Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just want to shout and scream at my sister, so upset and angry, need to talk

41 replies

mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:44

I dont know where to start.

My sister is 6.5yrs younger than me, she has a dd 15 months and a ds 3 yrs.

We used to be so close when we were little, as we have grown up we have gotten less close as we all do. We have 'got on with our lives' so to speak. As I moved out of home, got married and had ds, 11.9 months.

My parents moved 30 miles away from us when my sis was pg with ds. She told me the other day that she felt abandoned and stressed and that my parents had never been there for her.

I must admit that I hate my parents living away from us, but we make the best of it. My sister doesnt make the best of it - she has no home phone and her mobile is either off or she doesnt answer it, Mum can never get hold of her.

I was supposed to pop over to my sisters today to see her (she lives 4 miles from me), I phoned her 20 times and she just let the phone ring. I drive over there and she says 'oh sorry,I am too ill to answer phone'

Dont know what to do, feeling like I need to shake her.
Hope I make sense as I am just wanting to cry.

OP posts:
beansprout · 06/01/2006 15:47

I'm sorry you are so upset but I'm not sure what she has done. If she refuses to answer her phone you don't actually have to drive over there on the off chance she is in.

Are you worried about her? Do you feel she is not coping or something?

My parents live 80 miles away and my brother is 200 miles away. I don't expect anything from them and don't get anything either!!! Parents are not the only people who support you.

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:51

Sorry, not making much sense. Was supposed to pop over yesterday as I hadnt seen her all xmas, but she text me saying her ds was ill.
So I text back saying fine, no probs, see you tomorrow or at weekend.
Phoned her today to see if her ds was ok and she didnt amswer phone.
So, silly me, I worry.
She hasnt been coping, she says she has been on anti deppressents (sp) and she has lost some of her hair.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:52

I am wanting to cry, holding it in. Am wanting to help her, feel useless

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 06/01/2006 15:52

She sounds, from reading your post, that she is quite down. Is it possible that she is suffering from depression? admittendly I'm making a huge assumption purely based on the fact that she doesn't feel up to answering the phone and has a lot of pent up anger/frustration/sadness

eefs · 06/01/2006 15:52

I'm not sure why you are so upset - not being sarcastic but the actual reason for your upset is just not clear from your OP.
Is it because you had to go to a lot of effort as your sister wouldn't answer the phone? Because she says she feels abandoned but doesn't make it easy to give her support by being so hard to contact?
Do you think she is depressed?

mummytosteven · 06/01/2006 15:54

First thought that came to my mind was to say - is your sister depressed - on reading your post. Clearly she is. What is her partner's role in the situation, or is she a single mum?

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:54

Not upset that I have to make effort, just upset that she doesnt help herself

OP posts:
Mercy · 06/01/2006 15:54

Are you able to get to her house quite easily? How do you feel about turning up unannounced?

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:56

Her partner is a waste of space. He has left her twice and I dont trust him. I have never told her this. He is lazy and doesnt help with kids

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 06/01/2006 15:57

She is upset because her sister isnt being co-operative. By not answering her phone she gets attention and has you driving over there to see if everything is okay.
Also you think your sister may be depressed and you want to help but don't know how? Is this correct?

I;m with you on the phone thing, My MOTHER has no house phone, just a mobile, she keeps it with her at all times, we call her and it rings and rings and rings... my sister actually frove 5 miles to her house one day as she hadn't answered her phone, all my mum said was "I didn't want to"

mummytosteven · 06/01/2006 15:57

Or more to the point, is your sister OK if you turn up unannounced? Other thing that occurs to me is that the hair loss could possibly be a symptom of an underactive thyroid (which can also cause low mood/tiredness etc).

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:58

thanks firefly, this is correct.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 06/01/2006 15:58

she drove 5 miles

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 15:59

Have never turned up un announced. She lost her hair when she was 14. And it grew back, now she is losing it again.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 06/01/2006 16:00

was there a reason she lost her hair when she was 14?

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 16:00

She is very thin, could this be under active tyhroid?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 16:01

No one knows why she lost her hair.

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 06/01/2006 16:01

She sounds depressed from what you've said.. also if she is very thin and losing her hair - could she have an eating disorder?

beansprout · 06/01/2006 16:02

that would be an over active thyroid but yes, that can cause weight loss.

XmasPud · 06/01/2006 16:02

this isn?t really about today and the phone call thing is it? Sounds like it runs a lot deeper to me. It is hard when people seem to call out for support but then are off hand or reject it when you offer it up. My gran is like this - desperate for us all to visit (very lonely lady and suffering depression) but seems unable/unwilling to help herself. She is often ofhand to the point of rude and unappreciative if we do visit. I live over 300 miles from her and rushed up after one distressing call from her saying how ill and down she felt. When I rushed up the next day, taking time off work then (few years ago now), she didn?t seem in the slightest bit bothered whether I was there or not. Not that much physically wrong, yet didn?t even offer a cuppa..I guess that depression can make some people so insular that they cut themselves off from those around them. Just unfortunate that it is often the very time that they would benefit from having hteir friends and family support them.
Have you told your sister how you feel? I would tell her that you want to be there for her but find it hard when she seems to cut you off all the time and not acknowledge your calls. If she is on anti depressants, hopefully a GP is aware and managing her present health problems.
It is tough, hang in there and try to stick with it - sounds like she needs a big sister who can shoulder this and stay by her, even if she doesn?t know it xx

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 16:03

I dont know. I am scared that she has an eating disorder. Cant ever talk to her about it, never see her, her partner or kids are there. Was hoping to go out one night for a drink just me and her, to really talk.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 16:06

thanks xmaspud, that helps. Think she does know that I am here, found an old birthday card in the attic at weekend from her last year - it was a slushy card saying how much she loved me, and I cried. Am getting tearful now

It does run deeper

OP posts:
SleepyJess · 06/01/2006 16:09

Why not just turn up unannounced with the kids one day? In fact make a habit of it.. she is your sister after all. You can get close again. My sister and I were never close as kids.. but are now even though she often infuriates me! My sister suffers from depression (this is not why she infuriates me) and I don't wait for invitations or her to stick to arrangements - I just go. 4 miles is nothing is it? In fact, your parents aren't that far away are they? 30 miles is not far.. I do more than that per day on the school run

Original poster
mumfor1sttime · 06/01/2006 16:12

I will try to turn up I think, good idea. 30 miles is nothing, I agree. But you have to know my mum too.
She has had breast cancer and now she has a failing liver. she tends to feel sorry for herself too and without sounding harsh she would rather sit in the house than venture out of it.
Dont think this is helping the situation.

OP posts:
SleepyJess · 06/01/2006 16:13

(sorry didn't mean to be abrupt then.. DS arrived home from school in taxi and I posted sooner than I intended to.. and now can't remember what else I was going to say!!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread