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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Young mum just found out she was abused sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally abused as a child by all her family.

41 replies

barclays · 27/11/2011 15:27

Hello mums.

I'm going through hell at the moment. I took all the prescribed tablets the doctor gave me in one night. I feel i can't cope, no one understands. I've stopped eating ad relying on alcohol. I have no one in my life apart from my children and husand. The flashbacks and pictures have been a complete shock, I don't want to tell the doctor incase they take my kids away but I just want to die. I cannot believe my moter, father, brother and other family memebers done this to me. I just feel do disgusting. My life is a mess, I have so much sadness I can't even explain. I wish/hope someone can tell me things can't get any worse. :(

OP posts:
Gigondas · 27/11/2011 15:31

I didn't want to leave this unanswered- is there anyone you can talk to
(your husband)? Has any counselling or
Support been offered to you?
Also I very much doubt anyone is going to take your children away on basis of things that happened to you in past.

I hope one of the many lovely and brave people who I know are on here who can help.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 15:37

Hello Gigonas. Thank you for replying to me. I phoned a counselor and they have been really nice. I found out that the abuse has been so bad I've been refered to a psychatrist. I love my family, i fell out with them and always hoped we would talk again but now I know I've lost them forever. x

OP posts:
WhoWhoWhoWho · 27/11/2011 15:42

So sorry you are having a tough time barclays.

You have a new family now, take love and strength from your husband and dcs and be kind to yourself.

Have you just taken the tablets this afternoon? You may need medical attention. No one will take away your dcs, you need help and you are already seeking it out going to a counsellor/psychiatrist.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 15:48

Thank you for your kindness Who, I took them last night and couldn't believe I woke this morning. Life is just so dark. I knew my mum and dad were bad but i just can't beleieve what they done to me over 19 years. Since having my daughter this year thats when the images started to come into my head xxx

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 27/11/2011 15:50

I'm so sorry that you're going through this barclays. You probably know this already but you can find support through Rape Crisis UK. They have a freephone helpline too: 0808 802 9999 (open between 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm).

Sending you strength over the airwaves

Gigondas · 27/11/2011 15:50

Who is right- what happened to you in past need not mean your family life cannot be happy loving and fulfilled. Is it a psychiatrist or psychotherapist you Are seeing?

Agree that taking your meds and trying to go on with help that you have been offered is probabbly best help. It may take time and care but it is possible with the right help to be able to contain the hurt and feelings you have .

Gigondas · 27/11/2011 15:53

It's not surprising that becoming a mother may have triggered all this- also sending you support when you are feeling so dark.

tb · 27/11/2011 15:55

Barclays, so sorry to hear this. I went a little weird when dd was 2 - about the age I was when first abused - although, in my defence, it might have been due to my thyroid packing up in a big way at the same time.

Hope you don't have too long to wait for psychotherapy. There is a site called 'napacs' not sure if it's an 'org' or a 'co.uk' one. You might find something on there that helps.

Good luck and take care of yourself. Please don't take loads of tablets and alcohol at the same time.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 15:56

I cant imagine what you must be feeling like, but dont punish yourself, and dont punish your husband and daughter by any drastic actions. Life WILL get better and the love of your husband and daughter will get you through it. Nobody will take your little girl away, please dont worry about that.

I dont think things can get any worse now, and it will take time for it to heal, but it will get better and you will overcome it. x

Freakyfroggie · 27/11/2011 15:56

Oh barclays, I couldn't read and run. You can change things and take pride that you are giving your dc a better childhood than you had. I know it is easy for me to say and hard for you to do but take strength from your dh and make your own family a family filled with love and happiness. Counselling will definitely help and please know that you did nothing wrong and not everyone is bad and you can survive without those that did this to you.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 15:58

Hi prolesworth/Gigondas. I was given the leflet for Rape Crisis from my health visitor (someone my mother told me never to trust), they have been amazing. The doctor says it's a psychiatrist i've to see, i'm still waiting on the appointment, hopefully it will come soon. I just can't see a happy, loving and fulfilled life at the moment but I'm hoping one day that it will come:(

OP posts:
Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 16:01

Thank you everyone. To be honest, I know this is a bit strange but you are all giving me the strength to feel and get better. All my love B

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 27/11/2011 17:00

I'm very worried that you've taken all those tablets in one go. Please please ring NHS Direct AT THE VERY LEAST or 999 if you think you need to.

