The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

morning. having difficulty walking today my brain can't seem to process space very well so door frames, edges of stairs etc are proving challenging. my brain is scrambled basically. still dizzy and nauseous but the frantic everything must end or i will explode edge has gone off of things thankfully

my mum just texted saying can ds come home today. i know it's awful but i don't want him to. i'm sure he'd be better off there and i can't imagine being able to cook a meal for him or anything even practically useful let alone emotionally useful. but if i say no she'll be really pissed off because even though my dad kept saying how he'd be fine having him this afternoon and it was no trouble she's doing something and wants him gone i guess.

it's bloody hard work when the monkey is telling you one thing and is perfectly ok with things but the self appointed organ grinder wants to take control even though they're not effected because it's their monkey and should only live to serve their needs and commands.

there's a nutty post then.

sorry me me and moan moan.

i do feel slightly better but i still feel really drugged up and out of it. am i just being selfish? should i have him home?

sorry all unrelated to this thread - sorry i dump everything on you all.

wish i could be there for you mouse - and sorry for being so selfish when you've got the mri worry - i have everything crossed for you my love x

hi all

saf don't think you should have DS home while you are "really drugged up and out of it" - doesn't sound like a good idea for either you or DS
silver macmillan nurses are wonderful. So glad you will have mum home for Christmas. Try and savour every possible moment - my thoughts are with you.
Hi to everyone else

Would you all mind terribly if I joined you?...

I'm feeling a bit low about my drinking and would really like to cut down and get back in control again.

I have great admiration for you all, doing the best you can and would just like a safe place to be able to tell the truth about how it is for me.

I've always drunk regularly (since I was a teenager) and quite heavily but have been drinking up to a bottle of white wine (sometimes half, sometimes three-quarters) every evening with no nights off for ages now. The last alcohol-free day that I had was in August. Until last night.

I'm really worried about my liver. My Dad was an alcoholic (and they say it runs in families) and died in his sixties of liver failure. Recently I've been noticing that there's a funny/ fruity/ musty smell when I go the the loo. A qoogle search reveals that a musty smell can be indicative of liver disease. I was so worried, I went straight to see the GP today and told her about this smell. I also mentioned that for a few weeks now, I have a funny sensation as if I am about to go down with a UTI but, actually, it hasn't developed into anything.

The GP did a urine test and said that I was all clear of any infection and of any serious liver problems and that these symptoms are very probably the early days of the menopause (I'm 45 and my periods have been getting very erratic for a while - 21 days/ 72 days). She said that bladders can be irritated by "bladder irritants such as fizzy drinks and alcohol" and that I should cut them out for a period of two weeks and see if there is an improvement. In the meantime, she will send the urine sample away to see if there is anything in there that didn't come up on her dip-stick test. If the lab says there's nothing and I am still worried, she can do a blood test for liver function in the new year.

We have got a house full of Champagne and wine, I am going out tonight, my husband "breaks up" from work tomorrow for Christmas and we have several parties in the diary over the next couple of weeks...

I don't know what to do. The GP said to leave this period of abstinence until after Christmas but she doesn't know how much I feel that I don't really want to feel drunk or hungover. I'm so sick of it - the endless cycle.

I have to go now to take DD somewhere...

Hope it's ok if I join you...?

Thanks.

welcome on board withme i'm not much use at the minute i'm afraid but wanted to say welcome.

ma i agree with you - sent a text saying basically i was feeling like a zombie and bumping into things and stuff and had just had my latest increment change on doctors orders last night and that i honestly felt he'd be better off not here today but if he has to come back then he has to.

that was nearly an hour ago. she'll be angry, hence the silence. which leaves me feeling weird. i really didn't want to have an illness you know? i didn't 'choose' it. nor did i have any choice over going through this meds change. she's not even there this afternoon it's my dad and i know he's happy to have ds with him so i don't even understand why she is angry. i'm trying not to go into shame/guilt/bad thinking. my dad spent ten minutes reassuring me it was fine and i should do what i needed and ds was no trouble and he wanted to be able to support me. all i had to do was ask, ever etc. i pointed out i had asked twice in the preceding week and had been told no. he said he didn't know about that.

part of me wants to say look your dad said it was fine and he wanted to help and he told you not to be proud and to take the help - believe him and go with what he said rather than her. but what he says is bloody useless if he won't say it to her too iyswim.

and i'm 36 years old ffs. having to rely on my parents for help is ridiculous. but no i don't want ds here today with me zonked on the sofa trying to follow what he's saying to me when my mind is zoning in and out. i can't help that my brain is struggling right now - it's trying to process the withdrawal of one chemical and the introduction of another and in the meantime i'm trying to cope with the side effects of that brain fuddle.

i'm just rambling. i'm gonna take my dad at his word.

