The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

Well noteven i think that these things are 2 way - yes you are learning from your daughter about innocent trust, belief and generosity, but she has first learnt those things from you.

Have a good week everyone. It's a busy one for me, lots of work things, lots of family things, and maybe even some christmas card / present buying!

noteven what a lovely post, you and your DD sound like you are doing so well.

ma I am impressed by your xmas smugness planning. I haven't even finished shopping. and I am away from weds till the week before xmas.

Did I mention I was going on holiday . Did I mention that in a few days I'll be getting some sunnyshine Will be a funny day - we fly out on my due date but it might work out ok in a strange way.

Mouse - how is Nemo doing today?

venus hope you and DD holding up ok. I just got your message, will reply xxx.

To everyone else, hope you are doing ok and feeling strong. I am still drinking but I really do feel the futility of it all. I don't drink to get drunk anymore, so wonder if that is progress.

Ooh MsGee a nice warm holiday sounds fantastic - just what you deserve. Have a great time, relax, be warm, be happy.

hello everyone. sorry i've been awol. have just been really busy over the weekend.

have had an epic fail today - was up much of night unwell and found it really hard to get up this morning and then my stomach went dodgy so ds was already going to be late. then i realised i had left the washing in the machine yesterday and he had no dry school trousers so had to wait whilst they tumble dried. worst mum of the day award definitely goes to me. i have however managed to order some white clothes for his christmas show outfit which they informed me of on friday and said they needed by this wednesday

having a palava with meds as it turns out the main tablet i was taking can't be taken anymore at the dose taht worked for me and the tablet i took with it can't be taken in conjunction (new guidelines) so in the build up to christmas i have to go through a fast wean right down off on one pill and wean onto another pill which is potentially hideous and headfucking but i'm trying to stay positive and focussed so no matter how bad i may feel/what side effects i may get i will remember it is just the meds NOT that the world is in fact total and utter shit and the only thing shittier is me and la la la la la down into the depths of despair.

bloody meds.

right. drinking wise i've been drinking 2-3 beers everyday. it isn't huge amounts obviously but it is very regular. i have decided to not stress too much about the drinking till i'm through this meds change but obviously to avoid drinking really heavily. that timing coincides with post christmas actually so it looks like that will be when i can tackle the drinking again. for now it's just damage limitation i think and focussing on being good to myself and not isolating into horrible feelings and side effects if they come.

sorry for epic me me me post. will try to catch up.

mouse ordered Nemo's book via Amazon and thought I had ordered book and CD but the order confirm is saying "audio cassette"! . let me know what arrives and if it's the wrong thing, or minus book let me know.
D'oh!

saf from what you've just posted, I get the impression that you have managed to get your ds's trousers dry, and you have got him off to school. Is that right? In which case - well done you. In the face of all of that, the most tempting thing might have been for you both to go right back to bed and not bother. But you did bother, you made the effort to get the problem sorted out, and that takes determination. You're not the worst mum today at all, infact I think you're the best problem solving mum so far today .

Sounds like a good plan to focus on damage limitation and being good to yourself. It must be rough to have your meds changed like that, but keep your eyes focussed on the end point when things will feel more stable, and don't let the in-between dips drag you down.

Hello everyone. Tis me, Silly. What do you think of my new name? Christmassy enough for ya? I had to check the spelling a few times - it looks wrong!

Noteven your daughter sounds lovely. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job with her. It sounds like you are making it better, already.

MsGee I hope you have a wonderful holiday, with lots of sunshine and relaxation. It sounds like a good plan for you.

SAF I don't know why you think you get the worst mum award...you were ill in the night, knackered, and you still got DS to school in clean (and dry!) trousers! Plus he will be wearing white on Wednesday (gotta love school's great ideas!). Sorry to hear about the problems with your meds. Like you said, try and stay positive...

I'm no-one to talk though. Feel dreadful today. Drank Friday and Saturday night, very little sleep (partly due to alcohol, mainly due to DS). Feel exhausted, pissed off with myself and getting more and more anxious about Christmas. And if I get one more horrible bill/letter etc through the post I might just scream. I felt so good last week, yet absolutely awful today. I am confusing myself. I thought I was making progress :(

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Hello Babes

Where to start?

