The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

Hi all just popping in to say that I am still alive and thanks for the kind messages /advice (and to SaF for the PM, which I have just sent a lengthy and probably largely incomprehensible reply to).

Am managing OK this end, largely by keeping very busy and by retiring to bed earlier than usual (am home along this week). From experience this is an effective "staving off" strategy but something will give sooner or later so I do need to put my thinking cap on /consider the GP option. From experience, two days lying in a darkened room would probably do a lot of good, but the chances of that happening in the short to medium term are approximately nil, I suspect. so: early nights for me. On the bright side, have managed to stick to the no drinking rule so far this week.....

The key to the running is to start off really slowly and to build it up over a good few weeks, SSM. Have a look at some of the Couch to 5K plans like this one; they usually alternate walking and short burst of running at the start. The red, sweaty face is kind of inevitable though, I'm afraid. Especially if you have crappy Irish skin like mine. My solution is just not to look in the mirror for a while afterwards. :)

Last night...bleh. We're skint. Very skint. I'm the main breadwinner, I pay 90% of the bills, and DH is doing fuck all to change the situation. I'm fed up of it all. I know I'm not being fair, but sweet jesus man, sort yourself out. Sorry.

Glad you're doing ok, legal. Lots of early nights sound like a good strategy.

What's the GP option?

SAF!!!! Norty! Fairemuff indeed! This is a family thread, isn't it?

Theala - sound to me like you need to have a chat with him and let him know EXACTLY how it is. Why are you the only one with this burden? Does he work? Please tell him how this is making you feel xx

Legal - I'm pleased to see you post but sorry to hear things aren't so great when you're alone . Early nights are a good idea and don't forget us! We can keep you company too xx

GP as in go and see the GP. But reading your post, I think it could more usefully be "Grand Plan", meaning that I have to make one . I will add it to my "to do" list under "survive birthday party" "pack for holiday" and "Xmas shopping" .....

Saf no, no, no, no, no! That would have to be haireymuff

He does work but only makes minimum wage, which is not really his fault. However, I had worked out a plan to reduce my our tax burden, but because he didn't pull his finger out and get the papers done in time, when I first talked to him about it, it's unlikely to happen this year, which will mean that I'll have to pay a few thousand more in tax. Also, he smokes dope all day every day and doesn't seem inclined to even try to stop. Rarrrr.
I am being unfair because he does other stuff to make up for the fact that he doesn't contribute as much financially - he does all the work on the house and has just finished making us a new dining table, for example - but a new dining table is not going to pay my bills.

Theala - Also, he smokes dope all day every day and doesn't seem inclined to even try to stop. Rarrrr.

and this - I am being unfair because he does other stuff to make up for the fact that he doesn't contribute as much financially - he does all the work on the house and has just finished making us a new dining table, for example - but a new dining table is not going to pay my bills.

as you rightly say will NOT HELP with the most desperate part of all this which iw your immediate need to have some more money coming in.

So, let me get this right, he smokes dope, all day, every day, yes? Why on earth would you think he would pull his finger out about anything???

Seriously, I admire your stamina to carry on letting him be like this. You need to take control here sweets. He is living the life of Riley and thoroughly enjoying himself.

New furniture still costs money to build, okay it's cheaper than buying maybe but still.

He needs to man the fuck up here!

I know, Mouse, I know. Thing is, he very rarely seems stoned, but obviously he must be. And I don't think he's enjoying himself. He's very often in pain (bad back, tendinitis in both elbows, crap knees etc.) and says he smokes to alleviate that pain, but he also acknowledges that he's completely addicted. I don't know what to do about it though, as we've discussed him cutting down or giving up loads of times and he's still not done it. I'm wary of giving him an ultimatum, because obviously I'd have to be prepared to carry it through. :(

also worried by you calling them 'my bills' theala. your bills? no magic answers but at least in your head and language you need to be a bit more fair/realistic about it. who's bills are they?

oh and i am drinking a glass of stout of all things it's what was in the house left over from steak and stout pie and stuff bought in for my sister at the wkd.

i really felt the need for a drink. emotional fuckwit weeping over all sorts of stuff today.

even had a bizarre reliving of grief for someone who died when i was a teen.

i am emotionally very leaky at the minute.

will try not to overdrink but i just gave in to the need for this one. i know i'm rubbish but the getting through and not drowning seems more important than the not drinking at the minute. i can't bring myself to care

apologies for my terrible language btw - it's all the cuts and spin going on at the minute bringing out my inner ranting lunatic.