Saf - take your dad at his word. I know exactly how you are feeling. It's taken until now for me to stop 'falling' this morning. I couldn't hear, or see properly, my eyes kept losing focus. Maybe my new meds are doing it? Who knows.

Hope you get some support this afternoon, if all else fails, get him on a train to me xx

Off to the hospital now. Bye xx

good luck at hospital mouse.

ds is coming home in half an hour. i phoned him and he's desperate to be back with me and i can't say no! crying at the minute but gonna have to pull it together and brave face it.

he's just broken my heart on the phone because i was saying i'm not well so i can't take care of you very well so you need to stay with granddad and he kept saying, 'i can take care of you mummy' i never want him to feel that's his job bless him. my dad tried to talk him round but he was having none of it.

big girls knickers time. got to stop snivelling and sort myself out.

saf I hope you do take your dad at his word. It sounds like he is really happy to have ds, and happy to be able to help you too. It sounds like the right things to do to make sure ds is safe and content today. OK so you sense that your mother is not so pleased, well it is not your responsibility to make her happy. Take pride in making the right decision for you. And take care of yourself while you feel like this.

mouse hope all went well with MRI xx

withme welcome. I can understand whay your doctor suggested leaving your abstinence until after Christmas, it is time of so many drinking opportunities. But that's why I disagree with your doc. Assuming that you are not facing serious physical withdrawal, then the festive season is a perfect time to stop drinking. You get lots of practice at saying no, and if you mess up one time, there's always another chance coming along a few days later, when you can do it better. And similarly, it can be easier to say "no thanks" to a drink tonight because there will another opportunity to drink tomorrow (if you change your mind). Don't know if any of that makes sense??

Here are my favourite tactics for not drinking:

• before you leave eat something light and drink a glass of water or juice (so you don't arrive hungry and thirsty and down a couple of glasses quickly)'
• know beforehand what non-alcoholic drink you're going to ask for (lime and soda, cranberry and orange, take a bottle or elderflower fizz)
• know beforehand what you're going to say "I've got a bit of a headache, I'll just have an orange juice" or "I've got such a busy day tomorrow, that I'm going to start with a lime juice" or if you need to keep face amongst hardened drinkers "I've had so many hangovers this week that I need to have a night off".

You really will feel much better for not drinking. Imagine in the aftermath of next week when other people are feeling sluggish and headache and a bit rubbish, you'll be feeling brighter-eyed and more energetic. Come on and jump right in and join us. I don't think you'll regret it.

And if you do regret being sober, there's always next Christmas

noteven how are you?

x-posted saf. you've raised a lovely kind thoughtful little boy, who clearly loves you. For one day it won't matter if he watches tv and eats biscuits and crisps and an apple, or a jam sandwich.

You and he will be fine together. Big hug x (and a tissue)

Saf you will be ok. Do not try to cook for ds, he can live off sandwiches, cheese & crackers, yoghurt, fruits, etc. If you think family would do it, just ask if anyone could rustle something up for him before they leave. He will be fine. You don't have to be perfect, he doesn't need a bath everyday, just do the bare minimum for him and snuggle on the sofa with the telly on.

You are not ill as such but you are going through tremendous changes which is just as incapacitating as if you'd broken a leg or something. Bear that in mind and please don't feel bad about it. Hopefully you will be over the worst of it soon x

Hello to Withme You are very welcome here. I'm not sure how the GP expects you to abstain for 2 weeks if you've explained how much you're drinking but if you want to cut right back, we can help you. If you want to stop completely we can also help with that but you need to decide what you want. For now, I can advise delaying the first drink as long as possible, stock up on lots of yummy non-alcohol drinks with plenty of ice and fizz if you like that. Drink soft drinks as much as you can before, after and inbetween your alcoholic ones.

Mouse fingers crossed for some results they can actually help you with x

How is everyone else? Busy no doubt! Love to all x

Ah venus x post

Hope you're ok?

Hello, I'm back.