Ma - thank you so much, I will let you know what arrives. xx

Saf - I have spoken with my GP, I have to stay on both, 40mg of C in the morning and 25mg of A in the evening. He said that it's extremely rare that anyone would ever prescribe both to be taken alongside one another but in my case, that's what to do. I spoke with my own GP as well, not the doc who prescribed them first.

He also said that it says in the leaflet to not take the tow together so he understood me questioning the other doc.

I guess we'll just have to see what side effects I have, if any, and take it from there. So sorry to read that you are on a rapid change, that sound horrid! I've noticed a change in how I feel, kind of woozy and spaced, like I'm out of control, just by dropping 20mg of the C, I dread to think how you must be feeling sweetheart.

venus- how is your DD?

noteven - you sound so settled with your DD, and your life I guess, it's lovely to read xx

MsGee - have a lovely holiday!

Bproud - happy Christmas shopping! It's chaos out there! We went to Morrisons for bread and milk and came out £100 poorer!

TTM - loving it! xx

LONG POST ALERT - feel free to ignore, I just need to get it out.

What a horrid couple of days. The builders are back and I have no bathroom yet again, they are having to rip it out and start again. I'm so fucked off with it all. I feel like moving out until it's all done. We've all got this cough/cold bug too so no-one is feeling great.

Nemo is not sleeping much, he's up for a few hours during the night so I'm getting about 4 broken hours a night, whilst DH does the early hours of the following morning.

Plus he's started to hit me, I mean really hit me and I'm finding it hard not to get cross with him. It's a phase, of course but it's one I don't like and I'm not a smacker so I won't hit him back to try and deter him, unlike my mother.

I also forgot his power lead for his feeding pump and left it in Manchester yesterday, so I'm now feeding him by hand using a syringe for the day, night and most of tomorrow which is less than ideal as the force isn't controlled so he usually pukes it all back.

I'm in a whole world of agony because I've not slept and I'm due on my period (sorry, TMI) and my breasts are so sore and swollen. I just feel bulky and full.

My MRI scan appt has come through for my upper neck/head on December 20th so we have yet another very important appointment to remember.

And, to cap it all, I realised yesterday that I actually don't like my mother at times. She can be utterly vile and extremely cutting. I was ed at the person I saw yesterday. She was the same last week but I put it down to stress, her illnesses, tiredness etc ignored the way that she was.

I spoke with my sister (not a normal event as we've never really got on) about mum's behaviour and she said that's normal for her these days. She's always like that and often upsets her DC .

It made me feel glad not to live near them anymore. How awful is that? I just had to get out of there after 3 hours! 3 hours was all I could manage watching her being a martyr. I was really embarrassed and upset by her.

I've had a drink for the last three nights and felt in control which has surprised me because I've felt like going on a bender the last few days. A real block out the thoughts and memories kind of bender. I could actually go outside, stand in the middle of the road and just scream, letting it all out right now!

DH is busy with work and we've another crazy busy week. Respite was here earlier and gave me some space from being hit and yelled at, protage is here tomorrow, nursery Christmas party is Wednesday where I'm helping out, Stay & Play is Thursday and then Nemo's first global assessment is this Friday. We have a Christening on Sunday and DH is the Godfather . The week after is as busy.

I just want to sleep. I want the world to stop, slow down, leave me alone just for five minutes.

RANT OVER

Oh, Mouse, you poor thing. I don't think I have any helpful comments to make, so I'll just offer you a big, fat, cyber-hug. Oh to be whisked off to babeland eh? You have far too much going on, on top of being in pain. And PMT (or is it PMS??) is the last thing you need! Just do whatever you can, anything, to get some sleep, or at least rest. The world is a much better place (even bearable sometimes!) after a decent sleep. I know there's not much you can do about Nemo waking, but just try and make YOUR sleep a priority too, if you can, eg go to bed yourself as soon as he does, rest when he sleeps during the day, etc. I know it's far easier said than done though and obviously it may be totally impractical so feel free to shout at the computer as you're reading this!! Let it out, girl!!!

You WILL feel better soon though, I just know it x

AND!!!!

DD has just come home with her bottom brace BROKEN!!

She has had it LESS THAN A FECKING WEEK!!! Another £60 we don't have.