I bought the house when I was single. And DH is really my DP, as we are not married (I just really hate the term "partner" :)) so it's actually all mine. I pay the mortgage, the council tax bill, and all the other utilities, except the car insurance, and his own mobile bill, which he pays. He also pays back a loan he took out before I met him. So ultimately the bills are my responsibility. He said last night he'd pay the house insurance (that bill arrived yesterday and provoked my meltdown) as I can't afford to, however.

He can't actually afford to contribute more unless he gives up smoking (fags as well as dope). But obviously he's addicted.
And if I was single, I wouldn't be any better off financially, as I would still have to pay all the bills myself.
So.

Shite, sorry to land all this on you guys.

Aww, SAF, are you OK? Stupid question... Rant away if it makes you feel better. The economy/cuts/politics etc at the moment makes me fume too. Not a good time to be battling the booze and sorting yourself out. Hope you're OK. Try not to drink too much (think how you'll feel tomorrow) but if you are going to have one then enjoy it and don't beat yourself up about it.

Theala that's a difficult situation. You mentioned an ultimatum. Have you thought about giving him one (an ultimatum...)

Theala - my XP was addicted to weed. He was the violent one, the one who broke more than my heart but one thing that all smokers have in common, is paranoia and I wonder if your DH suffers with that as well?

Don't apologise for landing anything on us, we're here to help, okay?

So, what does he do for work? Is he classed as disabled? Do you get working tax credits?

If he lives there, your house or not, then he has to contribute surely?

Saf - just mwahs xx

Hello LLM (lovely lovely mum)

How are things with you?

Aww, hello Mouse Shit, I hope you were saying hello to me...

I'm OK thanks. And I don't think I've said that, and meant it, for a long time. Am on day 4 and it's about this time that I usually cave in (if not before). Gagging for a drink but am going to TRY and hold off until Friday. The good thing is that I don't feel like I NEED one. Last week was a completely different matter. I'm so up and down with everything. Emotionally volatile as they say.

How are you today? How is the pain? Nemo? Builders/plumbers? I hated it when we had work done on our house. How are you handling it? You sound quite assertive though (in a good way :)) so maybe you don't feel like a stranger in your own home, like I used to.

I hope SAF and Theala are OK...life is shit sometimes isn't it? Sounds like you've had more than your share of tough times. It's got to get better hasn't it?

Hi All, thela I hate dope smoking even more than drinking you have my sympathies, I think anyone would struggle to get anywhere in life if they smoked all day, must make you very

Yes, I meant you, you narna!

I'm not so great pain wise, DH is away until about 8.30pm so I'm solo bathing Nemo who is still full of a cold, cough and unsettled.

DH has him bed with him last night so I slept in Nemo's bed, not great with my back problems. I might treat myself to a nice warm bath once DH is home.

Isn't it nice when you can say, but more importantly mean, you really are okay? The emotional roller-coaster is such hard work, so hard to deal with even the day to day stuff, never mind trying not to drink, you know?!

You should be very proud of yourself. You're a different lady to the one I met a while ago, and I love the new you xx

i'm so sorry theala but i have to say taht all of that screams cocklodger. maybe he is lovely, maybe he really does add to your life and you love him but please don't couch reality in language that denies reality - he lives in your house whether he pays it or not the mortgage, bills, insurance etc are his responsibility too. you're not his mum. you may choose to be fine with him not contributing but stick with mental reality none the less. he is an adult living off of you. not saying you should stop that but don't pretend he's doing you a favour if he pays a bill x sorry if that sounds harsh

Thanks guys. We're fighting again this evening. Oh joy oh happiness. Saf, I just looked up the definition of cocklodger. Might as well have a picture of the guy I'm living with, really. Fuck.
Sorry, talk tomorrow. xxx

evening - not too boingy here, sorry, im about to be totally me, me, me - turns out my dm is in deed ill, she has had biopsy yesterday, (she is early 70s so not old enough to need me physically but old enough to need my mental support iyswim?) various other tests etc ect, its strange, but i have had a 'feeling' that she hasnt been 'right' for a few months now and despite my asking, and like mother like daughter i suppose, the daft old bat has been self medicating with booze she is frightened to death, my poor old df is at a loss as regards what to do (dm is a very 'difficult' woman at times) - we have various other family crap going on, not falling out or anything like that, its all to do with business (my dbs) money and the severe lack of it, my holiday seems like a very long time ago right now! sorry for the moan, not about to pick up a drink or anything, just needed to get it out really!

gahhhh!!!

wanders off muttering darkly about the economy and sick relatives and waster boyfriends and baliffs and builders and snotty noses and all the other crap us lovely babes deal with! actually, thinking about it, we are pretty fantastic really, other threads where all that lot is discussed involve a load symbols, us clever old sticks dont need em! (smug cow symbol might be a good one though! )

checking in and reading back