The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

What a day! Kids go craaazy in this wind!! Got back from nativity play, had a bath, had dinner, caught up with dcs and am now ready for beddy. Night lovely babes x

Oops sorry cfc I missed you before, sorry Welcome aboard! Unfortunately I hardly ever go out so I don't think I can help you much! Stick around though and see how you get on

cfc sorry meant to reply to you too.

How often do you go out and drink like that. I think if it's every weekend then you are probably way over your weekly units. If it's once a fortnight or so that's a bit different.

Also, I am wondering, do you ever just have literally one or two drinks, say, with lunch and then stop for the day? Or is it more that once you start you don't stop until you fall over/pass out.

Sorry for all the questions, welcome aboard

Hello and thank you for my ticket!

I don't drink every weekend. I don't drink every month! I am a proper binge drinker. I will go out on long ago pre-arranged nights out, hen do, night out with girls, night out with other girls when we head 'home' etc. I look forward to them SO much and then ruin them by getting paralytic.

For example, recently there was a night out planned, lots to do during the day and the day after. I spent a fortune on hotels and activities. I go wrecked and had to go home early the following morning. I spent an obscene amount of money, talked too long to people, men etc. and ditched my friends. As a friend put it I was on a mission to drink myself to oblivion and though we studied together she'd never seen me like that.

It's like the older I get, the worse I am!

I would love to go back to the days where I drank and had so much fun and woke up the next day, yes, hanging, but I could get over it. I remembered the night before etc. Now I drink so much I rarely eat the following day, throwing up ALL day.

I know that it isn't often. But I genuinely believe that if I were able to go out more, lived closer to friends etc, I'd be a jibbering mess.

Oh, and yes, if I am not on a proper night out, I can easily take drink or leave it. It makes no odds to me.

I'm still here, didn't quite make it bed yet but just before I go I wanted to respond to you cfc as you were kind enough to answer my nosey questions.

It seems to me then that you make a mental differentiation between 'ordinary' couple of drinks type days and 'special event' occasions. Once you've convinced yourself it's a 'blow out' event it's like giving yourself permission to go mad?

If you really want to change this (so that you don't feel so ill afterwards) I am sure the babes will be able to offer some suggestions when they're back tomorrow. You obviously can drink in moderation which is something a lot of us struggle with, so there is hope for you yet.

Right I really am off now. Hope the storm blows itself out and there is not too much damage to deal with tomorrow. Sleep safe babes x

Morning all. It is quiet and calm here after the storms of yesterday, and I hope that is a metaphor for we are all feeling - calm, bright and ready to start another day without fighting, struggling and being buffeted around, just taking things one simple step at a time.

cfc it sounds as though having a drink is synonymous with letting your hair down, letting go, relaxing, having fun. It may be that in the rest of your life you have a lot of responsibilities (as do we all) money, childcare, responsibilites to the person we love, and to friends. Sometimes it feels as though even when we are not with those responsibilities we still carry them with us - who knows when we will get a call from school to pick up a sick child, or when the washing machine will break down and we will have to suddenly find some money to fix it. Maybe even the 'freedom' of a weekend away doesn't feel like freedom because we still carry all our load of responsibilites with us in our heads, or we transfer one set of responsibilities for another.

In such a situation it can be tempting to see alcohol (or other mind-altering substances) as the only way of breaking free. It maybe allows us to act as if we ARE free of responsibilities. I guess you're finding out that for you alcohol isn't the best way to achieve that, and that the consequences are not good. So maybe 2 things you could do: first develop some good strategies for not drinking when you go out (and loads of us on here can help you with that); and secondly find a healthier way of 'getting out of your head'. It may be meditation, it may be wild dancing, it may be exhilarating kite surfing, it may be writing poetry, it may be a combination of all of these things. But experience the freedom of momentarily leaving your dady-to-day responsibilites behind. you might find in all/any of these that you don't need alcohol to have fun and to have freedom and escape.

Apologies for heavy philosophy so early in the morning, but I'd encourage you do break the habit that equates alcohol with fun/freedom. Mony on here have found out how untrue that equation is.

cfc Hi, I don't really post (only a couple of times) but read the thread every day. I had the same problem with going out. I didn't go out very often but when I did I would get totally wrecked and sometimes do things I really shouldn't or totally embarass myself.

It was as if I had to make the most of a night out so just drank as much as possible.

One night I did something really stupid and the next day I decided just not to go out anymore, it just wasn't worth it. I only go out with my husband now who knows when i've had enough! I admit that I get a bit fed up sometimes but its better than totally embarassing myself or having to deal with the feelings of guilt the next day.

Just have to deal with the amount I drink in the home now though

quick Q - cfc how are your confidence levels when you go out? these are people you don't see very often - how do you compare the you you were then and the you you are now?

i'm just wondering because for some people a level of social anxiety or not feeling like they themselves are ok, interesting, comfortable etc can send them on a guzzling to get through mission.

Afternoon Babes

We're just back from the Child Development Centre meeting, to assess Nemo's education needs. Basically, he is about 12-18months behind where he 'should be', or where a child of his age would be expected to be.

