The truth came out last night....it's there black & white in his diary

[marshmallowsontopplease]

He finally showed me his diary yesterday.

He initially tried to hide the info by covering it with his thumb while holding the page.

Asked him to move his thumb, he got lairy, moved it, his face said it all.

His last words to my face were horrible, the words on his last text were just as bad.

Just goes to show female intuition & gut reaction can be strong for a reason.

Am devastated. Seem to be losing "friends" by the week at the moment.

Someone who claims to have a caring soft spot doesn't start the friendship on a lie or end it on a lie, do they?

I'm sorry OP, but your post isn't clear. Whose diary is this and what have they done?

his diary showed to you he's cheating?

Your post is as clear as mud OP

I think you're assuming we know something of your backstory, OP.

?

yes ?
You're obviously really upset, but it's hard to know how to help without knowing what's going on :(
Can you say anything more about it?

This is a friend and not a DP? It's really unclear from your post.

Sorry. My mind & head are fuzzy & buzzing with stuff.

It was someone I got too close to. Physically & emotionally.

His diary. I had so much doubt in my head due to his mind games from the last few years that I needed confirmation of my suspicion.

I asked him to show me a specific date in his diary (he keeps work & personal altogether on the one page for each date) There it is in black & white....the place & who he went with.

We had plans for that day, tickets to something we both wanted to go to. He cancelled, we agreed he would sell them. He told me he had. Turns out (as I have suspected for many months) that he did go with another woman.

That date was so important to me, I had asked him if we could do something to help make it a positive day because it brings back so many bad sad memories. He knew that.

Why can't people just be honest? I don't get it. If he didn't want me to go with him he should have just said.

It's not just this. This is a basic summary of how it's been since day one. I was just excusing his behaviour over & over, repeatedly.

What a fool I was for thinking he had a "caring soft spot" for me.

Wait, is he a friend or partner??

"Friend" I got too close to.

Started off as friends but then it developed into a physical & emotional non-committal relationship.

I obviously cared & thought more of him more than he did me.

What did he lie about at the beginning of the friendship?

He let you down and lied to you.

I take it that you had a hetaed text discussion after the diary date was revealed.

Always trust your instincts, they served you well this time OP.

Oh dear :(

I feel for you marshmallow. But as you agreed "non-committal" does he feel he hasn't done anything wrong? How have you left things?

Constantly let me down & forever hurting me but somehow managed to convince me I was imagining things, didn't know the full story etc.

So many lies I honestly wouldn't know where to start. But they did start from our very first conversation 5 years ago when he claimed to have been dumped by the love of his life & had evicted her from the house they bought together. Turns out they never lived together & she had dumped him.

He would say he couldn't meet me because he was working yet I then saw him with his ex in a pub having a meal at that very time. He said it wasn't him.....That's the kind of character he was. I was seeing things apparently.

One New Years Ever he told me he was ill in bed but I later found out he was at the O2 watching a very well known singer on stage. That time apparently I didn't need to know what he was doing & I was being nosey in asking him how he saw the new year in.

So much stuff. I've started writing a list so I can work out what's what & it's got to 62 lies already.

Things like that.

Am so sad.

OK stop your list now. Sixty two lies are enough for anyone.

You can't trust him. I assume you're going to stop contact now? Block him, delete all emails and his number from your phone. Throw away anything that belongs to him that you still have - and I don't mean put it in your wheelie bin - take it to another bin and dump it now.

Do you have children? If so, could you ask a friend to come round? If not, can you go out tonight? Don't get drunk, just have a couple of drinks and slag him off, then come home determined never to give him a second thought.

newbie After removing his thumb & me reading the words, I got in my car & he told me to "fuck off, just fuck off". He then texted me a lot, to which I replied "You've told me to f off, as such I am doing so so please leave me alone, goodbye". His reply? His reply was "Good riddance".

Imperial 62 is just in the last 9 months.

I have spent today deleting all emails in inbox, my sent folder AND my deleted items folder so I think I deserve a gold star for that.

I can't drink, I don't have children. I can't have children...that's partly why that date that he cancelled was so important to me. I have a new puppy & am enjoying him in between the tears.

I am weak & pathetic & he knows it. He only has to text or email, even if it's horrible & I respond. It's like some communication, no matter what. is better than nothing because then at least I still exist in his world.

God I am so tragic.

Thankyou.

Delete his number from your phone, block his emails by putting your spam filter on his email addy, and move on.

You could even open up a new email address and send an email to your friends giving them your new address. Close down the old address (change the password to a random set of numbers and letters if you can't actually close it down.) Change your phone number.

Do what you have to do to stop yourself from talking to him again.

So sorry to hear this, he sounds horrendous.
I don't think you are weak and pathetic, deleting emails is a good and brave step. I agree with ImperiabBlether about new phone number and email address too.
You don't need to exist in his world, because his world is horrible.
Wishing you the best of luck with moving on from this.

Couldn't agree more. You're not weak and pathetic, you've taken the first steps to moving on, that can be bloody hard. Well done.

Enjoy your puppy :)

I am a little bit in love with my new puppy

I feel weak & pathetic based on the fact that I am hurting so much. I feel vulnerable & well and truly played. I feel humiliated. He said that was my issue, not his.

I wouldn't do to anyone what he did to me, he knew I had trust issues with people. I don't understand why he did any of that stuff.

I don't think I deserved that. Maybe I did. My fault for forever forgiving him I suppose.

I can't get out of my phone contract to change the number for another 18 months. It' his birthday very soon...he will text to thank me for the gift, I know he will. I haven't got it in me to be strong enough to ignore that message.

Ironic that I feel bad if I blank him. All those times he made excuses for not texting me back, not meeting me, cancelling me, replacing me, yet I'm the one that feels terrible about ignoring his communications. How does that work?!

"he will text to thank me for the gift"

What gift? Because you won't be sending him one!
He's a worm. Well done for getting rid of him.
Now you need to give yourself some TLC, because your self-esteem is obviously at rock bottom, thanks to this horrible selfish man. Buy yourself a present, not him. And enjoy the puppy.

I gave him the present & card a few weeks ago as due to work stuff I didn't know when I'd see him next.
Thank you for replying. I feel so humiliated.

This won't help you right now but I think you have had a lucky escape... He's mean, selfish and a liar. A tosser.

He's been so nasty to you. Why would you want him back? Letting him go will have two big benefits - you can get on with your life and he will be really pissed off.

Please don't let his behaviour affect your self-esteem. He is a twat, he would be a twat to whoever he was with, it is no reflection on you. You have been too forgiving and too nice