The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

hello you lot!

and a special hello to you isindi, i have missed you loads and its lovely to have you back! i think you can do this you know but im not going to nag you, you know what you have to lose, so, come on girl!! grit your teeth and and get on with it, you have everything to gain!

ma, i reckon you will be alright in the long run, i have been right where you are and i amazed myself in the end by coping in a way i never knew i could, it was tough and pretty shitty at times but my word, it was worth it!

venus, love to you and your dd!

sorry, im not help to anyone right now, ive got so much crap going on i cant think very straight (thank god im not mixing it all up with drinking, im very definetly in 'bender territory' right now, which would spell disaster!) all i can say today is thank god you are all here!

Hello everyone

Gosh, such a lot going on. I wish I had more time to read and post. I'd love to contribute to the fab songs - I do love a good, meaningful lyric :) That song you chose, Ma, was eerily apt, and that Donovan song made me cry after the first few lines! Love it.

Ma, you really do sound strong, and calm, and you are obviously looking forward to the future already. I know I don't know much about your situation but from what I do know you will be doing exactly the right thing. Well done you. I've been thinking about what you said the other day about drinking and going back to Day 1 and getting fed up about it. I was like this a couple of weeks ages ago. I was getting so demoralised and pissed off with myself for drinking. I found that thinking I was going back to the beginning (ie Day 1) was quite soul-destroying and I felt like a failure, all the time. I wanted to be on day 14 or day 30 or a whole year or something like some of the superstars on here. Right now, though, I have decided that I'm not going to try to abstain completely. I would like to be able to do it but I'm not going to try right now because I don't think it's the right time for me, I know I would fail. I guess I just don't want it enough if I'm being honest. So what I've started doing is not saying that I'm going back to Day 1 but I'm acknowledging every single alcohol-free day. Don't tell anyone cos it's a bit sad but every morning I write in my diary how many units I had the day before and I give myself a star if I had a sober day (just a little doodle, not a fancy, metallic sticker or anything, I'm not crazy or anything ). So when I look at the bigger picture I can see that for the last few weeks I have had no more than two drinking days each week. A couple of months ago there was absolutely no way I could even think of not drinking for five days out of seven, I couldn't even have done one . Now I can look through the past 3 weeks and say that I didn't drink for 15 out of 21 days. I know I have a long way to go before I even approach 'normal' drinking attitudes etc but this is working for me, for now. I feel positive about how well I'm doing, rather than on a complete downer every time I'm back to Day 1. And giving myself permission to drink on some days is actually preventing me from drinking as much as I would if I was trying to cut it out completely cos I know I would get obsessed with alcohol and end up drinking even more. That make sense?? I hope it doesn't sound like I'm encouraging anyone to not try to abstain completely (to be honest I think that's what I might aim for in the future if this doesn't work and I start to slip into bad habits again...) but I just don't want you to feel like a failure after every time you drink. Like Faire said, every sober day counts. Blimey, that took longer to write than I thought. Why can't I do succinct?

Jesus sorry to hear you're having a bad time. You are helping though!!

Mouse your photos are gorgeous. Your little man looks like a cheeky little monkey. Happy two year anniversary :)

Saf your walk sounds lovely. You sound good today. Hope you are. Is DS better?

Isindie hello. You sound really fed up with the drinking. You will feel better soon :)

Noteven please let us know how you got on.

isindi, you could say that about yourself too! imagine waking up without hating yourself, ready to play with the girls and do a days work? its a nice feeling and one i know you can achieve! the stress of drinking just isnt worth it, its just exhausting!! - im actually quite frightened of the thought of picking up a drink right now, i have no doubt that i would be on a tremendous bender within minutes, once i think i would have found the thought of just drinking till it all went away quite comforting, now it just terrifies me.

You're absolutely right, JWN, waking up without hating yourself and ready to face the day is the best bit about not drinking. When you're hungover you're already on the back foot and when you've got demanding/busy lives like we all seem to have, how can you have a good day when you feel like boiled shite? Thanks to Ma for the perfect description of what a hangover feels like.

The more sober days I have, the more I realise how much drinking affects me - physically, mentally, emotionally, everything. So although I am not trying to cut it out completely right now, I am hoping that's the way it's gonna go. I just need to go at my own pace otherwise I feel pressurised into doing it (although it would only be myself putting the pressure on...).

You will feel so much better tomorrow, Isinde, but you know that. I hear ya about the 6-8pm danger zone. Fingers crossed for you tonight.

so glad you've made that progress tinsel - well done

glad to hear your thinking has changed so much since you started out jwn.

i appear to be having an alcohol free day. there's none in the house and i haven't missed it till i just realised and at that point made the decision i would not go and get any.

i've had a nice day - lovely sociable dog walk, then chilling at home playing computer games and chatting online and the phone, then some housework amazingly enough and then went with a friend to buy christmas cards and chocs for ds's classmates and last little bits and pieces for his stocking before picking him up from gymnastics.

been a bit twitchy and tooth grinding and weird dizzy spells and did have to resort to taking something for the anxiety but i have coped and managed to have a nice day despite it.

now tired and finding ds really irritating (i'm so mean) but only an hour and a half or so till bedtime so it's all doable.

Another song springs to mind for all of us at one time or another. 'Lean on me'.

Isinde end up drinking every night with no bloody pleasure in it that's the irony of it isn't it. It doesn't taste good, you get as much down your neck as you can, whilst feeling guilty for even doing it, and have a hell of a day the next morning, hating yourself all the while. I find that after abstaining for a while I expect the first glass to 'hit the spot' and it never does! Unless I drink neat spirits and I definately don't want to go down that route!!

Tinselly sounds like a plan man . That's the way I do it too. Get as many sober days as I can and try to drink 'mindfully' when I do. Haven't cracked the sober socialising yet but just have to drink loads of water/soft drinks in between alkie ones. (I can recommend sober sex though - cover your ears ma).

Mouse I got a shock when you said you were going to diet for three weeks, 'cos xmas is only two weeks away matie! You might want to rethink that plan

Evening all,
I am home, safe and sound, and been looked after throughout a very tough day. I am lucky to be loved, to have been sober in time for what I had to do, and to have people thinking of me - I count you ladies in that.
I am being a little cryptic perhaps - I am sorry for that. I guess for any lurkers, alcoholism will take you progressively lower, and that grace - whatever that means for you - becomes the only way out.

Alcohol makes it all far worse. There is no situation so bad - and it's bad - that alcohol won't make it better. Details on PM to those who would like.
xx

Evening all!

I agree with what JWN said- im actually quite frightened of the thought of picking up a drink right now, i have no doubt that i would be on a tremendous bender within minutes

That for me is the main truth about alcoholism, or dependency or whatever has brought any of us to this thread.

The good news, the amazing thing, is that you can work through that to complete indiference. I know exactly where a drink would lead me, but I really don't want one, and have felt like that since I was about three months sober.

isindie I hope you're getting through this evening bit by bit.

i suspect i'd need help, not aa help for me personally, to work out my dependency issues. it's one thing or another but always needs to be something. if it turned out that bananas sucked through straws could provide me with a bit of escape i'd happily swap them for alcohol. if they sold barbituates over the counter it would be them. if standing on your head naked worked i'd go with that. if gorgeous, fascinating men were on tap sex would do etc etc.

in reality i'd suck bananas through straws whilst having naked standing on my head sex with said gorgeous men probably.

sounding seriously fucked up. ne'er mind.

if all else failed i'd eat my own body weight in carbs or go for extreme spiritual practices or get into extreme faith.

i just feel deeply uncomfortable with 'normal' i guess.

or i could be talking shite.

no alcohol today - wonder if i'll feel better for it tomorrow? not holding much hope given despite drinking every day i haven't really drank a lot.

Saf you made me choke on my dinner!

I so know what you mean though...... I'm always seeking that high, that numbness, that dulling effect. Funny how it always comes from things that are bad for you.

And nope, your not sounding fucked up. I've heard and seen a lot worse

i even went crazy on the jesus trip and joined a cult for a while. sadly all of that talk of salvation and walking in the spirit amounted to a fuck load of toilet cleaning for women whilst the men sat around being 'spiritual'.

Ditto you're not sounding fucked up- most people feel the same, many find that out of selfness through alcohol and the really lucky ones work through it.

Would it be so awful to find escape through spirituality or AA?

X posts- I see the Jesus thing didn't work for you.

AA worked for me- can I reassure that there is no service along gender lines.

I'm not being flippant.

Right, off to Bedforshire via Master Chef and a VERY VOCAL Nemo. I may have to take him into our bed and settle him there ready for DH to scoop him into his bed later.

Assuming he'll sleep!

Night night Babes, stay BRAVE! xxx

night mouse nemo is being vocal? good for him lol!
I'm ok, having a glass or two of wine but am ok and under control.
Love to all you Babes - you rock!

Night Ma, night Mouse.

Saf well if you're fucked up then so am I! Oh dear that's not going to make you feel any better . I'm always looking for something to help numb or help me escape, just to alter my thinking really. Not sure I could be arsed with the naked, standing on head, sucking bananas through straws, sex though, sounds like far too much hard work. I like the thought of extreme faith though! But how does one get to that point from being agnostic??

I don't like banana's, but the rest of it sounds ok

Hello to all you lovelies, sorry to have been away.

Major stresso at home, work busy but ok, just doing the day, I have been drinking more than I would like to but not as much as I want to

Love to all
xxx

Saf you don't sound bonkers to me (well, alright, maybe a teensy bit ). You sound like you are willing to grab onto life and run with it, to experience all of it, the lows as well as the highs. It's difficult and emotional but you'll have some stories to tell your grandchildren .

Well it's blowing a gale here tonight so I'm going to snuggle down safe in my bed and pull the duvet over my head.

Good to hear you got through day 1 Isinde. Just got to do it again tomorrow now. One day at a time x

saf and helpmenow I totally understand the escapism of alcohol (or anything else), but for me the gradual and sometimes difficult route, is the one of NOT escaping from 'self', but living with me, with all my foibles, and accepting myself, and being OK with that.

Hope everyone has a good day, some wild stormy weather around I think, but I'm hoping that each finds their own little oasis of calm somewhere - maybe in a mug of tea and a biscuit, or in stopping for a moment to look at the twinking Christmas lights.

chaos here. friends youngest is sick so is dropping off her school age one to me so that i can walk him there rather than having to park and drag sick 2yo down the hill etc. sister turned up as she had ds's bookbag in his car. supposed to have singing rehearsals for sunday's performance but can't go as friend with sick child would have driven and i can't go and make it back in time for ds's dress rehearsal in time on public transport. etc. morning all