DD is taking drugs, don't know what to do.

[PowerlessNan]

This is long and a bit complicated, so please bear with me. I split up with my dd?s father when she was 18mths old because he was a drug addict, he was smoking dope, injecting speed/cocaine etc, taking acid, infact anything he could get his hands on (I?m not 100% if he was taking heroin or not).

I fought access because he was violent and out of his head most of the time. Eventually when she was three and able to speak for herself a bit she started to tell exactly what was happening during access visits and how she came to have bruises on her. At last the social services believed me and access was stopped.

At last my beautiful daughter was safe, I brought her up single-handedly (my family had disowned me years before when I took up with her father, yes; I know I was young and stupid!) I thought I had done a very good job of bringing her up and when she had her first dd I was such a proud Nan. She is 24 yrs old and has since had another dd.

What I didn?t know was that while she was pregnant with her first she had got in touch with her father behind my back as she had learned that he had had other kids. I can?t blame her for it; I suppose it?s natural to want to know. I noticed she started to change, I thought it was pnd at first, but it was much worse, he had introduced her to drugs. I eventually found out when it was too late.

I have tried to talk to her, tried to make her see what drugs are doing to her. I pointed out to her that most of her father?s friends have died before the age of 45, some over-dosed, some died of cancer and some have committed suicide (I am convinced that all of the deaths were drug related). She won?t listen to me, she says she needs it, can?t cope without it, she says she is only taking puff.

Yesterday she turned up at my home crying, when I asked her what was wrong she replied that she hadn?t got any ?stuff? and she had to go to her fathers to get some. She told me that she was craving so badly that she nearly shook her 5mth old dd in frustration. She then left the kids with me and left. She came back 3 hours later smashed out of her skull to pick up the girls. I kept on making up reasons for her to stay so that I could gauge her ability to look after the girls. I fed the kids and kept them here until it was nearly their bed-time so all she had to do was put them to bed.

I?m at a loss to know what to do, my beautiful dd that I fought so hard to protect and that I was so proud of has changed into some-one I hardly recognise. I fear for my grand daughters. I feel totally powerless.

I hate to say it but why couldn?t her father have died a long time ago before she got in touch with him again?

Thank you Toothache, I'll do that then.

PN, I do see your partners point of view if I am to be completely honest, there is only so much you can do.

Your DD is very lucky to have someone who is there and willing to help but it does look as though its going to be when she is ready.

As Toothy says, the HV may be an option, particularly if your DD doesnt think youre involved.

hi,just read the thread,not going to go into too much detail on here,but have tried to cat you and failed,but I think I would be a great help to you due to personal circumstances,there is nothing I dont know about drugs,sypmtoms,behaviour whilst taking them etc,if you need any help please cat me and I will explain how I know all this in more detail.

So sorry to read your posts PN - I've watched a few people crash & burn due to addiction and your username says it all - it makes you feel so powerless. I don't agree that it has to be so called 'hard' drugs, although it could be. Different people have very different reactions to drugs - for some people cannabis & marijuana can trigger serious mental illness & addiction, while for others they just make them more relaxed. One of my sisters is a psychiatrist & has treated people who are suffering from permanent psychosis as a result of using cannabis or marijuana (it doesn't necessarily depend on the amount of drugs taken, just on the individual's sensitivity to them). I don't think you'll get anywhere calling SS - if the kids are clean and fed and you don't have evidence of her taking class As. It will just distance you from your DD, and I doubt SS will take any action. I'd concentrate on getting help & support for yourself as your daughter's addiction will put you under so much strain, and then on being a stable presence in your grandkid's lives. That will make a BIG difference to them. You can't make everything okay for them, but you provide a 'safe place' for them. I'm that 'safe place' for my nieces (their dad's an alcoholic, their mum (a different sister - not the shrink!) is lovely but keeps taking up with one dodgy man after another) and at Christmas they sent me a card saying how much it means to them to come to my DH & I's house whenever things are chaotic at home and know that we'll always be sober and happy to see them. Made me cry, but it was good to know that we are being useful, even if I too feel very powerless sometimes...

Ok,I'll be totally honest,I was on a hard drug for 8 years of my life,the latter part being whilst I had my daughter,which is why I agree social services wont always take the kids away because they didnt even assign me a social worker as they could see my kids were well fed and clothed etc.

Where I live there is a drug clinic which I attend weekly and get medicine from them,I have to give a weekly sample though negative of the drug I was on to be able to get my script,what I would suggest is that you ask her straight out what she is on,and then take her to a doctor who will then refer her to a clinic similar to the one I attend,the waiting list is usually a few months though but once she is at the clinic at least she will get the medicine she needs so she can start to try living her life without the drugs.

Skunk (a type of cannabis)is particularly potent and addictive as it is cut with other drugs such as amphetamine and sometimes even cocaine and heroin. I see so many young adults whose lives are damaged by this drug. Their parents can't understand it as they smoked weed when they were young and they're still sane, hold down a job etc. I don't think they realise how different cannabis is today (it's not the relatively undoctered drug it was then). PN I really hope you get your daughter back and don't blame yourself for what's happening. Steph, very brave of you to disclose your addiction in order to support someone else.