Thank you TTM I feel better for just letting it out. xx

Venus I have pm'd you xx

Afternoon all,

Mouse my dear one, get it out on here every time, I have done it lots of times in the past, and the fantastic thing about our friends on here is that they know that we are also battling the default button that says "reach for a drink". I am so sorry that your family don't seem to support you, and, in fact make life harder for you, but you have your soul mate in DH and you will see each other through.
Nemo, I'm wondering if as he is getting older, going to nursery, he is getting frustrated and angry about his meds, etc, and, of course, taking it out on you. Children always do take it out on the ones who love them unconditionally, I think, and someone once said to me that it is a privilege to think that they know you will be there for them no matter what. Hard at the time, though.
I send you my love and a big wraparound hug xxxx

well, I have procrastinated my way through two hours doing nothing much so far this afternoon .

Although, I have had carpet fitted in the study this afternoon, and I am surrounded on all sides by bookcases, books, board games that haven't been played for years, and the general glorious paraphenalia of a room that hasn't been cleared out since the DC's were much younger!

I had a very busy weekend, went Christmas shopping on Saturday, but Brighton was very quiet really, and I came home with some lovely cards (how I love Paperchase!), but not a lot else. Things have changed over the years, no more queuing in the small hours to buy Tinkie Winkie!! (purple telly tubbie for those not old enough to remember!) I think I still have the full set somewhere!!

noteven your dd trusted you completely, how wonderful is that . You have earned her trust and respect, you should take the credit for it, you amazing, generous, loving mum.

Mouse time for the 'naughty step' do you think? Or maybe you could get a playpen and sit in it so that Nemo can't get you. I feel exhausted just reading your list and can only suggest that you grab rest whenever you can. Looking on the bright side, you are not turning to drink to blot it all out which would probably not be the best choice right now with all your med changes and the recent lft. Hang on in there and do come back for a good old rant if it helps x

Saf I don't know why you bothered to dry his trousers, half of my class decided to sit in puddles at playtime and had to change into PE shorts this afternoon!

TinsellyMum love the name. Put the weekend behind you and don't look back. Today is the only day you need to think about.

Today I will not be drinking . Tomorrow I will not have a hangover .

Oohhh Brief Encounter is on film 4 at the moment, you'll not see me on here for a couple of hours.

(you can tell who doesn't have young dc around at tea-time )

oh god their poor mothers coming to pick them up in shorts in this weather. silly boys!

mouse - ok - my doc said it was complete no go on mixing the two, strange. i'm sure the drop will settle. i'm on 40mg for now, next stop 20mg.

my 5 day headache turned out to be a horrible sinus infection btw i'm on 4 of a weeks course of penicillin and it is finally beginning to ease.

love the new name tin-silly-mum

venus - thank you - you are so kind

noteven - sorry things are tough - hope letting it out has helped.

msgee - did i read you were going for some winter sunshine? really pleased for you

Faire, thanks for that. I wasted the whole weekend, though, feeling awful. I didn't drink as much as I used to and it felt far more controlled, I'm not quite sure why I felt so physically awful the next day(s). I am really cross with myself though. I have a good few days, really not being that tempted to drink at all, then I seem to forget everything I know about how awful I will feel the next day. Last week I felt happier than I can actually ever remember (strange feeling...) and I felt almost euphoric and I think I felt like I was kind of invincible . I felt like I was doing so well, that of course I could drink... Bloody idiot. I don't know. I think I might be going slightly mad! Of course, very little sleep doesn't help, and loads of 'stuff' going on, plus the reality that Christmas is coming and I am going to have to spend a lot of time with my (extended) family...help!!!!

Mouse, I forgot to say that my DS went through a phase of hitting me. My DS is 3 1/2, he hit me a lot a few months ago. Does that tie in with Nemo's age? Apparently it's quite normal with boys (I hadn't really experienced it with my DDs). It really upset me, too, and made me quite angry (which of course I tried to hide). I know how hard it is, especially when you try so hard to be warm and loving towards them. Must be extra hard for you when you're up all night with him and have to look after him in other ways too. My DS has got a lot better so I'm sure Nemo will too, soon. Like Thurso says, try and take it as a compliment that he trusts you not to hit back.

Today I will not be drinking because I don't want to waste tomorrow :)

tinsel - i think that invinsibility is what got me when i had 3 weeks off back in sept/oct.

can i just say i am really enjoying rachel's holiday. would recommend it.

