The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

Yes, 'fraid so

I don't know if I'm in the crap with dh too as I was hiding vodka last night - I don't know if he knows. He probably does, doesn't he!

Scoundrel he may well know. But that is done. You can't do anything about yesterday. Just concentrate on today. Do you think you will get through the day ok or might you be tempted later x

MrsM sometimes the only thing that stops me drinking during the day is knowing that I will be driving later. At the moment I am attempting to moderate my drinks so I will start as late as I feel I can and try to limit my drinks. I'm only doing this over xmas. In the New Year I will go back to much more occasional drinking. I find it so much easier just to have none at all.

I'll be fine today, I never drink with a hangover. Tomorrow should be ok because I'll be focussed on not feeling crap on christmas eve when we're driving to relatives and christmas itself will be easy because they're not much into drinking and opportunities to sneak off will be thin on the ground.

Do you think I should talk to dh about it or keep schtum and hope he didn't notice?

Btw - he fell asleep at about 8pm and didn't wake up until i got into bed so I may have got away with it.

just saying hi.......whizzes out again.

Scoundrel only you can decide whether you want to talk to him about it. Do you not drink in front of him at all usually? Are you trying to make him believe that you don't drink. Sorry for the questions, just trying to understand your situation at the moment.

No, never drink in front of him at all. Haven't done for about three years. Been in AA for nine months but been secretly drinking for the last three. God, it's awful isn't it?

He's due home from work any minute now and I think I'll judge from his mood whether or not I need to have a chat with him about it.

Let us know how you get on Scoundrel. It must be tough trying to cope and keeping it all to yourself too. Keep posting. A problem shared and all that. Did something happen to trigger your drinking again 3 months ago? x

welcome MrsM - avoid the guy like the plague - seriously - all manner of alarm bells going off for me there (i did counsellor training) - it's all very dodge. sorry. but welcome

i just amazed myself by doing something really, really positive. i finally called the local hospice and asked to talk to someone in the OT dept and said about being interested in retraining as an OT (always let confidence issues talk me out of this one) and wanted some voluntary experience, we chatted and i said i didn't think i'd get on the course, she got me to explain why i wanted to be an OT and how it related to my teaching and counselling background and said, 'there you go, you just got on the course' it's made me think that maybe she's right - maybe i would be a good catch for the course.

anyho. that's my positive for the day.

oh and ds who was heartbroken at the idea of going to GP's but agreed to go shopping with them for my present this morning has apparently announced to them that he is sleeping there tonight because his cousins are over - contrary little bugger

essentially i just gained a guilt free day to myself and so far i've done good stuff with it.

however i am drinking. beer. silver i may have to join you in hte post christmas geton the case thing because it's too much to try now.

hope everyone is feeling 'ready' for the christmas chaos.

I can't remember tbh! I've had a horrible year - my 14 (almost 15) year old daughter has been an absolutely NIGHTMARE. Not just ordinary teenaged antics, we've had overdoses, school refusal (ongoing), disappearing acts for several days... I could go on. I lost my mum three years ago (dad died long ago) and I don't think I've properly dealt with it because I drank through the whole thing. I'm not trying to make excuses but just to give you a bit of a picture. My dh is a saint to have put up with me. I don't drink daily but it has gone up to about two or three times a week in the last month and it really needs to stop. I've had enough!

It's probably worth mentioning something that happened last week at the last meeting I went to. I heard a bloke tell his friend that he had shagged me. This is actually true but it happened 20 years ago and it was a one off. He was a nasty bastard back then and it seems he still is. I don't think he knew I heard him and I was bloody furious because it seemed malicious and unnecessary. I left that meeting wondering why the hell I was making myself keep that kind of company. I haven't actually spoken to this bloke within the AA context but I've come across a good few people that I haven't liked at meetings.

Maybe I need a bit of MIFLAW style tough love?

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Just checking in to say hello to the new posters and welcome back to those who fell spectacularly off the Bus and are back on board today.

Christmas has changed big time for me this year, all in the space of 2 hours.

So, we will be celebrating Christmas here, just the four of us or may the PIL as well. Who knows........

Nemo is still very poorly, we managed to stay out of hospital last night but I had to be up nursing him throughout the wee small hours.

I've seen my own GP this morning who has advised against messing with my meds (even though the neurologist said 60mg was blamed for heart irregularities) and has put me back on to the does of Citalopram that I was, plus the Amitriptyline at night.

So, here comes another way of utter shitness whilst my body re-adjusts to the additional meds.

Hopefully, by New Year's Eve when we go to see friends, I will have settled back into a familiar pattern again.

Saf - your night with DS is just what he needed. He loves you unconditionally, every single day and you'll always be his mum no matter what. He needs and accepts you, just as you are. Good, bad or ugly otherwise. Just get through an hour at a time. Do what you can, when you can.

