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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What to do if someone is suicidal?

41 replies

itsohsoquiet · 03/12/2011 20:47

Please help. Split up with my DP and he has attempted suicide twice today. I don't know what to do. I am supposed to be out all day tomorrow and back at work monday. He says I stopped him today but he will just do it again when im not around. How can I help him?

OP posts:

joanofarchitrave · 03/12/2011 20:48

Take him to A&E. Now.

AyeSmagic · 03/12/2011 20:49

How did he attempt suicide?

Sorry you're having to deal with this. Does he have friends and family to take over from you?

LaurieFairyCake · 03/12/2011 20:49

Yes, a and e. And rope your friends and family in.

Call the police if you have to.

LovesBloominChristmas · 03/12/2011 20:50

Accept that if doneone really wants too they will. It will be his choice and not your fault. Then tell him to go to a&e.

MillyStar · 03/12/2011 20:53

A&E if you can, they will get the crisis team there to assess him and mabye section him, if he won't go then phone a&e and ask them what to do, they'll put you through to the crisis team on the phone, sounds harsh but better than him doing anything, hope you're ok this really isn't fair on you xx

ISayHolmes · 03/12/2011 20:54

Call an ambulance the next time he tells you that he is going to kill himself and send it to his location. Were you there when he was making these attempts? What exactly did he do? I'm not trying to say that he isn't suicidal, that isn't for me to say, but is it possible he's using it as a threat in order to keep you around him?

JustifiedAncientOfMuMu · 03/12/2011 20:55

Agree A&E. Your DH needs professional help.

joanofarchitrave · 03/12/2011 20:58

Yes sorry I'd actually missed that you'd split!

Should have said 'take him to A&E if you are in the same house and he will go.'

Otherwise, ring the duty social services (this page has a link to council numbers) and ask for the mental health crisis team. He may end up being sectioned.

foolonthehill · 03/12/2011 21:34

...and if they assess him as low risk and discharge him remember he is a grown-up and responsible for his own actions. You are not responsible for him though obviously you wouldn't be needlessly cruel. He needs professionals assessment and if necessary treatment.

EVEN IF HE SUCCEEDS IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

just make sure the professionals and any of his friends and family know

Original poster

itsohsoquiet · 03/12/2011 21:36

He put something round his neck twice and was going to hang himself but I found him. He has drank a lot of vodka and usually he doesn't drink at all. He has no family in this country

OP posts:

Original poster

itsohsoquiet · 03/12/2011 21:37

and its all my fault. I have been seeing someone else and he found out

OP posts:

Original poster

itsohsoquiet · 03/12/2011 21:39

I would have finished with him a long time ago but I was scared he would try something like this. So I stayed with him and I've been seeing someone else behind his back and now its a mess. there's no way out

OP posts:

AyeSmagic · 03/12/2011 21:41

Well, you've been very cruel. Why would you do such a thing?

Does he have any friends that can help him? Because I don't think you can or should.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 03/12/2011 21:41

Call 999 and alert the police if you aren't with him. They will go and check on him and involve a mental health team. And don't beat yourself up- people cheat, it's life. Upsetting, yes, but suicide attempts aren't a normal response or your fault.

AyeSmagic · 03/12/2011 21:44

Although, it does sound like he wanted you to find him.

foolonthehill · 03/12/2011 21:50

Yes, you did something cruel and not good..

BUT I was scared he would try something like this. So I stayed with him

Emotional blackmail is cruel and not good as well.

He is still an adult and he does still have to take responsibility for his own life. If you live in the same place you need professionals to assess him and hopefully admit him (and pour all available alcohol down the drain for the foreseeable future-literally, also get rid of any inessential pills). If you live apart ditto and alert people who do care for and about him.

venusandChristMARS · 03/12/2011 21:53

Find someone who CAN be with him - there must be someone!

What is done is done. You have to accept that. You may feel that you have a duty to care, but that is about getting him the right help, and then getting yourself into a better place.

cadelaide · 03/12/2011 22:00

Ultimately, you are not responsible for his actions, whatever you have done.

Please remember that.

You don't seem like a "cruel" person to me. You need to do as others have said and ring Social Services.

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 22:02

It's all his choice

There are no dc around are there?

dearprudence · 03/12/2011 22:06

What cadelaide said ^

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 03/12/2011 23:12

Suicide is a personal choice. Your actions may not have been morally the best thing, but staying with someone because of emotional blackmail (which threatening suicide most certainly is) is understandable. His actions are determined by him and him alone... you are not responsible.

If you live with him..call a GP/Police and get him under the eye of someone... if not.. I'd call them too, but it is his decision and he is blackmailing you...

be strong..

SolidGoldVampireBat · 03/12/2011 23:14

Not surprised you cheated on him. He sounds like a total loser, selfish and inclined to emptional blackmail. He is not your responsibility and probably is just poncing about with rope and bottles of pills in order to make you feel guilty. Refer him to the local MH team then walk away and don't fret about it any more.

CailinDana · 04/12/2011 00:03

At the risk of sounding totally callous, I'd say he's not being serious at all. He's using the suicide thing as a threat to keep you hanging on. People who are genuinely suicidal don't go shouting it to the world and don't stick something round their neck and wait for someone to conveniently stop them - twice. How on earth did you find him twice? If the same thing happens again, call his bluff, call an ambulance and the police and that might make him think twice about being such a twat in future.

If he genuinely wants to be dead then like others have said you're not going to be able to stop him. Call the help he needs then walk away, you're not responsible for him.

carantala · 04/12/2011 00:07

Don't fall for this extreme emotional blackmail; he's trying to make you feel guilty and sorry for him!

If people are serious about topping themselves, they plan it secretly and quietly without letting others know BUT, in 99% of cases, they leave a note absolving nearest and dearest of blame!

Best of luck, OP!

SolidGoldVampireBat · 04/12/2011 00:40

People who carry on like this are very, very rarely considerate enough to actually fucking die and get out of your hair.

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