What a horrid time. They scan you using some sort of head box helmet type thing. Not so great on someone who is very claustrophobic eh? I managed the first few minutes of it and then it went very loud and shaky and I started to have a panic attack so they had to stop it and let me out so that I could calm down.

I managed to calm down and get some more morphine on board so that I was able to let them re-do that bit.

No results today but I've got a neurology appt in March so will find out then unless something is wrong. On the way home, I went to the chemist for cough mixture. The pharamacist asked what kind of cough it was, queue coughing fit . He asked how long I had had the cough, 7 weeks now. Doc said my chest was clear last time but he said that I were his patient, he'd be booking me a chest X-Ray right now.

Deep joy.

Anyway, less moaning from me.

Saf - Of course DS said that to you, he knows you so well sweetheart, and I bet he'd just sit and watch DVDs or tv if you explained to him how shitty you feel, he's a bright little chap, he'll pick up on you not being well my love. Junk food won't do any harm. I second Faire, please don't try to cook anything.

Did you go and get gas in the end yesterday? Do you have heat now?

You know where I am if you want to talk. xx

Ma - how are you sweets?

Silver - I really hope that you can get as much time as possible with your mum over the next few days, when do you finish work for the Christmas break? Sending you love and strength my friend xx

JWN - are you any better? xx

Welcome to Withme x

I've started to go off the boil again with this 'listing' feeling so I better go and feed DD before it gets too bad.

Will try to pop back later xxxx

Very quiet on here tonight. I hope you are all safe and sound out there, wherever you are tonight.

Goodnight Babes xxxxx

Evening all,

Big snogs to you too Mouse .
I hope I haven't missed you, but sweet dreams if you have gone to bed. I hope the trials of the day seep away in untroubled sleep for you tonight.

I haven't been able to read through properly, and am off to bed myself soon, but, I just wanted to send love and strength vibes to all babes going through such difficult times at the moment.

I'm at home, wrapping!! tomorrow afternoon, so will be back then.

Sleep tight babes xxxx

welcome withme
mouse I'm ok. a little stressed but who isn't? DD2 has her audition tomorrow and is still croaky with no top range. Voice coach has adjusted songs accordingly and she'll have to wing it. My lovely boss has only two days left before he leaves and I am dreading him going and apprehensive about the new boss coming in.Also my father's dementia gets worse daily. he rang here yesterday and DD2 answered the phone.The bit of the conversation I could hear went like this:
DD2 here...
DD2! (says name)....
Demented's daughter....
No, I don't work in Russia.I work in Spain.....
Spain! No, I'm not in Spain just now. I'm at home....
Home! Home with Demented......
DEMENTED! (says my name) ....
she's your daughter...
No, she doesn't live in London,that's Dementedsister....
....and so it goes on.

I also went to the docs about my palpitations and she wants me to go for an ECG and a 24 hour monitoring. she thinks it might be stress. No shit Sherlock! Got to cut down on coffee and alcohol!

Morning Babes, or is it still the middle of the night!

Good luck for DD2's audition today, Ma, here's hoping that DH didn't try to de-stress you this morning!!!

Withme, welcome, I hope that last night went as you hoped, and that you are feeling good this morning.

Have a good morning babes, and Mif if you are around.
Speak later
xxxxxx

P.s Inde Are you ok? . xxx

Mouse what a scary experience you poor old bean. I had to be scanned in one of those tube things once and I got really claustraphobic in there too! It's horrible I know.

Ma take the docs advice and get the ECG. Is it happening frequently enough to show up in a 24 hour period?

Saf hope you're managing ok today, let us know if you can.

Now I'm wondering about MsGee, Isinde and Noteven. I know we are all madly busy at the moment so hopefully we are mostly coping with (or without) the alcohol.

See ya later busy bees

i'm here. frankly yes it's all still a bit shite. but i'm 'trying' to be forgiving of myself. ds is determined he's staying here. me stuck to sofa or otherwise he wants to be here.

i'm coping hour to hour at the minute. my brain is like jelly with broken glass in it - weird analogy. still shite at judging space - going to have some nice bruises over christmas

lesson for the day for me is - it's ok to let people care about you and you should seek out the people who do care about you and let them, and then do your utmost not to feel guilty or ashamed about them caring about you.

