Would this piss you off?

[crocodilebaby]

been with dh 9 years, married 3, have 2 dcs, yet he and his ex still text frequently (no kids together) and both end texts with" love you and miss you loads". Told him before it pisses me off but he can't see anything wrong with it. I just don't think it's appropriate for him to be telling another woman he loves her.
Then on Monday it was his birthday, he gets a text in the morning, looks at his phone and says, oh it's phone company, I only ever get messages off them - goes on to say what message says. When I look at his phone later it was off her. When I confronted him he says he lied because he thought it would upset me that it was her??
I think that they are still emotionally involved, what do you think?
I was really angry that he 'd lied to me,but he just doesn't get it. A bunch of flowers next day and a quick " I'm sorry" and he thinks it's sorted.

It would have pissed me off 8 years and 12 months ago...

I still talk to my ex. I have NEVER told him I still love him (because I dont...I care about him, and that is totally different)... and I certainly dont miss him.

Pissed off? I would be fucking livid. But I wouldnt have put up with it for 9 years either!

Would this piss you off ?

Yep.

How have you put up with this for so long?

Pissed off???? Bloody right I would be!!!

He thinks it would be ok for you to send the same text messages to your ex does he? I do not think so!

I wouldn't put with it for 9 minutes!!!!

The problem here is not his textual relationship with his Ex. It's that you feel strongly about something, it causes you to feel upset and insecure and he doesn't care.

You need to have a chat about that.

Yes, croc. I, too, would be upset as he is lying to you about his birthday message from ex; can't understand why he would do this!

Have you met her? If so, is there chemistry between them? Or could she simply be doing this to annoy you knowing that he is too weak to tell her to f**k off after years of frequent messages?

Hopefully, others with more expertise will soon be along to help; have great faith in MN - best wishes

Er, the first text would have been the last one in this house.

I think that is very inappropriate and I would be extremely pissed off.

Yes, I would be unhappy about it. The fact that he is now lying about it shows that it is a problem between you.

Is the ex single?

How dare he accuse YOU of over-reacting?

Has he accused her of that?

Maybe not in so many words squeakytoy, but he hardly looks as if he's considering OP's opinion...looking at first post especially.

I also live in a house where the first text to an ex signed off with those particular words would have been the last - otherwise he and his phone would have been binned.

I can't imagine that many women would feel comfortable about texts of this nature, more particularly since he's taken to lying about them.

I suggest you nail him to the floor and ask him to explain exactly what the words 'love you and miss you loads' mean.

He's showing gross disrespect to you and a florists' worth of flowers is insufficient to disguise the fact that he's completely out of order by devaluing words that should more properly be reserved for you and the dc whenever you're apart.

The only way he can prove he's 'sorry' is to stop ending texts to his ex in this manner but it occurs to me that, if he's had 9 years of similar text contact with her, a suitable way of demonstrating his sorrow at the hurt he's caused you would be to desist from any further contact with her for the next 9 years.

If a boyfriend of mine replied in kind to a 'love you, miss you' text, he'd be toast from the off: clearly not ready for another relationship. If he even humoured or tolerated those texts, without replying in the same way, I guess I'd still be wondering why he wasn't putting the ex quite firmly straight. There is no way in the world I'd be taking the relationship further. I am frankly boggling at the sheerly ludicrous nature of this situation.

I agree with LeBof. 9 years is a ridiculously long time to have been tolerant of this.. 9 years is also a ridiculously long time for an ex couple to still be lovey dovey with each other... it just isnt normal.

What are you doing with this man!!??
How dare that woman write such things, too.
Shame on her.
I would be livid.
Absolutely livid.

I'd be much more pissed off with him, she isn't answerable to the OP (I wouldn't be her biggest fan though, that much is true) :he is the one being a disloyal twatbadger here.

Sounds as if your h and his ex are hedging their bets at the expense of their current beloveds - but does she have a beloved or is she footloose and fancy free?

Exdw and I only txt when there is a problem with the dc. There should be no excuse for signing off txts like this.
I have no particular feelings for exdw, she is the mother of my dc, thats all.
My DW has contact with an Ex and I have no problems with that but she would never sign off with something like that.
I would be very peed off, dont know why or how you put up with it.

Would this Piss me off????!!!! HELL YEAH!!!

if they have no kids together why on earth do they need to have contact? Shoulds like the ex has never moved on but she really needs to as he is not her man anymore!!!!

I am seperated from my husband (we do have a dd together) we are still on good terms & speak on the phone a few times a week, I buy him a small gift for birthday & christmas from our dd & he does come to my parents for Christmas day lunch.....but this is only because we are both still single & our dd is quite young!! Once she is old enough to buy him gifts herself & arrange when she sees him she will do & if either of us have a partner to consider then contact between us would be much less out of respect to them.

How would he feel if you were doing the same with an ex??? He needs to respect your feelings not hers!!

F*cking hell - I am fuming on your behalf. If this was my DH he would be nutless by now!

That would piss me off big time - he's disrespecting you and your feelings by refusing to stop signing off in such an intimate way. Now he's lying to you. Sounds like he's flattered she's interested. No way is that solely platonic (in thought).

It would piss me off beyond belief.

What it would say to me is that he is thinking about her very, very frequently. That he makes mental notes to tell her stuff as it happens etc (what do they actually text to each other). That she is thinking about him very, very frequently. That both are happy to continue with this emotional attachment, despite him knowing that you are not happy about it.

Does he see her physically as well? Do they email, talk on the phone?

Good grief it's OUTRAGEOUS!!!!

That is all.

It's weird! If they love and miss each other why did they split?

I think it's really out of order that your h lied about receiving texts from her too.

Some people use hun and babe to all and sundry but "love you" and "miss you" is not one of those phrases.

How odd! If they had kids I could understand the ongoing connection, and perhaps still caring for each other, but what is their excuse?

This missing you bit would get me as much as anything.

This wouldn't be pissing me off, as we wouldn't be together. This is weird.