!

wantanewname · 05/12/2011 23:15

drop what???I haven't done anything, just asking questions on here. I haven't been in touch with him!!!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 05/12/2011 23:16
izzywhizzysmincepies · 05/12/2011 23:55

You should see my eclectic collection of cross-stitched cushions Gay, although in mitigation it must be said that they weren't all sewn by own fair hands Grin

Have your ever increasing years taught you absolutely fuck-all nothing about men, OP?

Drop what, you say innocently. To which the answer is 'not your knickers just yet, honey'.

To dignity and decorum add 'finesse'. Do please look them up in a dictionary, there's a dear.

OK, so here's the scenario you and Mr Kind, Intelligent, blah, blah, Guy are enjoying a beverage or two wherever. When the conversation lapses, play 'do you remember?'.

Remind him of when you first met, the time of year, the friends you had in common, places you went to, what he was wearing (snazzy jeans'll do if you can't come up with anything else), and once you're both walking down memory lane, look seductively up at him from beneath your lengthened (L'Oreal Volume Million 'cos you're worth it) lashes and with a shy smile (practice in a mirror beforehand) say 'of course, I had a humungous crush on you back then, you were one cool dude'.

Note the past tense use of 'were' and the unashamed use of flattery. Pause to give him the opportunity to say whether your crush was reciprocated and follow through with 'shame we change as we get older' should it transpire that you weren't his Miss Teenage wet Dream.

In one fell swoop you've found out what you want to know and given his ego a simultanous boost and a dent. He'll go home wondering why you don't fancy him now and will set about changing your mind back to the future past.

wantanewname · 28/01/2013 13:29

I am resuscitating this very old thread with an update. I came across it while I was looking for something else.

Well, after a lot of negative feedback on here (not unjustifiably) about how I didn't fancy him then and wouldn't now, about how he didn't fancy me or would have made a move etc, etc I did go for a drink with him and invited him to stay the night...It's been fantastic ever since. We have been going out with each other about 9 months and see each other all the time (or as much as we can). Sex between us is amazing! I grew to really fancy him and he explained that all those years ago he never made a move because he was scared of rejection.

Anyway, we are planning to move in together soon so it's all working out but thank you to everyone who gave me advise a while ago :)

OP posts:
KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 28/01/2013 18:34

It's lovely to hear a story like this where it actually works out after all those years. I bet you both really appreciate each other after what you have been through.
You are both very lucky indeed and I wish you all the best :-)

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 28/01/2013 18:35

It's lovely to hear a story like this where it actually works out after all those years. I bet you both really appreciate each other after what you have been through.
You are both very lucky indeed and I wish you all the best :-)

OverlyYappyAlways · 28/01/2013 18:46

Aww how nice.

I have the same thing kindof going on here but told him we would better being friends, then cried and am now looking at him constantly like a 12 year old or a love sick puppyI knew I should have slept with him on the date....

Congratulations!!

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