mouse you're a star - thanks for listening to me x

very small 'boing'!!! i now have a bloody head cold, all streaming eyes and blocked up nose! ifeel grim, however, just aquick thought

today i have had a lovely pm from a longtime lurker and its made me think! when i post its usually about me and me looking for support and help and an understanding ear, i had no real idea that we, as a group of regular posters are actually helping so many other people, its made me feel kind of a responsibility to stay sober, to keep on keeping on, even when the going gets so fucking tough that i could howl for the want of a drink. this is such a dangerous time of year for us, everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives, knocking back the mulled wine and the bloody egg-nog (boak) that it seems we are 'missing out', when in fact, we have it all!! we are sober, in control and facing what ever we have to face with a clear head!

so brave babes, feel good about yourselves, you are helping more babes than we have any idea about! i couldnt do it without you all and it seems other people couldnt either!! YOU ARE ALL FANTASTIC!!

saf - this stranger cares about you!! we will be here for as long as you need us!

Afternoon Babes

Saf - As I said to you, I'm here, any time, day or night. I'm going to hold your hand for as long as I you need me to, and after that as well. Take good care of YOU, hour by hour, I'm here to listen. xx

JWN - I'm so sorry that you have a rotten head cold. Lots of hot lemon, honey and paracetamol. Fresh air in all rooms, lots of water and Olbas oil on hankies. Soup if you're hungry and rest.

xx

Ma - fingers are well and truly crossed for your DD2 today and of course for you. Keep going my friend, sorry that you are upset about your boss leaving and struggling with you dear dad. Dementia is such a debilitating disease. xx

Thurso - last night was awful. Nemo spiked a temp every few hours and was hallucinating at one point due to the fever. I managed to cool him down over half an hour and get some fluids into him so he doesn't get dehydrated. He's lay on the sofa all pale and limp. I've checked his sats so I'm just going to get him to rest.

As for me? Well, I hurt myself last night trying not to fall backwards over Nemo when I was cooking dinner. I'd have been better falling.

I've managed to get in to see my own GP tomorrow morning (which is a Christmas miracle in itself!) about this cough and my meds. I also have a mole on my leg that has changed a lot. I only noticed it last night when I removed the forest of hairs I had on my leg. Now my legs are cold

I've packed the damaged shower enclosure up and it's ready for collection, done 3 loads of washing and drying, tidied the house, sorted piles of presents to be wrapped, but the best achievement bar none has been that I managed to get hold of McFly tickets for DD for her birthday next year.

Whooooop-whooooooop!

She's going with her dad and friend, staying over in Manchester and then home the next day. Bless her, she was super excited telling me that they were for sale today at 10am. I thought we'd not stand a chance to be honest but we got them!

That's made my week.

mouse poor you and poor wee nemo - I hope you are both better today. Get that mole checked out!
Thanks for you kind words about dad but I feel a bit of a fraud - he isn't "dear" dad. The relationship has been dead for many many years. I just look after him cos I'm here and no-one else is. I pity him, but karma does have a way of biting you on the arse huh?
saf keep at it. You are doing so well.
thurso I'm safe for now - am extending my time of month as long as possible .
jesus you are right about the lurkers. I have been pm'd once or twice and I think there are a lot of lurkers out there battling on.
maybe Gerald could tow a caravan for lurkers who don't want to out themselves yet?

Ma - yes, karma is my best friend most of the time. I don't see my real father any more. Not for a number of years now. I have to say, SOFT TART ALERT!!! that my step-father is the only father I have ever really known and to me, he is exactly what a father should be. He gave me away at my wedding, my own father refused to even be there.

Families are a funny old lots aren't they?

Hello Ladies ... have had a quick scan of posts and am so sorry that you are having such rough times of it ma mouse and saf big hugs. venus hope your DD is doing ok and recovering from op?

All ok here, drinking but its slipped down the priority list of things to worry about . DD is great, work is fine, holiday was lovely and relaxing. Then nephew rushed to hospital on weekend with suspected meningitis. Luckily it wasn't and he got home last night but its been a funny old week since we got back.

The only other news is that I ate so much on holiday that I am very fat cuddly. So if anyone is in need of extra warmth or hugs, you can huddle round me.

Oh (and I love that I nearly forgot to post this). I got through my due date. It was ok. Its been tough since, thinking that I should have a newborn at home now but its done. Big milestone, gotten through.

Hmmmn, enormous fire engine just pulled up ... must investigate...

How disappointing ... firemen just turning round outside neighbours house. One of them got out for a second and was lovely. Just what I needed to make things more festive here