this is my first and probably last post ever here. for those who are prepared to read with an open mind thank you and your advice will be much appreciated.
For those who are going to launch into their default mumsnet 'slag off the man/girl power/ women stick together mode please move on as I'm not interested in your biased opinion.
This is a serious matter to me as it's my marriage so only open minds will be of any help. Ok lecture over.
I've reached a point in my marriage where I honestly feel like the same problem has been cropping up for years and it's reaching a stalemate and if it goes on like this i dread to think what will happen. I feel drained, exasperated and totally frustrated.
I work long reasonably long hours and away one night a week in a very high pressured job. My wife looks after our young children and finds it equally as stressful and busy and hectic.
For the mostpart we get on well. we both fancy each other, have a reasonable sex life and still have a lot in common.
My problem is we always seem to be arguing and falling out over the same things. Namely what I would term as RESPECT issues. And there NEVER seems to be a resolution that lasts more than a couple of days despite big proclamations and promises which always fall flat on their face.
My wife continually drags up things from the past (no not affairs or anything like that) whenever we have a disagreement about something - even if it is totally unrelated.
So for example I could be having a relatively innocuous argument about an every day relationship thing and she'll literally just start picking the worst things that I've ever done in our relationship from maybe 5 years ago and start throwing them in my face - clearly as if to say 'you have no right bringing anything up to me'.
It climaxed tonight with her telling me , without a hint of irony, that any time she says anything out of line to me or does anything wrong it's because my 'behaviour and actions have made her do it.' Which basically means she can never be in the wrong, and I can never be in the right. In essence - when she's in the wrong, even that is my fault.
Often I will try and trigger some kind of resolution by saying 'right lets talk/ make up etc' but 80 per cent of the time she will storm out into a different room for hours on end, or frequently go and sleep in another room and the disagreement then goes on for a couple of days until I admit i'm wrong and say sorry. This is a frequent occurrence and it drives me insane. Makes me feel like throwing the towel in.
I am far from the perfect husband (who is) but recent things that have really worried me include trying to take her on a romantic break away only to be told "i'm not in the right frame of mind with you at the minute to do it " only for her to organise a family holiday with her parents just a week later.
Also constantly goading me about being on anti-depressants (not a major depression problem and dose relatively small) saying things like "Get back on your tablets" in a really sarcastic tone any time we disagree on something.
I don't understand why she is so hard on me. As I said I am far from perfect but I do give her a good lifestyle and i'm always telling her how great she looks, trying to encourage plenty of intimacy and also fun times together, But it's hard to be with someone who NEVER thinks they are in the wrong.
A couple of years ago she admitted it was wrong how she always storms off and lets arguments linger overnight etc and said she would stop it - yet she has failed to even remotely live up to that so far.
I don't even know where I'm going with this but as things stand I really can't go on like this. There's no point talking to her about it because every reply just begins with her talking about herself and how hard she has it and how bad it is being married to me.
Sometimes I wonder when she looks down on me so much why she would even want to be with me anymore.
A seriously tired husband.