Feeling guilty for thinking about friend. WWYD?

[InOneEar]

A couple of weeks ago I met up with some old university friends, including one old flatmate of mine. When we lived together we supported each other through some tough times (I was in a bad relationship and he was in love with someone unavailable). Anyway, although we were young and dumb and got drunk together numerous times, the relationship was never anything other than platonic. So imagine my surprise when we met up (in a group) and I found there was this huge chemistry between us (well, in my mind anyway). Since that meeting I have found myself thinking about him a lot. Nothing remotely inappropriate happened (or was said), but I am feeling really guilty for thinking about him like this. I am married with 2 DCs and adore my DH emotionally and physically. My question is: should I tell DH about this? I don't normally have any secrets at all from him and find myself feeling remote because of this. If I do tell him then almost certainly any friendship I have with my old flatmate would be out of the question. He lives a long way away and we are not in touch online so it is very doubtful we would communicate other than the occasional email and very irregular meet-ups with mutual friends. WWYD?

That's lovely, QueSera.

I'm glad common sense has prevailed, OP. I have a (mild) crush on a friend's husband, even though I love my husband dearly. So I keep it to myself because I value my relationship with him, and my friendship with this woman and her husband. I realise my husband is the man I want to grow old with, with all that entails.

How are things panning out for you betternamechange?

Wow, I haven't looked at this thread for ages, was surprised to see it still alive!
Springydaffs, you make a good point. I guess this other person is a lot like me hence the "falling in love with yourself" bit. He also represents a lot of things I would like to do - creativity etc.

Still thinking about talking to hubby about this at some point (though I feel the situation is well under control). The thing is, if the crush fades, which I'm sure it will, and I tell DH, then I will have lost a friend.

Thank you to everyone who posted some painful and honest stories. I would never 'flame' anyone for admitting to a very human mistake. It's the oldest story in the world after all...........

I have crushes on people quite a lot, although I was always faithful to my H (he turned out not to be to me, but that is another story) and didn't ever act on any crushes. I found that a way to deal with them was to make a joke of it and tell a few people. It sounds silly but by the time I'd said 'oh God, that guy , he's gorgeous, oh yeah....etc etc, if I wasn't married...blah blah blah' then I was already on the way to getting over it. It's the excitement of all the secrecy and the privacy of the messaging and communication. Once that's gone then you can relax and enjoy it for what it is - just like finding an actor, singer or personality attractive.

sorry if i've been a bit quiet and teddy thankyou. still struggling to say out loud what's going on. It's complicated and i hate the feeling at work that my state of mind is so linked up to his responses to me. we had supervision this week and it was all very professional and neither of us have referred to or mentioned the extent of our emailing habit or the content really. is that normal. So i'm sort of leading a triple life - home, professional work and then pretty unboundaried work. I just can't get him out of my head. I know i need to draw back. I know i ned to disract myself. but actually, i want confirmation that he finds me attractive and is drawn to me in the way i'm drawn to him, which is pretty pathetic, isn't it.
Hopefully a couple of wks off at the heart of my family will cure me of that. I feel the need for that. should help me gain persepctive. and i do like your ideas - i shall focus on a flaw in his appearance to put me off! I also talked to a very close friend of mine, who has been in a sim. position who was very nice and helpful and summed up my situation nicely, which helped me see the wood for the trees and the choics i have.
thnakyou everyone for talking and not judging. I have never - after 16 yrs of marriage - been in this position before.

oh and springydaffs, think you have something there. I've come out of yrs of childbirth, sahm-ing etc and suddenly back at work have found the pre-children, sparky me etc which has been a revelation and really enjoyable.