Dh, sex, pregnancy and him being a wanker

[knackeredandshattered]

Im currently 9 weeks pregnant, with mine and DHs first child.

I have a 6 year old, and he has 4 older children, so he is not a pregnancy novice.

I am suffering morning sickness in a way i never did before, and i basically feel sick 24 hours a day. Its pretty debiliatating, and nothing helps.

I work, and i do most of the stuff here, so on top of the sickness im pretty fucked tbh.

Dh is pretty keen on sex, and i've tried to carry on with sex as normal for the last 9 weeks.

I'm having a lot of sleep problems, due to feeling sick, and am often waking up in the night to find DH trying to have sex with me, which i usually am ok with, but its not really helping matters.

Yesterday morning i said no, and this morning i said no, as i simply couldnt find the energy/will/enthusiasm for it.

This morning DH simply stopped cuddling me, rolled over and started to sulk. I spoke to him about it, and he told me that as i am away this weekend (staying at my mums for a rest) and he didnt get sex yesterday, he was "very disappointed in me, and that had he know it'd be like this, he would simply not have got me pregnant"

I was flabbergasted, and actually speechless at his attitude.

Since when did going away for a weekend because you are dead on your feet, entitle the other person to sex whenever they want it? He also told me that my sickness might be an excuse, but doesnt excuse it.

He has ignored me all day now, when usually he would text me to see if im ok. When i asked him this morning if he'd miss me this weekend, he told me "sorry, probably be too busy to think about you at all".

Im hormonal, but on top of everything its really upset me. My last pregnancy i had SPD, and sex had to go on hold. How is he going to be if i cant do it for a few months?

Im really shocked at his attitude. In fact, its had me on the verge of tears all day.

Why be like that? i dont know if im over reacting or what, but its really got me. It makes me feel as if im only good for sex tbh.

he sounds like a knob to be honest. I would go to your mums and ignore all knob like behaviour.

You wake up to him trying to have sex with you?!
Really?

OP - that's not normal...it's not loving...it's not sharing...it's actually pretty disturbing.

You poor thing, he needs a swift kick to his equipment, and to be told to grow up!

I'm not surprised you feel like you're only good for sex, he's treating you like a blow up doll.

What a vile, entitled arse. And no, you are not over-reacting. I'd be over-reacting a lot more than that. I'd be fucking furious

I think this is the beginning of the end to be honest. HIs behaviour aleady shows how selfish he is, and as the weeks and months go on he is going to be worse. Tell him to have a wank if he feels the need.

If I woke up to my husband trying to insert his cock into me without my permission, I'd feel utterly violated, and like he was a massive weirdo.

Then he goes in the huff if you won't comply??

shudder

What the others said.
I'm and for you!
Having sex is a mutual thing, he doesn't seem to understand this. I think he needs to grow up.

My DP would be going to his mums if I woke up to find him having sex with me. It's revolting.

Don't tell me, according to him, his exW was a child obsessed harridan who went off sex?

I can't believe this is the first time you've seen this wanker's true colours OP.

Having sex with you whilst you are asleep, as other people have said, is not good.

He treats you like his sex toy and also has you doing all the domestic work. What do you get out of this relationship?

I think you'll find that everyone who posts in reply will be of the same opinion.

He's a nasty piece of work.

Go to your mum's this weekend and stay there, with people who will treat you with respect.

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, he is being a knob, but he is not raping me.

I may have worded it wrong, but we have had night sex for years, where he rolls over and tries it on. I don't have an issue with it and I'm not being abused.

Either way I am on the way to my mums for some space. I am very upset at his attitude, as usually he's very caring where me being unwell is concerned.

Obviously I have numerous concerns over todays incident, which I need to consider.

Thanks

He thinks you owe him sex.

9 weeks into a pregnancy and he's pissed off because you're not up for sex as you're ill with morning sickness?

What's it going to be like if the SPD recurs? What's it going to be like when you have the baby and you're knackered?

He's disappointed in you? He thinks he shouldn't have got you pregnant if it's going to reduce the amount of sex he gets?

Well, at least you know what's most important about you to him. It ain't your sparkling personality.

He needs a clue-by-four.

My god!!!

I'm speechless... This is awful

The night sex arrangement aside, the part that glared out at me was "very disappointed in me, and that had he know it'd be like this, he would simply not have got me pregnant"

What a disgusting, vile thing to say about what is usually a JOINT decision. He GOT you pregnant? Great choice of words. And "Disappointed in you"....like some sort of school report: "Knackered simply must try harder"

This guy has his priorities all wrong. You are carrying his child, your body and your life are changing and at the moment, you are suffering the side effects of early pregnancy. He should be proud of you, want to take care of you and take al pressure of this sort away from you. Preferably into the shower where he can entertain his own appetite until such a time you feel able and, moe importantly, willing to have sex.

This man is NOT doing himself any favours by acting in this manner, and if I were you, I would attempt to make him see that his support is crucial to your and your baby's health. I'd keep a close eye on how he acts in general re:pregnancy and impending fatherhood, and don't be afraid to issue some ultmatims.

What everyone else said.

He's a pig.

One addition to make:

'He also told me that my sickness might be an excuse, but doesnt excuse it.'

Right-ho, if you need a better more valid 'excuse' - how about, I don't like having sex with vile pig-men?

That should do it.

Enjoy being at your mums. Hell, why don't you enjoy it so much you stay for good!

Sorry for just emoticons post. This is AWFUL. Poor, poor you. Glad others have offered sage advice.

'Obviously I have numerous concerns over todays incident, which I need to consider.'

Yes do. At length. And let him know that you are doing so, and that you too are pretty disappointed. Message: err, you don't have the upper hand here, Mr. Tut-I'm-Disappointed... act too much like an arse and you'll be OUT on your arse.

And if he's not up to providing the apprioriate level of care and support while you're pregnant (and always!) - you will decide that he is not worthy of love and partnership.

You might not have an issue with him having sex with you while you're asleep but the fact that he feels you are available for him sexually whenever he feels like it is at the root of his current childish tantrum.

I wouldn't call him at all over the weekend and I'd be having a bloody serious talk with him when I got back. You need cosseting, love, care and attention, not sulking.

Apart from feeling for you that you're being subject to his appalling behaviour, you have my complete sympathy for your 'morning' (ha, yeah right) sickness - I know how draining and debilitating it is. Hope you get a good rest at your mum's

What is wrong with these men? Why do some men believe they have fuck rights over their partner's body? Poor you OP- I've just spent my ire on another very similar thread, so all I can say is poor you.

You have a window of opportunity here to run like hell from a man who is essentially treating you like an orifice with incidental parts attached... I'd take it if I were you.

Firstly, you shouldn't have to be going to your mums for a rest - you should be able to get it at home with him taking on the lions share of domestic work while you put your feet up. You're carrying his child.

Secondly, the reason you're now feeling as though you're only good for sex is because he's shown you plainly that that's what he thinks. He believes he is entitled to have sex on you whenever he feels like it, and that this entitlement is more important than your feelings, his unborn child, and your health.

It won't get any better. I'm not about to tell you how you should view your own situation. You don't believe you are being abused - ok. But I can tell you that at Women's Aid we would view your partners behaviour as being sexually abusive and any woman who came to us with the same concerns would be taken very seriously.

Only you can decide where you want to go from here. But I would urge you think about what this man is bringing to the table. Do you believe he will bring you happiness and love in the future? Is your relationship with him a positive force for good in your life? How do you really feel about all this?