I'm not upset at all, as I knew before anyone told me that this is the case. I've always known that he has GDD (Global Developmental Delay) and all I've ever wanted is the support for him that he needs to catch up.

We met his Educational Psychologist today as well, she was lovely and has said that she'll help me with all of the stages to get him a statement in place to get the support that he needs once he's in nursery full-time.

I was really pleased with how it went, I felt as though the doctor and the Ed Pych really listened to what I told them about him and next week, it will be a meeting for ALL of his team! They're going to need a mighty big room!

So, how are we all this lovely sunny Friday?

Ma - Nemo's post has arrived, we have a cassette player so can read along with the story too. Thank you so much! xxxx

Time for lunch, back in a while xx

Wrote a big post this morning, but it disappeared in a puff of computer-in-a-huff situation where it decided access was denied. To everything. Very contrary. But looking at it, most of my worst fears today turned out not to be true, and so it has taught me to trust a little more. I am now off to get my DD from school with a grateful heart and a meeting later should keep me out of trouble/ thinking/ self.

The relevant bits this morning to others were/ are...

trytryagain I remember your name but not your story, I am sorry, I will have a look later. What happened to bring you back yesterday? It sounds like drinking is not exactly pleasurable for you anymore, I have been there with you very recently and all I can say is today I am going to do anything I have to do, stand on my head in the sleet if it would help (fortunately I doubt it would but you get the idea), to not have the first drink because then I can't get into a mess. Will you join me?
And, though I am struggling to take my own advice, if you fall down 29 times, you just get up one more, right?

cfc welcome, I was a daily drinker until a year ago and since then I have had a number of spectacular binges for a day or several with horrific consequences - but I never even start out trying to be normal and sociable, so I am incredibly convinced that there is nothing about my drinking that is normal or controllable. I don't know if yours could be, but I can hear the pain and confusion in your voice. Have you ever been on a night out like you describe without a drink (at all)? How did it go? I am sorry if I am not much help but you are very welcome here, and to post as much as you want or need to.

Winter a bit of controlled drinking is always worth it if it's a convincer. So can you control your drinking, or are all bets off once you start? Again I don't want to sound hypocritical - I can't drink in safety, as jwn said to me I know I'm an alcoholic, so do plenty of people including social services, I can't have just one, what am I going to do about it? I'm not drinking just for today.

Lots of love to everyone else. x

Hi girls, I have thought previously that I would just go out with hubs, which of course would be never!! But that would save me, I think...

With regards to confidence, I find that question interesting. I think perhaps there is an element of truth in it, but I am a very confident woman and I have a lot to talk about, but I think those first few drinks give me the lubrication I like to get me talking to strangers in our group. It's not that I can't talk to them, I just don't really want to!!

I have been out a lot in the past without drinking at all. I was often the designated driver and I can honestly say it never ever impacted on my fun.

I think it's since I've become a mother and feel like I am missing out. But it's the day after a binge when I'm really missing out, when I can't take the little ones out the house or walk the dog.

I just need to grow the fuck up. Again. Lol!

Thank you for talking me through it. I am thankful for your input.

mouse that sounds like great news for nemo, and you know how much of that is down to you being sober and present for him and being able to fight for him when he can't fight for himself. You've done really well, and I hope that you feel mighty proud

noteven good to hear you sounding determined again. I think we all have secret dread that we are somehow 'not good enough' or 'don't deserve the good things we have' or 'we're unlovable'. It's the biggest lie we tell ourselves, yet time and time again we do strange and perverse things to try and prove that that lie is right. Well it is not right. Your greatest fears ARE unfounded. You CAN do this being sober stuff. And what's more, you can do it today.

saf how's things? how are you feeling today, do you want to tell us? What will you do this evening to keep yourself safe and calm and stable? Come and tell us if there's anything we can do to help.

cfc just remember that being a grown up doesn't mean you have to be boring and responsible. Being a grown up means having the freedom to decide that you can do what is important to YOU, you can behave in a way which makes YOU happy. Being grown up means that you can choose to go out with friends, or you can decide that you would rather (for YOU, and not for martyrdom) put your energy into making the arrangements and go out with your dh.

CFC - so what is it that makes you drink to oblivion? From what you've said, I think you have some sort of trigger. You say that you can take or leave drink or at least have in the past so why is it, when it's an invite out to an 'event' that you lose all control and just seem to be on self destruct?

You know that you regret the day after because you miss out on time with your DC.

Something in your mind doesn't kick in and stop you, you have no stop or slow down switch or you do, and you ignore it...... I think you need to look at why you have that first drink, that first rush as the alcohol takes hold.....

Ok Babes, sorry for making posts that are compassionate and supportive of other people . I came on here to talk about ME. But being part of this community, reading posts, and feeling compelled to write something, has shifted me from a state of self-pity. So thankyou all.

I've had a tough day. Spent it with dd who is being brave enough to face her darkest fears, to seek support for them, and then to talk about them. She is also being strong enough to put a lot of energy onto helping others around her to find the same bravery. She is a star. I've spent much of the day on the brink of tears, and [wah] here I go again.