Be strong - I know it's hard but there are people who love you.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 17:12

Thank you Rinestone. I'm being honest but I wish I never woke up this morning. I can't even explain the hurt, disgust and shame I feel for myself. I feel like a magnet as I seem to attract people who want to hurt and abuse me in so many different ways. I can't even say NO, what kind of pathetic person can't even stand up for themselves :(

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 27/11/2011 17:19

Right, listen to me. You are NOT disgusting, shameful of pathetic. You were abused as a child - it was NOT your fault and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. Nothing. You really need to look yourself in the mirror and say 'It wasn't my fault' again and again until you believe it.

Please hang in there until you get the counselling and don't you dare do anything that will mean your lovely DC grow up without their mum. They love you and need you.

Now please get some medical attention, I'm very concerned about you.

Freakyfroggie · 27/11/2011 17:25

Please listen to Rhinestone. Today is day 1, take your life back. Say no if you want to and only do things that benefit you and your family. You can do this, look at your dc and let your desire to protect them take over any negative feelings you have about yourself.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 17:27

I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow, just don't want to tell her incase they take my daughter from me. I know I need help but how can I possibly explain, the doctor will take my family away :(

OP posts:
catsareevil · 27/11/2011 17:28

If you took an OD last night you should get checked out. In most areas it is normal for people who have taken an OD to be seen by someone from psychiatric services, so it could at the very least speed things up for yu a bit rather than waiting on your appointment.

Removing children is a last resort and only done if they are at risk. If you dont tell people how you are really feeling then you make it harder for people to help you.

Rhinestone · 27/11/2011 17:31

Oh sweetheart, I really don't think the doctor will do that. Hopefully someone with an SS background will be along to reassure you but you MUST get the help you need. You are worth it you know, to coin the L'Oreal slogan!

Glad you're seeing the doctor. Please tell your DH too, can you take him with you?

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 17:38

My husbands coming with me tomorrow. He doesn't know what I done last night but will explain all to him and the doctor tomorrow. I've just had enough, I want to get better but always thought telling ayone would result in my famliy getting taken from me. I really don't have anyone or anything in my life, i'm frightened of being alone, which i thought I always would be :(

OP posts:
perplexedpirate · 27/11/2011 17:41

There is absolutely nothing "pathetic" about being a survivor of abuse. You're here, you've got a loving dh and children; that takes a hell of a lot of strength. Getting help takes strength too, but you can totally do it, look at what you've achieved so far!

lovecat · 27/11/2011 17:44

Please, please get yourself checked out, taking an OD can have underlying effects that don't necessarily show themselves at first.

Good that you're seeng the doctor tomorrow.

Does your DH know about this? Can you tell him? You were a child, the people who were supposed to love you and protect you abused your trust horribly, this was NOT your fault. I'm not surprised that becoming a mother has triggered this, although I knew about my abuse and thought I'd dealt with it, it wasn't til I had DD that things became 'real' to me, iyswim - kind of 'how could you do that to your own child?'

Anyway, good luck for tomorrow but please if you can face it, ring NHS direct and ask them about potential side-effects from an overdose of your meds. Thinking of you.

HedleyLamarr · 27/11/2011 17:46

Hi OP. Abuse is never the child's fault. Please do not think of yourself as disgusting, you are not. If you can't tell your doctor, print this thread out and give it to her/him. Your doctor will not take your children away. Good luck, and have a nice big hug!

PoppadumPreach · 27/11/2011 17:48

i am so sorry you are going through this but, as has been said before, it WILL get better but it will take time.

if you can, shut off the little voice in your head saying there is nothing worth living for, instead think about your DH and DC and try to make decisions to help them (as i think things that help them now will help you in the long term)

there will be dark days and hard days but afterward, there will be good days and oone day, you will find yourself quietly smiling and even possibly feeling a little bit happy. it will happen.

Original poster
barclays · 27/11/2011 17:50

Hi perplexedpirate, thank you for the comment. Everything people have said tonight is making me more determind to seek more help and tell the doctor exactly how I am feeling. I'm starting to understand that I shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed, I'm still nervous incase they take my child but I need to think about me and how bad I feel. The only way I will get better is if the doctor knows how I feel. xxx

OP posts: