S&M in a relationship

[ginlet]

I didn't want to derail a thread, but apologies for starting a thread off the back of one, that I understand is Poor Form. But anyway...

I'm just curious about people's experiences of S&M in a relationship and views on this. I'd rather not go into the judgeypants bit, as I'm of the opinion that each to their own, as long as you are consenting and compatible.

I'm in a relationship with someone and BDSM/S&M is important when it comes to sexy time for us, though I do know my boundaries (faceslapping - not for me), but I'm reflecting on a few things...

• Why are such interactions so intense?
• For me, I'm strong and independent in Real Life, in the bedroom, I prefer a submissive role
• Has anyone found overspill into everyday life? eg. I've found myself becoming submissive with him in Real Life.

Over to you anyway...

Sorry, could you tell me what BDSM / S&M mean, please?

Boden Dress Sale Markdowns.

Deffo.

Haha, that's made me chuckle.

BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).

Basically, you indulge in some spanking and such like. Can be light, can be heavy.

I wear the mankini, duh.

Sadly, it's Movember and he has an actual moustache. It's vile.

Love a bit of S&M, me.

I like M&S too.

Never know if you don't ask!! ta for the explination. Off to look at Boden now.

I thought S&M meant Slave and Master/Mistress. Amounts to the same sort of thing I spose

Very welcome SirBoobAlot - like I say, each to their own, you're not a bore if it's not your thing, you're not a pervert if it is. Just that two people need to be on a similar page, tis all.

Thanks for your views reality, I am a nosey beggar! I'm not sure I'll get much action if I partake in Fannuary, honestly, his tache had been a full on 70's porn star one. I laugh every now and again when I look at him. Once during sex.

Why so intense? Don't know.

Strong and independent in real life, submissive in the bedroom? Me too.

Overspill into everyday life? It is my life and I love it.

Not many people understand why any woman would want it to spill into their everyday life believing it is maybe a transgression is terms of feminism or whatever and whilst I fully respect their opinion I am happy to live my life knowing that we hurt nobody with our lifestyle and our marriage is everything I could ever want it to be.

There's a funny arrogance about BDSM having something special or more intense which I'm not sure I buy into despite being into it myself. A vanilla guy will never truly push my buttons but I wouldn't say what I experience is better to me than an amazing vanilla (for sake of a better word) experience is for a vanilla person.

While the infiltration of BDSM into mass culture helped me find my way into it I do have concerns that its normalisation isn't entirely healthy. There seems to be a bit of a lack of balance in terms of aspirational "normal" sex. Sex and Other Drugs is one of the few recent films that seemed to portray more normal practises in a sexy way (ie. in a bed with laughter and affection).

I think that good sex is intense. So if your tastes run to BDSM, in whatever variation, having BDSM sex will feel more intense to you than vanilla sex. If you do not have much interest in BDSM or even if you have a mild interest in it ie like a bit of dressing up and spanking or 'silk scarf' bondage, you will probably find vanilla sex more intense to you than the kinky stuff.

And if you have a heteromonogamous love fetish, then you will find sex more intense in a heteromonogamous relationship than with casual playmates. But if that's your fetish and you insist that sex-with-love is the most intense there is, mainstream culture will be on your side and you won't get told that appreciating and speaking up for your own particular sexual tastes is attention-seeking....

Ok that was what I was trying to say but far better phrased!

True monogamy is not a fetish , nobody would dare say that being gay is a fetish so why be so ignorant about real monogamy ( as opposed to trying to be monogamous because you think you should be) .

Oh and my actual point , vanilla, unadulterated sex can be just as intense and satisfyingfor me as spanking/ hair pulling/domination.I'd go so far as to say that if you have to have kinky sex and vanilla does nothing for you, it's a bit of a problem.

Hear Hear Mal.

That face slapping thread made me shudder.

Actually, monogamy to the extent that some people Malificence practise it is a fetish. That doesn't make it a bad thing. No fetish consensually shared with a partner is a bad thing.
Because monogamy is not natural. It's actually the reverse of natural. If it was natural, there wouldn't be so much propaganda in favour of it and so much acceptance that maintaining it by force and physical violence is actually OK.

I take issue with the statement that monogamy is not natural. It IS natural for me, I don't WANT to have sex with anyone other than my partner. Its not that I'm told I shouldnt, I actually have zero desire to do so.

It's not a fetish because it's not a choice, just like being gay or straight is not a choice.

I'd say the opposite is true of what SGB reckons and people who want to be monogamous but can't, are the ones with the monogamy fetish.

Do animals and birds who pair up for life have a fetish?

Fetish schmetish,