But I'm OK. I'm so, so lucky to have people around me who are brought together by love and challenge. I count my blessings.

venus your dd sounds familiar. I know someone like that, brave enough to face her darkest fears, to seek support for them, and then to talk about them . . . strong enough to put a lot of energy onto helping others around her to find the same bravery

The qualities that you admire in your dd are your own, she has obviously learned compassion and strength from you, you must be such a comfort to her x

Mouse I'm so pleased that all Nemo's support is coming together for him. How far he's come in the short time I've been on the bus. I remember you posting about his first visit to nursery and now the wheels are in motion for him to go full time!

noteven I'm glad you're still posting and it sounds as if things are looking up for you. Remember to let us know if you need some hand holding.

saf are you able to post today? Just to let us know you're ok x

Yes, good point Faire - no SAF so far........

I love what you posted to venus just now, what a lovely thing to say to her xx

Yep, my little chap is coming on in leaps and bounds and I am smiling more and more with each day that passes and with each bit of 'normal' that we get back for him. You should've seen him today, just getting on with it, playing and smiling.

He let me brush his teeth for the first time ever tonight. He has oral aversive behaviour so often struggles with people touching his face.

We seem to be moving forward each day. I must be incredibly annoying, being happy, super proud mummy all the time!

Anyway, bed for me. I'm so sleepy.

Sending all Babes safe and sound vibes this evening.

Night night all. xx

Faire I second what Mouse said, that was really nice to point that out to Venus. Like mother, like daughter obviously You OK Faire? You seem to be doing great!

Mouse I'm so pleased today went well for Nemo. You must be soooo proud! He's doing so well. That's down to you that is

Noteven good to hear from you. Hope your afternoon went well and that you've had a good meeting.

I am not drinking tonight. Looking forward to a busy, fun-filled family day tomorrow. Without a hangover I will have a chance to enjoy it, not just ensure it.

Hope everyone is doing OK. You alright Saf? Please come and say hello. Remember you thought it would help if you just gave a mark out of 10 for how you were feeling, if you're not up to writing about it? Hope you're OK.

Hey Babes

Just checking in.

Do we think that Christmas approaching has us all in a heightened state of mind. About anything - do we feel things more acutely? And obviously the alcohol, whether stopped, controlling it, or not, it is so central to all of us at this time of year.

Just a thought

sweet dreams xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi sorry to worry.

i'm ok, struggling with my mother being in supercow mode and having made us all go for dinner only to then be obnoxious to every single one of us including the kids. it was really sickening to sit through but i was relieved to find my sister felt the same and the sense i've been having of them just not giving a shit about any of us including my ds since they got back is not me being weird and paranoid it really is how they're acting. she shrieked at ds for not much at all and whilst i'm used to her being like that with me and my dad she usually plays favourites and is nice to the ones she likes. now we're all getting it.

went shopping this morning and got more christmas presents even though i'm dreading christmas actually and having to spend time in that kind of atmosphere. frankly i wish they hadn't bothered coming back the way they're behaving. i've been calling every day or two to see how they are settling back in, if they're ok etc and realised today that in a whole week they've never asked after me or ds or done anything but talk about themselves and moan about their own miniscule woes. found out it's not just me - been the same with my sis and her dc.

actually told her yesterday about meds change and could she help by having ds for a night sometime and she just totally blanked it and showed zero concern even though i'm pretty sure she must remember what happened last time i had to taper off meds. ho hum.

just makes me kind of sad for myself that this is what i grew up with - or more what i grew up without. just normal consideration and concern and a sense of civility. tonight was just disgusting.

mood wise i'm ok. dosed up on anxiety meds to get out of the house today but managed without major panic which is good after the other nights panic attack at kids group thing

had a shandy at folks house and am now having a bottle of leffe but that will be it. hoping to get some sleep soon.

on a number i'd say about 5ish.

Saf thanks for dropping in

My mother used to be the same . She was always sniping at my dad, my db was the golden boy but anyone else was fair game. I stopped taking her calls. I let the answerphone screen her calls and I only spoke to her on my terms. God, I used to hate sunday lunch! She was rarely outright in her comments, but nasty and spiteful and sneaky. Avoiding a direct answer to a direct question? Yep, that too. So sorry for you my lovely, just when you need some kindness and understanding. What about SIL? Or a nearby friend? If there is no-one to have ds don't worry, you will manage. Just take care of yourself first so that you can take care of him. x

Tinselly I am experiencing a rare and wonderful evening. It's Friday night and I don't even want to drink! Have not had to hop around naked after all. Perhaps venus is right and just the thought of it is enough to put me off. Either that or standing on my head in the sleet, noteven . You are a mad bunch you know, but I loves ya!

mouse so proud of wee nemo and of you. A bit about the cassette though - should have been a DVD!
I drank last night and have felt like boiled shite all day today so only hot Ribena here tonight although there is wine in the house.Why can I do it some nights and not others?