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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What to do if someone is suicidal?

41 replies

itsohsoquiet · 03/12/2011 20:47

Please help. Split up with my DP and he has attempted suicide twice today. I don't know what to do. I am supposed to be out all day tomorrow and back at work monday. He says I stopped him today but he will just do it again when im not around. How can I help him?

OP posts:

giraffesCantDookForApples · 04/12/2011 00:45

If you are concerned for someones life phone for help - same as you would for any situation that would make you concerned for someones life.

yellowraincoat · 04/12/2011 00:59

Bloody hell, SolidGold, that's a bit harsh.

As others have said, if someone wants to do it, they'll do it. Call A&E, but you're not together and he's not your responsibility. You're probably not the best person to help him in this situation. Can he go back to his home country to get some support?

Selks · 04/12/2011 01:01

Sorry, none of you people who are saying he is not being serious know that, and it is dangerous to make those assumptions and offer advise based on that.

OP if he has made two attempts and has said he will do again then follow the advice and get emergency help. Get him to A&E or if needs be, call an ambulance. Let the experts decide if it is 'genuine' or not.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 04/12/2011 01:03

Flouncing about threatening to top yourself purely in order to make a partner who wants to dump you stay is abusive behaviour: the OP can call in the professionals and then walk away. He doesn't have to be her problem no matter how much he tries to make himself her problem.

serin · 04/12/2011 01:04

Don't believe that all suicidal people plan things quietly and secretly,many don't.

Many ask for help and a lot do talk about it even if it is to a total stranger rather than a friend. I used to be a Samaritan and the phone lines were busy every single day.

That said, you can't save him, he needs professional help and even then there are no guarantees. I think the right thing to have done was call an ambulance when you found him, all you can do now is ask him to contact his GP or your local Mental Health team.

Good luck

Selks · 04/12/2011 01:20

Serin, it's only today that he tried to hang himself, so I think A&E or ambulance
would be appropriate. GP appt if it had happened days ago perhaps.

I hope the OP is doing ok with it all.

Arana · 04/12/2011 01:22

Sgb you're obviously never felt suicidal. Just the mere fact that you're feeling suicidal can be terrifying.

OP, you need to make it clear to him that it want your intention to hurt him, you can't be who he wants you to be, but encourage him that suicide isn't the way forwards.

For someone who you believe cares our until recently cared for you to imply that your suicide attempts are for emotional blackmail out attention seeking purposes just reinforces the idea that suicide is a good idea. Trust me, I've been there.

Explain that you'll take him to a&e if this continues as he is no longer your responsibility.

carantala · 04/12/2011 01:31

serin Think that you have misunderstood my post or perhaps I did not make it clear! People who are determined to commit suicide, for whatever reason, will do so and will not contact anyone for help or advice.

I appreciate that the phone lines of the Samaritans are busy every single day; I have used the service myself many times and am extremely grateful to all of the volunteers who listened to my desperate calls and ventings.

My point is that the OP's other half is using emotional blackmail and is not serious in his "suicide" attempts. He's not even "crying out for help." He's just punishing her, imho!

yellowraincoat · 04/12/2011 01:44

How can you know that though, carantala? Making suicide attempts is pretty dangerous behaviour: even if it's not serious in the beginning, it could be the start of seeing how easy it would be, testing the waters, so to speak.

Agree it's not her problem, but I think suicide is seriously misunderstood.

Pseudonym99 · 04/12/2011 09:46

Even if he doesn't intend to kill himself and is just trying to attract attention, he may accidently succeed.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 04/12/2011 09:51

This man has been emotionally blackmailing the OP with threats of suicide for some time in order that she continue a relationship she no longer wants to be in. He's just uppped his game now she's dumped him. He's a knob.
And my advice remains the same OP, involve the professionals and walk away. It's not your fault.

Selks · 04/12/2011 09:53

"People who are determined to commit suicide, for whatever reason, will do so and will not contact anyone for help or advice."

I am a mental health practitioner in the NHS and I disagree with that statement. Yes, some people who commit suicide will not tell anyone but also if someone is asking for help or saying that they intend to kill themselves they can still end up killing themselves. Fact.

sayithowitis · 04/12/2011 10:37

There is nowhere in the Ops posts to suggest that her exP has ever threatened or used the threat of suicide. She merely says that she was afraid he might do something like this. She did not say he forced her to sty by threatening to kill himself.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 04/12/2011 11:56

He must have done or she wouldn't have been so worried about binning this loser.

ScubaCuba · 04/12/2011 12:10

itsohsoquiet, this is not your fault. You have been emotionally blackmailed into staying with someone by his threatening to kill himself. He alone is responsible for his actions - which actually are far crueller than yours imo.

Let me tell you a sad story. My brother got together with a woman about 15 years ago. My brother is handsome, intelligent and kind - everyone loves him. About 2 years into the relationship, he decided to end it and started seeing someone else. His ex tried to take her own life. She called him, he went to hospital with her and her heart stopped 3 times as they tried to save her. She survived. And they are still together. But they have the most dysfunctional relationship I know and my brother continues to be with this woman not through love (although I believe he does love her in his own way), but because he is terrified she will try the same thing again. However much he would deny this is the case, I know it to be the truth.

My bitch of a sister said something similar to my brother as AyeSMagic said further up the thread. You do not need to be told that you have been cruel. I am sure you already feel utterly shit and guilty enough without anyone pointing it out to you. You can only be responsible for yourself. Let your ex take responsibility for his own life while you move on with yours and find the happiness you deserve. Please be kind to yourself x

cestlavielife · 04/12/2011 20:00

call 999 and let profressionals deal with him.

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