.. to feel sad that DH doesn't say good night to his daughter?

[marykat2004]

Ok I know he is ill, heart condition and depression, but it makes me sad and even winds me up that DH doesn't even say good night to DD. We have had some problems with bedtime routines, and this week I've been home every night and really taking the time to have a nice long, slow bedtime routine. He doesn't even come in to say goodnight, just stays in our room with the door shut, or on the computer.

I asked him if both his parents used to say goodnight to him and DH said no. He was the youngest of 6, his dad worked full time and no one paid much attention to him at all.

Still it breaks my heart to see DD rejected.

Or should I be more understanding or DH's illness?

Do all your DPs say good night to the children?

Go back to see your GP, and make them talk to you. Of course you are stressed. You are the carer for a family with a young child and a DH with a serious health condition.
Is your DH getting any counselling? I would suggest that he is probably terrified of the future, and as he's not facing up to that he can't cope with normal family life. So he is not providing adult back up to you, he is not functioning as an adult but as a frightened child.
Of course your DD is not "good" all the time, she is also picking up on the atmosphere and unspoken fears at home. Daddy going into hospital is very frightening. I really think CAMHS should help her/you regardless of your DH.
I would also suggest you contact British Cardiac patients association who offer help for the families of patients with heart disease.
Don't give up all your outside interests/friends. You need them to recharge your batteries and to think about something else. Look after yourself, you are of no use to your DH or DD if you neglect yourself and become sick.
Modern ADs do not make your thinking fuzzy, so don't be frightened of them.

I was on Citalopram for PPD, for 2 years. it did make me feel fake so I came off it.

Also, the symptoms were different. When i had PPD I was still working PT, had a lovely new baby, nothing to be depressed about. I had insomnia so badly I couldn't sleep more than a few minutes.

This is just a matter of trying to make DH's last few years as comfortable as possible, and as little strain on DD as possible.

In previous generatiosn women didn't question that they had no life outside the family. Our generation is far too selfish. Surely I can take a few years to look after my family. i am in good physical health, don't smoke, hardly drink and get exercise. I should live long. I will have time for me later.

The problem is if you don't take some time for your mental and physical health you won't be able to keep going. You will have some kind of breakdown. Everyone needs a break sometime.
In previous generations people had large extended families and/or servants to take some of the burden

you dont need to take ADs maybe but you do need someone in real life a counsellor or therapist to support you in alll this. supporting a dying husband is a big deal - please seek out relevant support groups and get indivdual counselling for this .

mumsnet just cannot support you thru this. and you dont know how many years this will be do you? and support for your DD - she msut be picking up non all this knowing her dad is going to die?

Yes we are getting support for her but now everything has to wait for the new year. Even the GP is on holiday til January.

Thank you for your responses. Have a lovely festive season.

Have a good Christmas marykat. Thinking of you.