DS was also a hitter, and had some serious behaviour problems and violence when he was younger. I sympathise. it's horrible. We had to hide any sticks, brooms, snooker cues or anything which could be used as a weapon. It was frustration at not being able to articulate his fears and concerns to us, so it must be so much worse for Nemo as he doesn't vocalise. Can you make a sad face card or similar to show or put up on the wall when his behaviour has made you sad? Reward stickers?
You have so much on mouse. Please please let the housework and everything else go to hell and try and rest whenever you can.
wish we could drive Gerald to your house to help out......

If he's getting angry Mouse get him to blow bubbles, it's a calming down, controlled breathing strategy.

Tinselly you probably felt worse because after abstaining for a few days you are feeling the 'real' effects of alcohol. But you did really, really well on the days you didn't drink, so don't beat yourself up. All these experiences help you work out where you want to go with your drinking so it's not entirely wasted .

Thank you for all of your replies.

Faire - he can't blow because of his cleft palate, the hole in the roof of his mouths makes the air leak into his nose if that makes sense? But thank you, I might blow them for him to keep calm!

Saf - I know, my doc said that it even says on all of the packaging that you should never take the two together! Bit frightening really! I do trust him though, he knows my history and is my usual GP. He wants to keep me on 40mg as well for now...... hopefully I'll be okay xx

I've now got a really poorly DH. He's flu-ey (SP?) and really does look tired so I've packed him off to bed. In Nemo's bed. He's got to leave first thing to go and meet with a client too. He needs to rest as much as I do.

The builders are back tomorrow too.

The hitting thing, yes, a phase. But he has the added frustration that he can't tell or show me what he wants. If I don't work it out, he gets really cross and lashes out. But of course, he also hits if I tell him no.

It would just be nice to have a day where he can tell me, show me, what he wants. He's now fast asleep so I've got to feed him again, have a bath, make the bed, and do DD's lunch, get the dog in, oh and then I've got to stick a brush up my arse and clean up after the builders.

Anyway, thank you all so very much for listening to me rant. Again!!

Are you not sick of me yet!? Sending love and well wishes to the Babes out there this evening. Night xxxx

Mouse I did wonder about that but, yes, it might help to keep you calm. What about getting him a special pillow or cushion which he is allowed to hit or throw?

hitting when you say no to something is not on, and a learning curve for most little ones. I had a friend who worked with quite severely disabled children and she was once heard giving one of them a serious ticking off for misbehaviour. A nosey old bag paser-by crticised her for speaking to "that poor disabled child like that" to which she replied "he's allowed to be disabled. he is not allowed to be naughty, and he knows it". Please don't be offended, but is is more difficult to discipline nemo because you are just so grateful to have him and he has so many other problems? When he hits, can you put him in a cot/playpen while staying in sight and explaining that you are not going to leave him but you can't be close to him for cuddles when he behaves like that? I know you have some signs and symbols which you use with him - are there common ones which he would recognise and point to (throw)? I mean, (not explaining this very well) does the hitting occur for some common reasons - want a drink, have a pain, want a story?
does he hit DD and DH or are you the main target?

Spot on Ma - I am frightened to tell him off because I feel lucky to have him here so think if I tell him off, he'll be taken away from me.

I'm the main target but DH will get hit if he says no. I try to explain why the no has been given, like when a child asks why, I tell them instead of 'because I said so'

He hits if I don't understand what he wants, remembering that he can't tell me, or point to it, or lead me to it yet but he'll get there with that.

I have picture cards and his portage worker is going to try and help me get him to 'explain' himself better but she's not here 24/7 and I guess that it just upsets me to think that he feels the need to lash out because I don't get it, I can't understand him

I try to diffuse the situation where as DH pick him and take him out of the room, I can't life him like that.

I just feel, well, sorry for myself I guess because I do the hard work so why do I get hit, you know?

I'm going to ask all of his team on Friday at this big assessment what their thoughts are and what they'd do.

Thank you for your replies. I need to get this last bit of feed into him before I can't see through the tears.

You are all so ace for caring. Thank you.

Night xxxxx

Right, hose has put the electric blanket on for me so I shall be off to bed in a mo. Any of you hardy northerners seen any snow yet?

Sleep warm and cosy babes x