Huge mwahs to you, lovely lady xx

Scoundrel - Btw - he fell asleep at about 8pm and didn't wake up until i got into bed so I may have got away with it

Is that a good thing then? As others have said, it's up to you.

MsGee - thinking of you as always. xx

Ma - how are things today? How's DD2's voice? Is she better?

Faire - thinks okay with you? You ready for Christmas?

Hi Mouse

No, I know it's not a good thing but it would cause less ructions if I have got away with it and I really don't want the applecart being upset three days before christmas. I know it's not honest but if I can get back with the programme and sort myself out without upsetting him I think it would be easier.

Saf does that mean you really are on the course then? How fab!

Scoundrel what would MIFLAW say? Probably something like 'are you going to let one unimportant person who has his own problems to deal with dictate whether or not you drink? Change meetings, make the effort, be the person you want to be'. Actually that wasn't very tough really was it

Mouse I'm getting there. Just got to finish pinning ds into his father christmas outfit then I'm off to face the supermarket. Hope Nemo takes a turn for the better soon. Are you staying home because he's poorly?

Noteven are you checking in today?

Thanks Fairstive You're right, of course, about not letting one twerp get in the way of my recovery.

Dh is home, he seems chirpy enough so I'm not going to rock the boat today. I will talk to him at some stage but I think I should wait until I have a bit of sober time behind me so that my actions can speak for me to some extent.

no! it doesn't mean i'm on the course at all! it means that this woman, an OT, reckons if she heard me say that at an interview she would snatch me up because my reasons and understanding of what an OT should aim to be are exactly right - i've got it in her book. it' just a bit of encouragement that i probably really needed.

mouse what happened - has sil had baby or ????

mwah faire - you're always.... ace x

Faire - we're staying at home because Nemo is poorly, my MIL is ill today and my SIL is about to have a baby, as I type. We were going to stay with them on Christmas day/Boxing day but the last thing I should imagine they want is guests with a poorly child in tow! Not that we'd go with a poorly Nemo, that's not fair on anyone.

I think that's what's taking the edge off Christmas, the fact that we've all been waiting to see if the plans would change. The baby is earlier, 14 days early but I'm sure everything will be just fine.

So, we're staying here for Christmas day, and will arrange a 2nd Christmas day celebration once everything has settled.

It's funny because we've always had 2 Christmases and this was going to be the first year that we'd decided not to bother

Ah well, the best laid plans of Mice and Men

Sorry that Nemo is poorly, Mouse. I hope he perks up a bit by sunday!

Saf - good luck with the OT course, I hope the real interviewers like you as much as the woman at the hospice

baby will be fine - ds was 21 days early and fine - other than low blood sugar and having the hell pricked out of his heels for 5 days whilst i climbed the walls and dreamed of running away with him in the night

OT course is pie in the sky scoundrel. we'll see. but it's a first step and an encouraging one.

mouse - will call you in a bit - xx

Scoundrel - i would think he would have smelt it on you - if you've abstained for a long time and he hadn't had a drink, i think it would be pretty obvious to him . BUT if he hasn't brought it up let it lie and as you say, talk to him when you've been sober again for a while - and remember you stayed sober for SIX MONTHS and that is awesome

Last minute shopping done - DM home tomorrow afternoon - we've made her room lovely - full of fairy lights

Scoundrel - i would think he would have smelt it on you - if you've abstained for a long time and he hadn't had a drink, i think it would be pretty obvious to him . BUT if he hasn't brought it up let it lie and as you say, talk to him when you've been sober again for a while - and remember you stayed sober for SIX MONTHS and that is awesome

Last minute shopping done - DM home tomorrow afternoon - we've made her room lovely - full of fairy lights

oops

Saf - coolio re the call xx

Silver - I'm pleased that you've got the room looking homely and festive. How are you holding up? Do you need anything? I know I'm miles away but please ask, okay? xx

boing!!

you sound good today saf!! its nice to hear!

welcome mrs m, and hello again scroundrel, nice to have you back!

i feel rotten, streamy eyes etc, flushed cheeks, i look a wreak - went into town and finished the present shopping, had a barny in tkmaxx when a woman nearly pushed me over in her effort to get to the front of the queue , she stepped on my new birthday boots (she took her life in her hands when she did THAT!!!) (absolutly fab studded biker boots) and elbowed me in the chin!!!! i nearly decked her!! got home, felt awful, went to lie on bed for a bit, when i got up the fucking cat was curled up AND CLAWING my LV leopard print scarf!!! ok, rant over, off to get a lemsip! (sorry, im worse that pathetic when im ill, never have been brave!!)

come down with a bit of a bump. think i overestimated my 'feel a bit better' moment and then totally overdid it. now stuck to sofa with throbbing head and bleurgh. oh well.

might actually just try and sleep.

hope you're feelin a bit better for your lemsip jesus.